So last year my boyfriend [M26] and I [F26] started pegging. We have done it quite a few times now and I was indifferent to it, didn’t love it, didn’t hate it…but I was happy he gets pleasure from it. However now I’m still not sure I’m into it at all and he keeps asking for it.
We have been together for just over 3 years, we live together and recently whilst putting laundry away I came across lace thongs, stockings and one pieces. Long story short when I asked him about it he said he likes to wear lingerie and watch men getting pegged by women in lingerie online. He was really embarrassed. Now he’s really keen for me to peg him whilst he wears this underwear and honestly it’s just not for me.
Whilst it’s nice that he felt safe to open up about it (only after I confronted him on finding his lingerie) I’m now completely turned off by the idea of pegging him as it’s turned the dynamic to me being more dominating. I’m not even slightly interested in being dominating, I’ve tried but it’s not my thing.
I really have tried to get onboard with the lingerie. I’ve seen him in his lingerie but it is not my thing.
My preference in men is masc presenting dominating men. I understand pegging isn’t inherently dominating but him in lingerie is not for me. I’m worried that if I don’t engage in pegging him in lingerie he will go behind my back and find someone that will or just straight up leave me.
He also is visibly uncomfortable/embarrassed when he’s going to go and douche. I will ask what he’s up to. He will tell me he fell asleep when I literally can hear him douching upstairs. This is also a huge turn off(the bathroom is right above my desk so believe me when I say I can hear everything).
Sometimes he will douche a few nights in a row without trying to have sex later on and it makes me feel anxious knowing he’s prepped for it but won’t ask. I will sometimes avoid going to bed until he is asleep because I’m so uncomfortable.
Other nights he will spend all evening in the bathroom 2-3 hours not even make an effort with me to get me in the mood and then expect me to peg him. He will ask while we’re together in the house via text. Big turn off.
Even when it comes to pegging him his body language is giving embarrassment and it’s really off putting. (Maybe because he’s come from a very upper class conservative family). When I do peg him I give encouragement, I’ve never said anything negative about it so I’m not sure why he’s still so embarrassed. I can’t get into it if he’s clearly feeling weird.
TLDR: my boyfriend wants me to peg him in lingerie and I’m not into it. I don’t know whether to stop pegging him completely or go along with it?
5 comments
Time to stop beating around the bush and just tell him that you don’t want to peg him anymore. You’re to the point of avoiding bedtime. That’s not cool, you’re both adults.
You shouldn’t feel like you have to do something just because your partner is into it. If you’re not then you need to be straight with him and say so. If it’s something that he isn’t willing to discuss or work out with you then you need to make sure you’re doing the right thing for you.
I appreciate you for trying it out with him. Now, you are not that into it, you’ll need to discuss it with him. No shame for not feeling it. Be respectful and honest with him about it. Don’t feel bad, it’s not for everyone and he needs to respect your boundaries
Honestly, it just seems he needs to indulge *you* now, not necessarily stop with pegging completely. But tell him its time to focus on you. You want him to be dominating and you want foreplay/be seduced. You gotta communicate.
Would an open relationship work?
If not, you may just be sexually incompatible and therefor not long term compatible in a relationship. It sounds like your sexualities are pretty diametrically opposed (or rather very similar – you both want to be submissive and are turned on by a dominant partner). Additionally it sounds like you simply aren’t attracted to him in the way he actually wants to be sexually (not traditionally masc).