Hi all,
As title says, I (25m) could use some long distance advice. My gf (22f) and I have been together 1.5 years. I love her dearly, and want to marry her eventually. She just got into grad school across the country and goes to school in august.
I am graduated and work in finance in home state. We currently live together. She wants me to move with her in the coming 2 months but I have had no luck finding a job there. Her excuse is I can get a small job till I find a new career there.
On the other hand I tell her I NEED to have a good paying job if we’re to live in DC (high col). She would rather sacrifice that to be together in the moment, and struggle for awhile till I found a job out there.
Idk, I’m pretty upset bc if it was me moving for grad school I would’ve been more understanding of her wanting to wait till she found a comfortable job where I’d be asking her to move, but instead it feels more like disrespect to my idea/ decision. I currently have no bills, live rent free, and can save money at home while I look for a good finance position in DC.
I’ve offered to help her find student living, help with her finances, and I would fly out to see her often. But she’d rather me go now.
2 comments
It’s pretty selfish on her end to ask you to basically put your life on hold. You need to make a decision in your own best interests or else you will grow to resent her.
You have 3 months until august. You don’t think you can find a decent job in DC by then?
I get that you two have different ideas of the best way for this to work out but let’s take a second here and realize she is telling you she WANTS TO BE WITH YOU. Please don’t dismiss that as something worthless. This is the woman you claim to love and want to marry. She wants, very much, to keep your relationship together and thriving. She doesn’t want to start this new chapter across the country alone. This isn’t disrespect—she’s scared. She’s moving across the country to someplace brand new—she probably knows no one, she wants the man she loves with her not just because she wants you around but because she doesn’t want distance to come between you. And what are you doing? You’re letting distance come between you before she’s even left.
I’m not saying you two can’t come to a compromise that makes you both happy–your probably can—but right now the thing she likely fears most is losing you and you seem hellbent on making that happen. Recheck your priorities and consider being more flexible. And keep in mind most people giving advice on this sub have never even had a GF let alone a stable, healthy relationship.