So, I’m 16M, and I started to notice that I treat my mother the way my father treats her. Obvious, right. The thing is, he doesn’t treat her well.
For example, my father gets angry when he tries to teach her something on computer (She learns very slowly when it comes to tech), and she can’t do it.
I did that to her today. I tried to teach her something on pc and shouted at her for not being able to learn the simple thing.
I also treat her coldly. My response to her is very monotone, cold, lacking in warmth and compassion.
When I notice myself doing it, I get angry at myself. Then, because I feel bad, I can’t manage to get back in a good mood. And it repeats, like negative loop.
I know it’s my fault. I know that a healthy person would not behave like me. They would try and try to teach her, calmly, without all the rage.
What should I do? I don’t trust therapy and that stuff. I want to hear from someone who has gone through this. Who has really overcome this problem, instead of hiding it. I want to hear from you.
3 comments
My advice would be to sit down with your mum and talk to her about it.
It’s not genes, it’s not nature, it’s nurture. You have learnt by observing.
You have to learn another way. Talking to your mum about it would be great for both of you. She probably feels stupid if both her husband and child are calling her stupid.
How would you feel if the 2 people you loved the most, thought you were stupid? I wonder what your mum tells herself about herself.
If you can be honest with your mum about this, if you can tell her you see how you treat her and you don’t like it… they might be the start of some merging special between you and her.
P.S. forgive your dad. He’s just learnt it too. We learn it generation to generation, until we break the cycle.
Learn how to treat your mum and other women well and your kids will see that when the time comes, breaking the generational cycle.
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You’re wanting to change is the first step. I realized in my twenties that I had a lot of issues I’m now in my 40s and still working through them.
Changing will absolutely take a while. I would start off by researching emotional intelligence. It’s something that everybody can gain and I have a feeling that you need it