First of all, I work at a mine and we work a 2 week on 2 week off rotation so we live at the mine for 2 weeks at a time. Me and another person in my department became really good friends as we are both introverts and prefer 1 on 1 social interactions. Therefore, we tended to have dinner together most nights as opposed to joining the rest of the department in a large group setting as we found it a better way to unwind at the end of the day.
I was on vacation for a shift recently and now that I’m back all of a sudden he always seems to want to join the large group dinner instead of having dinner with me. I mentioned that I don’t mind joining the group sometimes but most nights would rather have dinner with him or myself. Because he always wants to join the group I have dinner myself most of the time now.
I’m starting to think he wanted to join the group all along but was just too shy initially and bonded with them while I was away so now he is comfortable doing that. It is frustrating for me as it’s not that I’m too shy to join the group I just would rather have dinners 1 on 1 with people after working in a team all day (recall that I mentioned I’m an introvert).
Am I right to express frustration toward this because I feel a bit misled? Or am I overthinking this and should just learn to have dinners on my own/go against my preference and join the group? Thanks for the input!
1 comment
You are allowed to feel frustrated but not at your coworker and not for being “misled.” You are assuming things that your coworker hasn’t said out loud themselves. It sucks that someone you were comfortable with starts diverging from your usual plans and it changes your routine, but you can’t have them always conforming to your wants and needs.
Maybe you can be honest with them and say how much you appreciate your time together and if every so often you can still have one on ones. Or just keep extending that invite and be happy when they say yes. If not, learn to accept to be okay with eating with yourself more often, or muster up the courage and see how it is eating dinner with the whole group, if you haven’t already. Hey maybe it might be a lot better than you expected. If not, hey that’s life. Adjust and move on.