What was it like to get into a healthy relationship after being in toxic ones?

11 comments

1. Well sorta the same, my marriage was toxic as hell and then we got better. But I will say I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop or some new bullshit to start. It’s like constantly looking over your should even if you don’t realize you’re doing it. It also feels like I can finally breathe and now that can I’m kind of not sure what to do with it. I have emotional room and energy for other things but I’m also just kind of exhausted and recovering from the whole experience.

2. I sabotaged relationships a lot when I was younger. Abusive parents taught me I wasn’t worth a giving partner. It took years away from them and counseling before I was able to have a healthy relationship.

   My marriage was extremely abusive. Once I got in a healthy relationship I’ve been very cautious.

3. I would not know what a healthy relationship was anymore, my last date tried to get me to do coke with her, and the one before that stole the silverware from the restaurant we were at.

4. Sex took a bit of re-adjustment/getting used to. After my horrifically abusive four year relationship with a sociopath, I at first kind of man-whored, did one one night stands with a series of girls that….I kinda knew werent gonna be anything special. Perhaps just by luck, none of those women had anything “greater” in mind, relationship-wise.Then I met my wife, a woman who mattered. It took us about two years before sex was…re-integrated, as it were.

5. My last relationship was terribly toxic, I then met someone new and it felt too good to be true…

   I wasn’t used to the compliments, the caring nature or just being with someone that was so effortlessly easy to be around.

   9 years on and she’s just the same, genuinely feel so lucky to have found someone to bring out the better side of me. She’s supportive, loving and everything that’s been lacking before.

6. Had a massive period of transition, where I didn’t trust and kept myself off the rails, but after that couldn’t believe the relieve and lack of stress and anxiety. Took some getting used to, but in a good way.

7. Like breathing fresh air after escaping a smoke-filled room.

   I wasn’t afraid because it felt so natural, so comfortable, so easy. It felt like it had been going on forever, from the very first day.

8. It was definitely a slow burn at first. I was used to the rollercoaster of emotions that likely contributed to me falling hard for the wrong people. When I finally met my current girlfriend I was dumbfounded as she didn’t add any stress to my life. Things were somehow easier than when I was single, and that’s when I realized I was in a healthy relationship.

9. It was hard. Even if you’re not toxic yourself, you’re used to your partner being toxic and it takes a lot of work to not accidentally fuck things up by expecting poor behavior from your partner.

   It also takes a bit of practice to truly open up and accept a healthy love when all you know is unhealthy love.

10. Have you ever had a really bad stomach cramp that was agonizingly painful at three in the morning, you’re sitting on the toilet and sweating, it feels like there’s a bowling ball in your gut but all that comes out is wet farts? Then, you feel a sudden cramp go south, you loosen up and everything just goes flying out at once, including all the pain you were just in, and all you can feel is the sweet release of all the tension, sweat, tears, and aches, with nothing but happiness despite the foul smell around you? It’s kind of like that.

11. It can change your life. However, I thought I was ready to change for the better, but it scared me and I tried to ruin my relationship while this girl was just trying to love me and show me that not everyone is out to hurt me. After I cheated on her multiple times, I ended up in therapy and because this woman is a far better woman than I deserved at the time, she stayed and she began to see me become the man that she always knew i was capable of being. We’ll have been married for 2 years this year and she’s the best thing to ever happen to me.

    The best things I ever learned, through extensive therapy and self reflection :
    1) Your current partner IS NOT the ex that hurt you
    2) A great partner can make you feel whole again, but its up to YOU to put in the work to put yourself back together
    3) Your mistakes don’t define you, but how you handle those mistakes and whether you choose to learn from them, THAT defines you.