For context; we’re married for 14 months, both 29 yo.
Overall everything’s fine. And I’m happy but this weekend we had continuous fight.
We don’t live together since my marriage, he comes on weekends.
We both are doctors.He works in a basic health unit in a village and I live in the city with his family (who are nice to me). Professionally I’m senior to him. 3 years almost. But he’s financially more stable by his family. But I always want him to succeed. He tries but not like I think he should do. He hasn’t passed a single exam. He has alot of family business in the village to deal. And then alot of travelling for his health unit. And then on weekends he has to play pub-g.
The only reason of our fight. I can overlook the facts his time getting wasted for family matters in the village but when he intentionally does this it boils my blood. No matter how much I try to control and not be bossy, I keep interfering, he’d be apologetic (while playing game) and then at 1 point he’ll lose his temper too.
He’s been constantly playing game since friday. After every game he’ll come to me trying to be playful, took me on long drive and other things. And again he’ll go play game with his brothers.
And if I ask him to leave it again and again, he says I’ll start studying from monday. And I just cant get this digested. He’s not a school going kid. I took a promise from him im ramadan that he won’t play it for 1 month and he fulfilled it. Now he’s doing it again.
It’s not that he’s always doing it, but when he does he just won’t stop and exam is near.
I’ve been grumpy too. I don’t know if I’m wrong or just making a mountain out of rye. But we’re expecting a baby and I want him to be mature.
I couldn’t put every detail, that would be long but I really need help. It has strained our relationship. And that’s bothering me the most. But how can I just overlook the reality.
4 comments
Was he playing video game before marriage? If so, you knew the deal, you can’t change people, he will keep apologizing but won’t make any changes.
You want someone who is on the same level as you and it seems that you are not which is why you resort to telling him and interfering…..and here’s the thing: you can’t force someone to want something better for themselves. You just have to focus on you and your own path. You said so yourself; he has never had to really work for much so what makes you think being a doctor will change how he is? What it comes down to is this: if he wanted it bad enough, he would. He has the money and resources but he chooses not to.
So now you are faced with this choice: do you continue pursuing your own path to success and risk incompatibility with him in the future (but at least you dont have to be his mommy) and accept that he seems happy and fine where he is or do you continue to force the issue and fight? I’d choose the former, if I were you. Everyone is different and his aspirations are different from yours and if you aren’t struggling, then why pick at it?
He is not okay, possibly mentally ill. Video game addiction is an addiction to dopamine, which counteracts cortisal. He most likely chose marriage out of a societal obligation, and it isn’t that he doesn’t love you, but he is simply following a prescribed narrative. Say thanks, but no thanks, and find your happy with someone who appreciates and values you.
There’s nothing wrong with gaming, my husband and I are both daily gamers. But only for as long as we can. We still have jobs, responsibilities. Clean the house, spend time together, we go out all the time. Video games aren’t the problem, it’s him and his commitment. You mentioned it’s an arranged marriage and you guys don’t even live together. That doesn’t sound like a healthy combination. I honestly don’t see it working out due to the fact that it was a forced marriage and you guys don’t live together. Of course he games on the weekend, a lot of people use the weekend for their hobbies. It’s possible if you lived together this would be less of an issue because you’d always be together.
But even still, it’s about his choice to commit not really the video games specifically. If it wasn’t video games, it would be another hobby he focuses on instead of the marriage that it honestly sounds like he didn’t want.