Let’s start with a fact that I work as a masseur in a luxury hotel in a very touristic area.
As you can imagine it happens sometimes that it’s a job which might result in you getting into something sexual with a person you’re massaging or even with co-workers who want you to do that for free, since that’s what our hotel gives as an option to people who work there.
I have to admit that situations like this happen very rarely, VERY RARELY and 99% it is just professional thing. But sometimes it went further and during 5 years of working here I fucked 4 of my coworkers and two of hotel guests, all were after a consent etc., no problem.
I said that to the girl I am dating and she got mad at me and jealous too, saying “I did not do things like this even though I would like to, I have to rethink if I should date you since you made me feel worse as a woman”.
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What can I do now?
27 comments
As long as it was all consensual, you could have sex with 100 people before her. It’s none of her business as it not yours of her sexual past. Remind her that If you didn’t like the person right now you wouldn’t be with her. It’s not like you knew you were going to date her in the future and as long as you weren’t cheating on a past partner there’s no issue. She either can be an adult and not care or you can dump her.
>it’s a job which might result in you getting into something sexual with a person you’re massaging or even with co-workers who want you to do that for free, since that’s what *our hotel gives as an option* to people who work there.
Uh, what?
Your employer allowed you to have sex with guests?
>I did not do things like this even though I would like to
Uh, what?
She was a masseuse and she *wanted* to have sex with customers but refrained?
This isn’t really a jealousy thing – this is a boundaries thing. Presumably, you had to be certified in order to work as a masseur, correct? You’re gambling your future with risky sexual encounters.
I’d be leery even if there were no infidelity on your part, were I your partner. This kind of behavior shows a lack of control and/or boundaries on your part.
She should probably leave YOU! You literally had sex with people that you worked with? Did you ever sleep with them again or was it just one time? How can she trust that you won’t fuck these people you are literally touching their skin?????
Let her think about it. Maybe you guys are just not compatible. It seems like you have been treating sex very casually and maybe for her it’s more of a serious thing.
>As you can imagine it happens sometimes that it’s a job which might result in you getting into something sexual with a person you’re massaging
Tbh I cannot and that sounds extremely unprofessional
I personally would have an issue because I think it’s stupid to shit where you eat, meaning I wouldn’t fuck coworkers or guests, and I don’t like people who do things I deem stupid. Not sure if this girl is just jealous or has similar sentiments, but sounds perhaps this may not work out for y’all
She has to make the decision if she wants to move forward with your relationship. For some, this would be a dealbreaker. Be glad that this is coming out now, and not after marriage and a couple kids. I hope y’all can work it out.
Hmm… I get that it could be jealousy / envy… but, another perspective…
Personally, someone sleeping with their clients / coworkers would be a huge red flag to me. Not sure how it is in your industry, but in my industry, both could get me fired or even blacklisted from my industry (engineer in a niche industry). A nut is not worth losing money over when there are 8 billion people on the planet. Maybe when I was younger and doing entry level work – but not in an established career. I’d imagine that’s especially risky for any kind of certification that is required to touch other people in such an intimate manner.
If I was seeking a potential long term partner (not NSA, not fwb), I would feel leery about them risking their job/career, it seems pretty irresponsible tbh. It is worth noting that I am a polyamorous chick with a considerable “body count”. I would consider myself to be pretty open-minded about a partner’s sexual history. But shitting where you eat on more than one occasion would throw a lot of red flags for me.
Isn’t sexual contact under any circumstances with a client regarded as highly unprofessional?
Sounds like a misalignment in morals and values. she has some standards and boundaries and isn’t in to sleeping around like that. Which is fine and what you did is fine for you. Just takes deeper communication to iron that out.
Massage therapist here 🙋🏻♂️ Doesn’t sound legal to me, what hotel is this? Lol and yah if you have fucked clients you massaged in the past then she will assume it will happen again. So she probably won’t get over your past unless you are no longer massaging anyone but her
In my state what you did is illegal. Professional massage therapists can lose their license for having sex with clients. I see a problem with your moral compass there that would lead me to question a future with someone who would do that. To me, that’s worse than cheating on an ex.
If this was only about a “body count” and a partner had an issue with the number of partners in my past, I’d just let it go. I wouldn’t fight to fix things either way because it’s irrelevant as long as their STI test results align with mine.
Sometimes it’s not worth the fight to be right. If she doesn’t like your past sexual history, she can have that stance. Probably should have happened before you were intimate, not after and it would have saved a lot of heart ache.
Well your professional ethics are definitely shit, so there’s that. Honestly just referring to yourself as a “masseur” is problematic and a red flag by industry standards. Sounds like you have an uphill battle, largely against your own ethics.
Wait, we’re allowed to have sex with our co-workers? Must have missed that in the employee handbook…
Ummmm your professional ethics are garbage and kind of predatory. I’d see this as a massive red flag if I were her.
Nothing against you. But I would be insecure too I my partner was you. BC it’s really difficult to control your feelings if you are gonna get free sex.
Ugh, I got the ick reading this. Not my kind of guy if he can’t stay professional at work, so I agree with her tbh.
>I work as a masseur in a luxury hotel in a very touristic area.
>during 5 years of working here I fucked 4 of my coworkers and two of hotel guests
That’s way too much to be doing at work. It’s going to be incredibly hard to find someone who doesn’t have a similar job to trust that you won’t cheat. It’s a pretty likely risk.
You have a strange job and if I were a woman who just found this out, I’d never date you. Not into hookers.
Wait… isn’t that consider a form of prostitution by legal law standards if you are having sex in exchange for services/goods/money???
Even if it’s consensual, OP, you are by law a male prostitute for a happy ending parlor if this is what the hotel allows.
Who cares about how many you’ve slept with, I’m just focusing on the fact of the legality side of how the hotel has a loop hole and allows their staff who give massages to also give happy endings?!?!?
Not sure what country you’re in, but most countries unless they have a legal red light distract, can’t legally allow this behavior in an operation.
methinks she doesn’t want to commit to the kind of person who has fucked on the clock
This would be a dealbreaker for me solely because of how unprofessional that behavior is. Red flag to sleep with your clients
You would have to do quite a lot to reassure her that you aren’t going to cross those boundaries with more clients or coworkers. There is a clear boundary between someone who is performing a service that is not intended initially to be sexual and the person receiving the service. You have crossed that boundary with multiple clients. You have also had sex with multiple coworkers in the past. She doesn’t trust you to maintain good boundaries at work and that is not unreasonable in this case. The way you are more than willing and happy to pile all the blame on her in this situation and not take a single ounce of accountability is also unfair and makes me think there’s a bit more to the story. It’s likely not that she’s not compatible with you, I think you are not compatible with her.
You would have to do quite a lot to reassure her that you aren’t going to cross those boundaries with more clients or coworkers. There is a clear boundary between someone who is performing a service that is not intended initially to be sexual and the person receiving the service. You have crossed that boundary with multiple clients. You have also had sex with multiple coworkers in the past. She doesn’t trust you to maintain good boundaries at work and that is not unreasonable in this case. The way you are more than willing and happy to pile all the blame on her in this situation and not take a single ounce of accountability is also unfair and makes me think there’s a bit more to the story. It’s likely not that she’s not compatible with you, I think you are not compatible with her.
I think the girl you are dating deserves better than you and should move on
tbh i don’t think she’s jealous… i think she has the ick because you have sex with your clients 🤮