I’ve been dating my bf for a little over a year now. Our sex life has kinda stopped all together. We haven’t really talked about it much though. I assumed its because I work 50-60 hours a week and he just recently transitioned from a WFH to a location based job.
Two weeks ago I was using his computer to look up camping spots for my birthday. I used the history tab to find a previous search I made and found the porn he watches.
It’s all slim asian and white women. This wouldn’t have bothered me if I wasn’t a short thicker hispanic woman.
Since Ive found out, it’s been a constant nagging thought in the back of my mind. I feel like I’m not attractive in his eyes. This hurts because he’s my first serious relationship and he’s the first person I’ve ever believed when he told me he thought I was beautiful.
Is this something I just need to work on myself, or should I have a conversation with him? I don’t want you to make him feel dirty and bad about his preferences, but I also don’t want to ignore what I’m feeling because I know that’s not healthy either.
11 comments
People are allowed to and often do find more than one aesthetic attractive
Why not just initiate sex? Sounds like you two aren’t connecting and you’re looking for reasons why that is other than the fact that you aren’t having sex.
I look at porn featuring women that don’t look like my wife for a reason, and that reason definitely isn’t her not being attractive.
The standstill of a sex life however is a significant concern. Talk to him. Dont even bring up that you looked through his browser history (and let’s be real, you tried to make it sound accidental but you clearly clicked through it)
What’s behind the sex life stoppage? Have you talked to him about that?
I married a man who wasn’t very attractive, but I couldn’t help falling madly in love with him. He became my best friend, too. It’s not the same for everyone, but in my case looks are secondary to how I feel when I’m with someone (anyone, really).
Maybe you aren’t his physical type. Maybe it doesn’t matter to him because you are so much more beyond that. ❤️
Might just be he enjoys variety with his porn
My wife is a Latina, I think she’s beautiful and way out of my league
And sometimes I watch porn of Asian, Black, White women.
Have you talked to him about the decrease in sex? Tell him you want more, you’re a hot blooded Latina
It was a major cause of my divorce. I have a very antiquidated view of porn. I don’t approve and I’ll leave it at that.
He would watch about ladies of a whole different colour than I am.
There were other factors contributing to the demise of our relationship but the porn he watched was a part of it.
Good luck and I’m giving you a((hug))
Face value, I’m all about beach (yes beach not bleach) blondes. Yet all my life I’ve dated dark haired women and now married a mixed Latina. Apparently my “type” isn’t my type of that makes sense. I wouldn’t worry too much about the porn your hubby watches.
Love is different than lust. But communication is the most important thing in a relationship. Tell him how you feel.
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Honestly as a man it really depends on the day. Porn is an awful thing. You become bored with one type and it becomes toxic to the brain. You look got that next high and always need ti change it up. His porn search could have been the flavor of the day. He might truly believe you to be beautiful. I know I love Hispanic women but I also find whites women and Asians to be attractive. It might not be as deep as you’re making it. I mean if specifically types in white women every time or Asian every time then maybe there is an issue.
Just talk ti him about it calmly and see if that helps. Open communication is always best.