So yeah I am awkward and insecure about weight gain, my looks in general and i compeletely dread socializing with people at my kids’ school.
My 4yo had recently been vocal about his classmates parents staying with them the whole 2 hours of kindergarten and how he gets jealous of them (in PH kindergarten most moms stay with their kids and actually do the school activities with them). Work is not the issue since i am wfh and schedule is pretty flexible.
I don’t know if it makes sense but i dont really care about what people would say or think about what i look coz i know most dont really care and it doesn’t really matter but i just cannot get out of my head. I think i just dont like how i look and project it and spiral.
I also know that what matters is that i show up for my kid, and most people dont care about me much less how i look but i still cannot force myself to go. What will i do to get out of this?
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I know there is nothing I can say to help you when it comes to social anxiety because social anxiety sucks and I am saying that from experience. Just tell yourself that you don’t give a frak about them whatever they think of you and you are here because of your kid, he will feel good about it and as a parent you owe him this much, just show to his school whatever the event is and tell yourself to deal with it because as a parent it’s your duty to show up there, that’s what I do whenever I had to go to my kids school so maybe it will help you too, and I hope it went well for you sending some best wishes… : )
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When anxiety has reached a point where it has become a barrier to things that are important to you, it’s time to reach out to ppl who can provide effective help. Please consider seeking a trauma-informed therapist and possibly anxiety medication. From your comments, it’s likely that your mother’s toxic and inexcusable treatment needs to be addressed so you can have the life you wish to have. And there’s another benefit: when parents address old hurts of their own, their children benefit.
There is a DBT skill/ mode of thought called Opposite Action.
This is going to sound stupid as hell, but bear with me; when you are met with an emotion that negatively affects you (Shame in this case, perhaps), present a behavior the opposite of what the emotion would drive you to do. Basically, do the opposite.
Like I said, it sound stupid, but it puts the focus not on how we feel a situation may happen, but how it is happening and how we are reacting and responding in that moment.
It ties into Willing and Willful behavior as well. Willful is “I am going to get this done if it’s the last thing I do in life.” Willful is forced progress, and in this instance is typically phrased as a description of an event that we want nothing to do with, something painful or painstaking or any number of negative descriptors.
Willing, on the other hand, sounds a bit like this: “You know, it’s a sunny day outside. I heard there’s supposed to be storms later, but I think it’s still worth a walk, and if it does rain? Then I’ll dance in the puddles.” Basically, entering into a situation or set of actions while being willing to accept that we cannot completely predict an outcome to a situation, and that there is honestly a good chance that things will turn out just fine, and that if things do not go according to the best case scenario that it is not the end of the world, or even the day: just that thing, and that thing alone, didn’t go according to plan.
I won’t lie. These aren’t shortcuts, even if they’re phrased similar to such. I don’t think that there are any shortcuts, really, or I would likely be in a better situation myself. But having different lenses through which to view the world has been instrumental to me finding the will to keep going. Sounds silly, but a myopic world view is one of the most harmful Normal Things anyone can have in this day and age.
I don’t say this as though there is something wrong with either of us, but legitimately I might try speaking with a therapist. I can think of nothing but benefit for anyone on the face of this planet to at least have a neutral third party that they can share things with, a party who is personally and professionally interested in seeing a person find wellness again, and who has the skills to facilitate that more easily.
I can relate to this post. I dislike going to my son’s school because I feel out of place with the other parents. I kind of get imposters syndrome and think they are all better than me. Most have a higher education background than I do and are probably more affluent too.
I do think it helps to just do it anyway, even if you don’t have a great time your kid will appreciate it. Maybe eventually you’ll even make some parent friends. Even if you don’t, your son will be happy to have a parent there and have good memories of you being there for him.