Hi reddit. This is my first post. I hope it ends up in the right place.
My husband and I are both 22 but everyone (including me) says he looks 16. We have been together since we were 16 and it’s like he has not aged since. Even sometimes when he tells people he’s 22 people do not believe him at all. He is very skinny and barely surpasses my height at 5’3. Sometimes I am embarrassed to be seen with him cause we look different ages completely.
Not only does he not look his age. He does not act his age either. He needs help doing everything, has very immature sense of humor, and almost no work experience. He has really only worked for his dads company in which is very flexible and easy to him (basically his dads assistant where he runs arens for him, shreds papers, or is just on his phone at work).
Because of this, I feel extreme lack of attraction for him (sometimes I even shudder in revulsion) cause I feel like I’m with a young boy instead of a man!
Marriage – and having a future family in general – is the one and only desire for my life. It’s what my hopes and dreams are set upon.
The problem is I don’t know what to do because I feel bitter because my dream of marriage feels broken. I sometimes wonder if I will always have a “what if” in the back of my mind. But on the other hand, I do love him. He does have a lot of great qualities, he’s kind and thoughtful and understanding. We have a lot of common values. I am sometimes so happy with him that I could never think of life without him! Our families are also close and he’s told me that he could never live life without me.
We were in couples therapy for some time but couldn’t afford it anymore. Can I develop attraction towards him and how?
11 comments
Why did you married him if you’re not attracted to him and are embarrassed to be with him outside?
This is so sad and toxic.
You married a child. You can’t make him grow up, and he’s not likely to try to grow up on his own since his parents are providing him with a living.
If you want an equal adult partner, he isn’t it. Please, please don’t have kids with this man.
Smart short king, get them while everyone’s short, no disappointment later
He runs his dad’s errands you mean?
Why did you marry him if you aren’t attracted. At some point in time you loved him but it sounds like you have someone else’s voice in your head. Who cares if he doesn’t age … flip the scenario he thinks your gross because you don’t look 16 any more. What I’m really getting at is you married him for his looks and what he can give you NOT for who he is.
~que angry woman rant
Why do women marry men for what they can get from them…ring, house(s), cars, kids, things and more things. I just don’t get it.
~end rant
His appearance will change at some point. His childish ways and work ethic won’t…if he isn’t motivated to change. Sit down with him and talk to him about how you feel about him. Leave out the looks thing but focus on what matters. Personally, I think he would be wise to get a job outside of daddy’s business, if for no other reason so that he can get a glimpse of what the world is really like. Let him know that you want to see him flourish and that you really want to be proud of him.
It sounds like there’s enough good here to make the relationship worth saving but he’s going to need to step up and make something of himself.
Does he see his reflection when he looks in a mirror?
Why are you married to this guy? Your entire post is just a laundry list of all the ways in which you aren’t attracted to him and don’t like him.
I had a boyfriend like this. Though his appearance wasn’t too far younger than me, he did have baby face into our 20s.
Bottom line, he just wasn’t ready to adult. He wasn’t motivated, he liked to sit around playing video games and smoking weed. I matured well beyond his capabilities, and we were no longer on the same level as each other. I wanted a career, nice house, travel…he wanted to do nothing.
You can’t force him to change. You need to decide if this is what you are willing to put up with for life, and begin the divorce process if not. Trying to pull him along through life is just sad and not accepting of who he is. Allow him to be him, but don’t feel compelled to stay.
Just chalk it up to not being a good match in the long run.
You are so young. Plenty of time to start over. It’s not always best to try to fix something that is just going to break again down the road.