(36F) I’m still heterosexual and want to be with a man but I’m finding it more and more difficult to find men attractive.
I think it’s trauma to be honest. I’ve had nothing but intense heartbreaking experiences with men (romantic and platonic) that have left me feeling less than or even numb, if I could be honest.
The issue is that I don’t want to be single anymore. I want to be in a living fulfilling relationship, a true partnership but I’m finding it difficult to see a man as attractive anymore.
I think I’m scared of getting hurt or trusting again. Has anyone experienced this before? If so, what did you do to remedy the situation?
TL;DR not finding men attractive. I think it’s due to trauma. Have you experienced this before?
12 comments
I absolutely know how you feel. I’m working through multiple heartbreak traumas as well and it’s difficult, but worth it. For me personally, it’s been really helpful to just stop dating completely for the time being and focus on my healing. You’ll know when you’re ready to get back out there:) hugs!
You gotta find someone not only who you find attractive but you also trust
Not all guys a bad, but it seems all guys you pick are. I would start there. Maybe ask friends and family to set you up?
The fact that I’m still exclusively attracted to men is proof that sexuality is not a choice.
I’ve never found me particularly attractive. But, I think this is something a professional therapist can help you sort out. He or she can help you figure out warning signs you’re missing and why you’re drawn to problematic men (or why they’re drawn to you). I think when you find the right human, your human, you’ll find the attraction you’re missing.
Hi! I’ve been here and I’m here to tell you that after a year of healing I’m finally attracted to men again! I was just telling a family member about this exact same thing. Heterosexual, but wasn’t attracted to men after my toxic relationship. But finally can see a guy and think “he’s cute”, etc… so you’re not healed which means you shouldn’t be dating. But you’ll get there eventually I promise.
>I think it’s trauma to be honest
What are you doing to work through it? If you want to date a man that’s not optional.
>what did you do
Maybe take some time, … then you get out there anyway, … and … pick better next time. Experience is a cruel teacher, but highly effective and quite memorable.
Quit choosing bad men.
I feel like I wrote this! You are definitely not alone. I’m recovering from trauma from my ex and I feel the same way. I don’t really feel attracted to anyone..
I can see why, if trauma is the issue. I’d recommend a therapist. Great dudes are out there, sometimes it is definitely hard to find someone, also depending on your town.
Maybe don’t rush your search for a partner. Your time can come later. If there is trauma work on that.