I’m pissed off. I was just watching a podcast of some Christian men talking about issues that Christian men face. They all agreed that when they’re around attractive women that their mind goes to places sexually and they try to resist that and not put themselves in those kinds of positions because they want to honor Christ.
Can you believe the people and especially the women in the comments saying these men are creepy and bad people because they said that? So I guess if you’re tempted and you admit that you’re tempted but you want to resist, you’re a creepy bad person?
Honestly, it makes me wonder. I guess I’m not a good Christian because I definitely see some women and think “she’s hot.” But I don’t always act on my emotions and feelings. I also don’t see how saying that men struggle with this because of hormones is taking away responsibility from men. If I didn’t have certain hormones I wouldn’t even think about sex.
It’s weird. You literally can’t win and try to be a Christian. Especially if you’re a guy with any sexual feelings. It’s ok because I know the guy making fun of this podcast lusts after women sometimes too unless he’s not straight.
Tl;Dr I feel like trying to build healthy relationships as a straight man is difficult
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All about boundaries. I am in a committed situation and have thoughts about other women. That’s not something I can control. But I can control how I treat my partner and make her feel valued and attractive. Trying to reprogram your brain is impossible.
Unless a man’s thoughts about other women border on obsession (which would make it a mental health issue that should get checked out), there’s nothing unhealthy or creepy about seeing a woman and considering them attractive, as long as they’re able to cope with that feeling in a way that’s socially appropriate.
The idea that men (or anyone else) absolutely must repress that feeling at all costs, and that any failure to do so is a reflection of poor moral character, is pretty gross.
> They all agreed that when they’re around attractive women that their mind goes to places sexually and they try to resist that and not put themselves in those kinds of positions because they want to honor Christ.
The catch is, rather than keeping control of their emotions and actions in the moment, they avoid the moment entirely so they don’t have to exhibit self-control. It’s totally normal for men and women to feel urges, but real maturity and emotional health is being able to maintain respect and normalcy despite them.
Further, they’re being motivated to do this out of fear/respect for some dude, rather than out of respect for the women who it’d affect.
It’s hard for some women to imagine the thoughts about sex that men struggle to control. There was an episode of This American Life about a trans man who started taking testosterone and was completely shocked at how sexual his thoughts became.
I don’t think it’s helpful for men to get pissed at women who don’t understand them or for women to be disgusted by men who have more sexual thoughts than they do.
Not sure what being a Christian has to do with it.
>Can you believe the people and especially the women in the comments saying these men are creepy and bad people because they said that?
First day on the internet, huh? Yes I can believe these comments exist, because it’s a friggin *internet comment section*, lol. Pick any topic – ANY topic – and you can find droves of thoughtless, pointlessly mean, obnoxious comments on the subject.
>You literally can’t win and try to be a Christian.
Might I interest you in something we call secular living? We have all the ethics without the intense sexual repression or threats of eternal damnation~
In all seriousness though, maybe you’re hanging around with the wrong kinds of Christians. My grandpa was a minister, but him and his wife weren’t super repressed. They were joyful people who loved deeply and openly.
There’s a photo of my grandma from the 1940s, just after the war. She’s working in the fields, in nothing but overalls. No top, no bra, just a bit of denim covering her chest. She’s glancing over her shoulder, looking straight into the camera – which was held by my grandpa. She has a telltale smirk on her face like “you know what we’re about to do wink wink nudge nudge”. Lol. It’s very saucy!
My grandpa had open crushes on Lucy Lawless and Linda Carter when I was a kid. Heck, my family paid a Xena impersonator to show up at his 75th birthday party. He was thrilled.
The Christians I know who are actually happy people tend to be into the “celebrate life, celebrate joy, care for the needy and practice gratitude” type of Christians. The “you are a sinner and you must constantly punish and control yourself because you are inherently awful and bad and gross and shaaaaameful” kinda Christians do not ever seem happy to me.