I don’t drive, no license, medical.

She does all the driving. She asks when we should go shopping.

Since she’s the sole controller of the transport and I have the day off, I say,
“Whenever you want.”
Why was she annoyed?

10 comments

  1. It sounds like she wants you to have some agency and desire to put forth some effort in the relationship. Is it possible she’s tired of making a lot of decisions and wants some input? I feel like a lot of details are missing but that’s my initial reaction.

    I’m on a mom of 3 and I work, and when I ask my spouse for input and he puts it back on me, I asked it because I want him to play an active role in our lives. I *can* make the decision but executive function is already a huge part of managing my kids and work and sometimes I just want someone else to take the lead.

  2. Because she wants you to make a decision, rather than just putting it all on her.

  3. She asked you to pick a time, so yeah refusing to give an answer can be annoying.

  4. “How would 1:00pm work for you?”

    Or whatever time you choose. That way you’re suggesting something specific but leaving her an “out” if she was hoping for late morning or whatever.

  5. Because you’re adding to her mental load. I’m the one who drives in our relationship and it’s the same thing and it is SO irritating. I want him to give me a time so I can plan the rest of my day. If I have something going on such that there’s a time that won’t work, I communicate that because now, the mental load isn’t exacerbated by deciding a time; I know that 2pm doesn’t work for me.

    But when I have nothing important going on and *I ask him to make a choice,* he needs to make that choice (and my husband does most of the time because I’ve told him this).

  7. Some men are such panzies and pussy cats that it becomes sickening after a while !

  8. She is deferring the decision to you and to women there is nothing worse than a man that cannot make a simple decision

  9. She wants a co-pilote, someone who will carry the mental load of making decisions, taking ownership of that decision and its consequences.

    That’s what co-pilotes do, decide the road to take while the driver focuses on the road.

  10. If you’re going to bother her with her being the sole driver, least you can do is have an opinion and help execute a plan 😏

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