Throwaway because my friend is always on Reddit and I don’t want him to feel embarrassed.
Gonna mention this now. My friend is MtF but doesn’t care to be referred to as F until the transitioning actually starts. They don’t feel misgendered, nor do they care, that’s why I’ll refer to them as male in this post. In his own words, he does not experience any dysphoria, and he prefers to be called male until further notice.
My(25m) best friend(22m) moved in with me about a month ago. It’s been a blast. We both work from home doing the same job, we have pretty similar hobbies and we’ve always gotten along great. We were roommates in college and that went great, and it’s been a comfortable journey as well. We’re both fairly open and we even share the same bed (it’s king-sized so he can deal with my rolling around) .
One night, we laid down and started watching some stuff on Youtube. He mentioned that now that he’s moved out of his mother’s, he’d like to start taking estrogen. I was sort of surprised, but I’m completely supportive of his decision and am always here for him no matter what. He left today and came home with his prescribed estrogen (in patch form) and applied it. It suddenly hit me that I should probably educate myself about the process he’ll be going through.
The reason I’m making this post is to ask for tips about what I can do during his transition to female to be supportive or helpful. I want to make it as easy as possible, but I’ve never witnessed a transitioning journey, let alone live with someone transitioning (in close quarters). If anyone can give me some advice as to what I should look out for, or ways I can make things easier, please let me know!
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TL;DR: My best friend is transitioning. What can I do to help, if anything, and what should I keep in mind during his transition to female?
9 comments
definitely just watch your misgendering, obviously be respectful of any of their wishes going forward; unless they’ve said anything specific to you, just being a good friend and supporting them through the transition and respecting boundaries you should be good. the fact that you’re asking and reaching out like this is a great sign – if you’re both still cool to be in such close quarters then that’s also a good sign that they trust you and feel comfortable. also worth noting of course hormones can change mood etc so just be aware of that, but best of luck to you both!! (apologies that i don’t have any real advice lol but yeah)
This would be better suited to /r/asktransgender than this sub. You will find a much better perspective there.
I know your friend says she doesn’t care about the pronouns yet, but I’d just be wary about it. She may care to some extent but isn’t voicing it as much. I’m transgender FtM and due to my anxiety I brushed off a lot of misgendering telling people it was “fine” when it really wasn’t. I personally felt that misgendering was an attack on me especially after starting hormones, because my body was slowly changing and growing facial and body hair I was starting to feel more confident and masculine and then someone would completely destroy all that confidence when they misgendered me.
But the fact that she’s comfortable enough to tell you about transitioning is amazing and as the transitioning progress continues your bond will grow, you’ll become a great support system for her and you’ll both learn about new things together.
Assuming this is real, head over to r/asktransgender for some better answers
Transitioning can be though physically and mentally. Make sure to be there for her when she needs you.
Advise for growing out hair because many people that grow up with short hair don’t know this; don’t wash your hair every day. Shampoo the roots and condition the ends. Long hair starts to look super frizzy and damaged if it’s washed every day and stripped of oils. Your friend is also starting puberty all over again and as we’re all aware, that was a very uncomfortable and unforgiving experience so just keep it in mind.
She may act inappropriately and immature, don’t take it too personally and realize she didn’t have space to make these mistakes in school.
don’t make weird or too overtly curious questions unless they feel comfortable in the situation, also, don’t force them into girl mode (female presentation) it could lead to stress and repression
It’s really difficult to remember a new name, well not remember it, but to use it. I had a friend at 15, rename herself and it was really difficult to use her new name in place of her old name. It took months for it to come reliably to my tongue and mind when required. I had a colleague with a different pronunciation of a name I was familiar with and I found that really difficult to manage too (and I was 50 yrs older). Just keep in mind that some people have difficulty with things like that, not for want of trying, just their rote minds seem impervious to change. You might too.