Why do people do this

8 comments

1. Some people only focus on their problems and don’t notice when others around them are trying to help them. They focus on getting more but forget to say thank you.

   Talking to unappreciative people and making them understand problems is really hard. But you can try to talk about how you feel about what they are doing. When you talk to them, first assume that they are not doing anything on purpose.

   Be compassionate to their needs but also say they can’t ask for too much and don’t change how you act based on their behavior.

   If you meet people who don’t appreciate your help and always ask for more of your time, make the decision to distance yourself from them. This may look hard, but it will really help.

2. Keep helping people. It’s a good way to live. When someone takes that help and is unappreciative or ungrateful then don’t help them anymore. Instead help someone else. Eventually you will find people who appreciate what you have to offer.

   Also some people don’t want your help. If you give it they will use it but since it was never wanted they won’t be grateful.

3. You’re treating these people as friends when they’re just work acquaintances. Don’t let them tell you their problems.

4. 1. They didn’t realize it was your idea, like perhaps they forgot.
   2. They don’t like how smug they figure you’ll get if they admit you were helpful.
   3. They don’t realize you put effort into your help and figure it was too minor to thank you for.
   4. They aren’t close friends with you and it’s a little off-putting how hard you’re gunning.
   5. They already thanked you, you just forgot or have high standards for what that looks like.
   6. They’re not the type of person who thinks people need to be thanked.
   7. They don’t have the social skills or cultural background to realize people usually thank each other.

5. Perhaps you are helping when they just want to vent and have you listen and commiserate with them rather than actively doing something to help

6. I was in the same situation as you, and I let it drag on for so many years and let myself be upset. I don’t help others to be grateful, but it’s sad that they look for you when they have a problem and then brush their hands away like nothing happened. Now, I will still help others, but when I get annoyed by their attitude, I will definitely stop. Sometimes some people find you just to complain and not need a solution at all. But after all, you are not their trashcan.

7. I do agree that not updating people on your status can be rude. My cousin and her daughter always do a variation of this to me. One will tell me a secret asking for the keep it from the other. Then the next day they will tell the other, but not tell me it is no longer a secret. So I’m burdened by this unnecessary secret for years. And then they always act shocked I am keeping it secret.

8. They’re not coming to you for your suggestions. They’re coming to you for empathy, so they can talk through their problems — putting them into words helps them gain insight into what they want to do, whether or not you give your opinion or try to help. Listening *is* the help, in this case.

   Chances are, however, that they don’t *know* that’s why they come to you.

   They probably don’t notice that their problems always seem more manageable after they talk them through with you. They probably think you just enjoy listening to their problems (and if they’re not thanking you, then they almost certainly don’t realize it takes a toll on you.)

   By the way, pointing this out to them doesn’t help.