TLDR: My boyfriend and I want to live together due to my family potentially kicking me out if they find out about him. His co-op unit will kick his family out if he leaves. I do not want to break up, just want the best way to go forward with this.
Before I start, I do not want any advice saying I should break up. This man is the one for me and I’m more than thankful that I didn’t have to wait long before I met him. We have a big rock in our path and I want the best way to go around it.
My boyfriend and I plan on moving in together some time this year. We have a timeline for getting engaged and married so finding a home is apart of this. Last night, my boyfriend’s mom told my man that if he moves out, she, his dad and brother will be kicked out as a minimum of 4 people need to live in his co-op housing unit. His sister (16f) is moving in with her boyfriend and grandma and his family is allowing it. She wouldnt care about having have her parents kicked out but my boyfriend has strong family values like me.
I love his family and they want me to move into their house but there’s many issues with that. Firstly, they’re hoarders (mostly bf’s dad), his dad drinks a lot, he has 4 cats and I have two 20 gal fish tanks and 30+ houseplants and bonsai and the home is so cluttered you have to walk over stuff just to go to the washroom. I live in a home of neat freaks so his home makes me feel very uncomfortable.
My boyfriend wants to move out as much as I do but he can’t have his family be kicked out, they can’t afford to move. This puts my life in jeopardy because my family is religious and cultural, I’m not allowed to date so if they find out about him, they’ll make my life hell or kick me out.
This situation is very sticky and I don’t know how to deal with it.
2 comments
Can you get your own place? You didn’t mention employment, but I assume you’re in a full time job that will allow you to pay half the rent, utilities, groceries etc. You could do that with a roommate, bf can visit.
And if you’re life is genuinely in jeopardy if you’re caught having a bf, you would probably be safer if your parents knew you were living with a female roommate.
Are you going to be able to keep your family from finding out you’re living with your bf? Are they in the same area as you, or do they have to arrange flights and let you know in advance they are coming to see you? If they want to spontaneously video chat with you, are you going to be able to get rid of all signs in the background that a man lives with you or a man comes over a lot?