Is there a way to do this? I’ve always felt that throughout my life people don’t really listen to me. While I’m a smart guy and am somewhat successful, I still feel like at times no one really listens to me or does what I ask, and its almost as if I’m missing something other people have. It doesn’t help to that when I’m ignored, I keep asking politely but get ignored or told off and unfortunately I have the bad habit of getting more critical or upset and I just end up getting bitter. It sucks too because at times its almost like many people want this to happen. Like its a way to turn me into some angry, upset monster who’s asking too much, even when I try to be polite.
Anyways, how do I do this? How do I become more persuasive and confident and make sure people actually listen? It sucks too because as a teacher I’ve always worried about this as my job. In fact, I’m really worried as of right now, I’m basically only keeping my job because no one else will do it and I haven’t done anything to get fired, even though I’m always rated as needing improvement, especially in classroom management. The problem is, I don’t even know how to manage and I don’t know how to get my kids to listen. I do everything I’ve been taught, but it almost makes me wonder if I just don’t have whatever it is. Like something’s wrong with me. Like that my anxiety and depression and ADHD are so visible and sadly kids, like hungry animals, sense fear. I’ve tried medication and therapy but honestly at this point nothing works. Its as if I’m just some nervous, oversensitive person who just can’t get people to follow me, and anymore I feel like if that’s the case, then people can just do whatever because they just don’t care. Or at least they don’t care when I try to say it. So am I missing something or just broken in regards to learning whatever this skill even is?
1 comment
Hi,
Your post struck a chord with me. I’m no expert in leadership or persuasion but have my own journey with learning to be heard.
I’ll begin with you are NOT broken. I repeat, NOT broken. Living with anxiety and depression is crazy tough, but you’ve made it this far, let’s keep going.
What you are dealing with are simply learned skills. And skills that can actually be fun to learn. I find it best to learn with small tips that I can practice until I build up to my goals. Kind of like going to the gym, change won’t happen overnight but with the right exercises and time anything is possible.
There are many self help books out there about this topic. Books on leadership, group management, organizational psychology, etc.
If buying expensive books are a challenge the library is always an option. Another trove of resources is YouTube. There are tons of videos on leadership and how to develop your voice, and I’m certain many on classroom management.
I also fill my social media feed with people who offer tips to help me grow, as a leader, and as a person. While a lot of this I end up ignoring there are always a few gems that end up making my life much easier. For instance, I used to struggle with conflict, but with the right “script” now I know what to say and how to say it and it’s just rote. It no longer feels like labor to figure out how to deal with a situation.
Someone in particular I found helpful, and i am not him nor do I work for him or endorse him, but simply appreciate his tips is someone named Jefferson Fisher. His whole deal is teaching people how to argue less and more efficiently so they are heard more. I believe he has a book, I don’t have it but I’m sure it’s easy to find.
Another technique that helps is journaling your day. What worked? What didn’t? What strategies should I continue to implement? What is wasting my time? Etc.
Another trick. Emotional regulation. You mentioned that it feels like people want to bait you into getting upset. There are ways to learn not to let them. I’m Irish and Puerto Rican. I can get MAD…quick. But I learned it doesn’t serve me, by finding other outlets and tweaking my communication style through tips and strategic approaches it’s helped me realize that they can only get to me if I let them.
You can do this. Make it a game. Give yourself easy to attain levels and reward yourself healthfully when you level up.
I hope this helps. My only real point is don’t stress out, just go learn how. It might be more rewarding and fun than you think it will be.
I hope you have a good day.