How do you make yourself feel hopeful for the future when you feel like the world is stacked against you and you’re just generally unhappy?

7 comments

1. I think back to the last time I felt that way and then I think of what came after and how I couldn’t have foreseen it.

   l feel better knowing 10 years ago I didnt picture this (where I am now) so who knows what can happen in the next 10.

2. I change my own mindset. I always allow myself to have a quick “pity party” of just doing absolutely nothing and letting my bed suck me in but I never let it last for too long before I start back to carry my body to be productive, go back to my usual routine and most importantly putting my mind into focus mode onto something I want to achieve.

3. lexapro 🙂 kinda kidding but last year, I woke up everyday with so much dread and unhappiness that I started to worry for myself. My negative thoughts felt so out of body, and I stopped giving a shit because it all felt so stacked against me. I started therapy and actually found someone I liked & stuck with it. My therapist + my psych have helped me a lot. Turns out I have very real depression and anxiety. Last week, after 1 full year on it, I was walking around my town on a sunny day and started to happy cry. I felt so happy for no reason at all and forgot what that felt like. I still have dread, but it’s not eating me alive and causing spirals and isolation.

4. I try to make the small wins, big wins. Like a snowball effect. & i know we’re not supposed to compare ourselves but I always think “someone has it way worse and they’re still making it. I can overcome whatever obstacles I feel the world is throwing at me.”

5. I try to make plans with family or friends or find events that are exciting to me, having something to look forward to helps.

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7. I don’t really. My method had always been about not focusing on the negatives, but instead focusing on taking one step at a time until I’ve moved past the rough spots.

   It’s been extremely hard to do that the last half year though. I’ve struggled with increasing chronic exhaustion for the last 10 years. It’s gradually getting worse. This Winter it was so bad I honestly should’ve taken sick days, but didn’t. Not only am I so tired I don’t have energy for literally anything outside work, but my brain is just as affected as my body, and my usually extremely resilient brain has been so dark and emotional I barely recognise myself. I’ve cried more times than the last 10 years combined probably.

   If only I could get a break. I’ve had a couple. A couple of times where my body and brain doesn’t feel drained, and I feel rested and there’s hope that I can live well. But there’s been so few and so short.

   There’s no medicine, and the public as well as my doctor believes that my illness doesn’t exist. There’s no help to be had. So I decided to try eating differently to see if it can help. I also am going to accept that I can’t do all the things I want to – I have had to accept that long ago, but I still over exert myself. I need to stop. So I am going to dedicate the next year to try to get better and only that. Nothing else matters. If I’m still not better? Time to look at getting long term partial sick leave, and learn to live with the fact that I’m seriously ill.

   I am afraid. I’m afraid of not working 100%, or at all. I’m afraid of not getting better and still working – which means that all my energy will keep going to work, and I just live like a tired ghost on my spare time for another year. I’m afraid of not being able to do anything I want to anymore. The things I used to love. I’ve given up so much already but the illness just keeps taking, and I can’t give much more before I break.

   So I do what I do best; make a plan. Eat healthy. Rest. Work out if it’s even just 1 situp a week when I have the energy. See if it helps. If yes; great. Keep doing it. Maybe next year I can do things that makes me happy again. If not; changes are going to be made. Time to gear up to bother doctors, possibly work less, and find an alternative way to live that I’ve never even wanted to imagine before, but I have had to realize the last couple of months may be impossible to avoid. If I have to I will just find a way to make it work.