So me (25f) and my bf (22m) have a different sex drive and I dont know what to do about it.
Long story short, when we met we had this so called honeymoon phase (having sex like more than twice per day whenever we saw each other) and it lasted for at least 4 months. I wasn’t taking the pill at the time and after finding a broken condom for the third time we decided for me to take it. Everything was okay at first, but after four months I’m starting to lose appetite when it comes to being intimate with him and I don’t know if it’s due BC or just me.
He’s very sweet and affectionate. He’s the first guy that actually worships my body and calls me pretty and beautiful all the time and if it was his choice I believe we would have sex everyday, but lately this has become a problem for the two of us mainly because I now feel kind of pressured to have sex with him, and since we live together now he’s literally trying every day.
Whenever he suggests it, it just feels like it’s not the right time for me and I feel tired by just thinking about it. Sometimes I help him out, but even then I’m not 100% into it and I know rejecting him all the time is aggravating the situation. When we do get intimate most of the times it hurts for me and I don’t feel as much pleasure as I did before so I’m just waiting for him to finish and get things done.
I even feel bad to admit this but I had to fake orgasms because when he wants to focus on my pleasure and for me to come I just want it to stop. I didn’t had a proper orgasm in a month or so (by introducing a Satisfyer during the act).
I suggested to not pressure me every day since it makes me feel guilty and kinda obligated to satisfy him and it feels wrong but he says he doesn’t trust me to have the responsibility to initiate things on my own and believes it will take a month for me to try anything and he wants at least twice per week.
We are both young, and I should be willing to be intimate with him but the more he pushes, the more pressure I feel and less I want to do it and it’s making me feel really guilty and sad.
I really like him and this is the first relationship I ever had in my life and I just don’t know how to handle it… please help.
4 comments
Some slow down in your sex life is normal. BC can cause issues. I’m a guy so I don’t know if BC affecting you is the issue. I do think you need to talk it out as it seems to be going downhill fast.
Are you on any other medications apart from the pill? How is your arousal and have you been masturbating?
>he wants at least twice per week.
So what’s the frequency we are talking about here? Is it less than once or rarely once per week? And he’s fine with getting them twice a week or is that a minimum requirement of his?
There are three major problems :
Hormonal bc can kill the libido completely. And cause Vaginal dryness due to also lack of arousal. That gives you pain
Honeymoon is over. Everyday life is there and you loose that excitement.
Now you are pressured to have sex though it should something pleasureful. Moreover you begin to be afraid of having sex since it hurts and you just do it for him.
Solutions:
Try different bc (condoms again, posz coital bc when it breaks, iud or at least a different pill (they all have diverse side effects some work against acne some kill more libido then others)
May be change you sex in more non penetration sex like massages, relaxed oral sex, strip poker. Or find new kinks. Try toys together, body paint, may be bdsm?
Fi d out what stresses you the most and may be go on a vacation weekend?
Talk with him. Honestly never fake an orgasm on a regular basis. May be go to therapy together to help improving your relation. Like training. Not like someone’s Ill.
Looks like this relationship is not working for you. The solution is really simple. you need to find somebody with the same matching sex drive.