TW: physical abuse
I’ve moved out, (I’m 18). Maybe it’s because they were young when they had me. They were 19. They’re now 37.
My dad hits her and honestly I know it’s taken me too long but I’m starting to figure out this isn’t what it should be. My mom still worships him. It’s horrible to see. My dad is so cruel to her. My mom is the sweetest thing ever.
All my life my dads hit her. I never saw it until I was older but I heard it all the time. I remember asking my mom if all daddies hit mommies and she said “what??? Daddy never hits mommy!! NEVER.” She wasn’t being sarcastic. She was in defense mode. I thought she was being serious and maybe I was hearing things until I was 10 and he gave her a bloody nose for scratching his Mercedes. He literally grabbed her hair and shoved her in the garage and her nose hit the concrete and she said “oh daddy didn’t mean that, it was just an accident”
Cops come all the time to our house. My mom would just lie to them. It would be me and her and he’d be in the back of the car. They said he’ll be gone and never be near her again and she’s say “NO! He never hit me, it’s just a misunderstanding, don’t take him away, please!” And they wouldn’t. He’d be nice for a couple days and then be an asshole.
Nothing has changed. They’ve been married 15 years. My mom came to my new apartment to visit and had a black eye. She said she fell on her bike.
I guess I’m just ranting but i wish there was something I could do but I know if I call police she’ll just lie because she doesn’t want him to go. She’ll never leave him because she loves him too much. I fucking hate that guy.
5 comments
Do what you can to protect her. Maybe these folks can help you help her: https://www.thehotline.org or you can call them at 1-800-799-7233.
I’m so sorry OP. Are you seeking therapy?
I just wanted to point out that since you have witnessed the abuse first hand you actually may have better results calling the cops as they won’t have to rely on your mom’s cooperation.
Darling she wasn’t in defence mode. She was in protection mode for the sake of you. But it obviously doesn’t matter because she knew you’d grow eventually and this excuse would no longer justify the abuse. So sad 😢 ❤️
I would start by calling her out next time she shows up with an injury. If she says “I fell off my bike”, say “Mom, I know Dad has hit you in the past. Is that what happened this time? I’ll be there for you no matter what.” I know it’s tough to be in a situation where you have to protect your Mom, but she may be emotionally stunted at the age she had you, making you both the same age.
Another thing you could do is ask your mom about the two of you getting family therapy together. I’m sure witnessing their abusive marriage was traumatizing for you. I don’t know if you’ve had therapy, but having family therapy with your mom could allow the therapist to intervene.