Usually I find older (typically are or have been married) people have a very different criteria on a “good” partner candidate vs younger people and was wondering what would be better in extreme cases.
1) you’re not really dying to spend more time with them and talk the night away and stay in their company, but from financial, cultural, social situations you know this person would probably be a good partner
VS
2) you have some sort of similarities but it’s mostly physical attraction that makes you want them
20 comments
I pick 2. Number 1 is nothing more than an arranged marriage in my eyes.
Dating people just for logic or dating just for looks is basically just dating to break up, so if you HAD to choose then I guess attraction because it’s less boring, but for a long term relationship you need a mix of both. Obviously
Every time, not most of the time, but every time I ignored my thinking head and followed my heart I got burned badly.
Logic, sex and physical attraction fade over time and after theyre gone then you got nothing left to hold the relationship together unless the relationship is built on a stronger connection
Both would be stupid. You can’t ignore the emotion and attraction factor, it matters a lot. But you’re also an idiot to ignore logical issues
I do both.
You’re right. My penis never made good long term decisions. He now gets a say after everyone else has discussed.
If you only choose by one criterion, you will be doomed to failure.
2 is correct in a “soul mate” sense but I personally wouldn’t be against 1
If I had to pick, I would say number 1. I favor a reliable future.
so either or, but not both:
I’m gonna say logic.
Unless you’re just constantly dating to fuck, and then move on and repeat…. most any long term relationship will require day to day partnership stuff to work, like all the logistics of getting shit done, keeping shit clean and organized, raising kids, parenting, even just being able to deal with each other’s issues and relationship issues, or family issues… all that takes logic, or people who can logic their way through relationships.
I do want to mention this caveat; you said (physical) attraction, but not love. I’m assuming in either case, you can love your partner for their attraction, or logic.
Those are not the only two options.
If you *have* to pick one, I’d pick logic.
Arranged marriages have existed for centuries, and while it’s totally full of problems, it creates stable family environments. Literal kingdoms and regimes have been built on them.
Logic because physical attraction wears out.
If you want someone only to have sex with and your partner is the same, looks (and sexual performance) are the way to go, for anything else I personally think a personal connection is the most important thing. Be partners with a good or your best fried, that is the way to go afaik
I go with my intuition.
Emotional can often be fleeting or misguiding. Being purely logical can’t assess the unknown and future potential.
Intuition sees all.
As an annoyingly logical person, I consider all known to me factors when deciding to date a person (or not to date a person). My main reason to do this is two-fold:
1. After three long-term relations I have a good idea of what I want in a partner and what I don’t want in a partner.
2. All my relationships started as a friendship first which was “enforced” by the common surrounding (university, social circle etc), so I had a lot of time to learn a person. Having common ground would allow me to kinda “speedrun” this part and shorten the time it takes to get from a friendship to a proper relationship.
I think that not taking into account your feelings for your partner is very illogical.
I think that if it isn’t based on actual attraction and chemistry it’s basically using someone as a means to an end, it’s fake, artificial and inauthentic.
Most of us wouldn’t want to be with someone who wasn’t actually attracted to us: so behaving in that way goes against the golden rule.
You need attraction to be interested, you need logical match to stay interested.