“Don’t talk when the adults are talking”

Ever taught or heard your parents said this to you when you were younger, grew and carried this with you? Growing up I feel like not talking when the adults are having a conversation is a sign of being respectful or courteous and so I remain silent and only speaks when I’m asked to and do if they ask me to do something. Even up until this day I still think and feel the same way and still struggle to even say no. When I’m with someone older or someone who manages people like managers, supervisors, teachers, etc. When I’m with them hanging out I’m always quiet, reserve, overly respectful and only speaks when being ask something and quite frankly even if I try I don’t even know what to say or ask of them I just let them dictate the flow of conversation. When people who are of the same age as me or younger and when they’re talking nonchalantly to those people who I think should be respected I feel out of place. It makes me feel self conscious, angry at myself for being so insignificant for unable to engage a meaningful conversations like the others without feeling force to do it. Hence this is one of the main reasons why I want to be isolated and live alone so that I can avoid feeling awkward and basically useless in any social settings. I also noticed that I’m always walking behind the group of people I’m with like my classmates when I was highschool, my colleagues, and even my family. I don’t know what to make of this post I guess I’m making this to see if anyone can relate?