It’s my first relationship, so I want to make sure I’m doing it correctly. Let me explain:
A while ago me (22M) and my gf (19F) of a few months were doing a laid back date at my house. We had dinner, chatted, played with the dog. It was great. I thought to myself about how lucky I was to have a friend like “X”. Upon second thought I was terrified, since I caught myself not thinking of her as a girlfriend and it all came so naturally. We didn’t hug, kiss or do anything particularity romanic that day, yet I was fine with it. In the past I loved romantic gestures, but now, I just think of “hanging out” with her.
I was raised to follow through with my endeavours, so I want to give it my best shot in getting things back to the way they used to be. Should I tell her flat out that I’m beginning to think of her as a friend and want to try more romantic dates? Or just suggest more romantic dates and hopefully fix it quickly and tell her after?
The last thing I want to do is insult her, and I’m pretty sure (?) she still likes me romantically. Would it make things awkward if I tell her before trying to fix the problem?
I assume that if seeing my girlfriend in a romantic light will ever return, it will be when acting romantically.
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**TL;DR;** : What should I do about seeing my girlfriend like a friend / without romantic feelings?
5 comments
You should be able to directly communicate in a good relationship. That still means having tact. But you can say something like, “I realized I was starting to treat you and view you more as a friend, and this relationship means a lot to me, so I don’t want to get into bad habits. I want to go on romantic dates with you more often and wanted to let you know and see how you feel about that.”
I would go with the “suggest more romantic dates” option. Relationships take work, and part of that is keeping the “spark” going by doing romantic things together.
Remember that there is nothing wrong with seeing your partner as a friend, but of course it should be in addition to the romance rather than instead of.
I find it totally normal to not be so-called romantic all the time? My partner and I still have romantic feelings for each other, but last night we made dinner and watched a show and talked, and it was like “this very good friend who I love spending time with.”It’s perhaps an unrealistic expectation that shit’s gonna be romantic-feeling all the time? That being said, do you still desire your partner sexually (if you are sexual) and do you still have moments of romantic fondness and intensity? Studies have shown that if you do things together to break out of a rut, as a couple, that can spark passion — ie, do something totally different. Break out of your mold. Etc. Also, being raised to follow through on things is not a proper way to evaluate your relationships. Following through for the sake of it can lead to bad decisions? Introspect. You’re really young, and maybe this relationship has run its course for you and that’s OK and you needn’t save it, but maybe you have unrealistic expectations about what a relationship feels like when you live it. Good luck!
This is pretty normal.
The honeymoon phase is all supercharged romance and lust, but it doesn’t last forever. It’s kind of a good thing cause you’d burn yourselves out being that crazy about eachother all the time, and probably never get out of bed either.
Once you settle in it will sometimes just feel like you’re hanging out with your best friend.
You get into this stage where it’s not just about the butterflies and sparks and lust. This is your person, you’re bonded, your partner and companion. And that can be a beautiful thing.
Doesn’t mean the romance is dead. In a good relationship it’s still there with varying intensity, just not always so constant and intense like in the beginning and sometimes you have to work to keep it alive.
A good relationship is friendship and comfort and peace.