A couple months ago, my girlfriend (37) cheated on me (43). A little background… We have known each other for about 10 years. I met her at some party and we were more in a sexual relationship. She would do her thing and I would do mine. But as time passed, we had more and more feelings for each other. About a year ago, we decided to get into a bf/gf relationship. We have such amazing times together. I love her to pieces and she says the same about me. I have never been more in love with someone before and she said the same.
She used to see someone for a year or so but it was a long distance relationship. She lives in Philadelphia and he lives in Maine. That is 600 miles away. She would only see him maybe a month out of the year but she played around outside the relationship. I guess it was an open relationship. Anyway, we had a FWB thing going on but I was unaware she was with someone else. Since we have been dating, I told her we must be 💯 honest with each other. She told me she was with someone but it is complicated. I told her we are together and that means we are together, not her with someone else. She was obviously so in love with me I figured she told the guy. But sure enough, this guy comes and helps her move into her new house. She did not tell me this, even though she said she’d be completely honest. I had this sinking feeling that week and knew something was amiss. We would talk every single day but no real texts from her for like 3 days. I find this out through someone else and am broken.
After he left, I go to speak with her and tell her how this made me feel. She admitted it and said she was with this guy for years and then she found me. We spent the night talking then having sex. I was unsure if I wanted to do that too but after our talk, I believed she did not intentionally mean to hurt me because she was confused. This guy coming from Maine was planned and it was not to just help her move. I am too much a softy so I did not pass judgement but made it clear this is the last time anything like this can happen. She agreed.
She got in touch with this fella a few days ago and told him that she and I are together so she wants to break it off. I am like, wait you are only now telling this guy? That should have been a red flag right there.
We go back to our merry ways, both madly in love with each other. I usually leave flowers on her doorstep just to do it because she is always on my mind. She says she can’t stop thinking about me. Then yesterday, I make her dinner, we have wine, then go out to a baseball game. It was so much fun. She told me it was surreal and felt like she was in dreamland. Then…..
She tells me today that same guy is going to be driving down to talk about their breakup, because she owes him that to tell him in person. So, I know what is going to happen and it is tearing me apart inside. She is having sex with her ex boyfriend while she is in a supposed relationship with me. It is really painful and I don’t know how to handle it. The last time this happened, people told me to completely cut her out of my life but I was so in love with this girl and she with me so I’m like, nah she just messed up. But here it is, happening again. At least she was honest this time but it is a punch in the face that she’s now getting with her ex. She said that after she talks to him, it will cement how she feels about me. If she says she decides to be with me from here on out, I’m not sure I can be with someone like this. Maybe she just needed one last lay from him but, in my mind, a relationship means two people who only have sex with the other. I have nothing against poly ones but that isn’t me.
So I am in a lot of pain right now and this is the 2nd time she has done this. I feel I need to not just cut it off but cut her out. That is very hard when I love her so much. However, this is toxic and I cannot put myself in this situation because it is too much drama. I have known this girl for like 10 years and is this how it is going to end?
Love stinks
TL;DR My girlfriend cheated on me twice and I am destroyed
15 comments
Ask her to meet him at a restaurant and you will wait at her house.
I mean, you don’t have any proof that they are sleeping together or going to hook up while he’s here to talk with her. So I wouldn’t jump to that conclusion and I would straight up ask her “are you planning to sleep with him? Because that would be cheating and is not ok with me”. However, your friends are probably right that you should have let her go when she DID cheat on you.
What are the odds that he knows anything about you?
Sort of ending the way it began. Sorry you’re going through this; being with some people is like drinking a little poison every day.
She cheated for a year and you took her back???? You gotta learn to respect yourself friend. This seems like it matters to you too much to deal with even 1/64 infidelity. So don’t!
Regardless if you thought she was in open relationship when she was with other guy, that should of been hint for you that you don’t want anything long term with her if you wouldn’t go for that in your relationships.
Also, if she did cheat first time, you taking her back basically made her think she can do anything and you’ll always take her back. That’s why really only option even if you still want her it to leave when she cheats.
Maybe months later y’all can try again but you gotta breakup always when someone cheats. Then give it good amount of time
You are naive and trusting. You are going to be hurt.
Bro- you got tire marks up and down your back from this girl.
Have some self respect dude, why are you putting up with this shit. I mean, I don’t doubt that you love her. But if she is telling you that she loves you, she is either lying or delusional.
Dump her, get rid of her. Find someone worthy of your respect and who will return it.
Don’t waste your time collecting red flags, they have no use 👍
Dude…run away and never talk to her again. She doesn’t love you
> She tells me today that same guy is going to be driving down to talk about their breakup, because she owes him that to tell him in person.
Yeah, he’s gonna drive 600 miles for this? Sorry, man, it stinks
Trust your gut my man, guarantee you it’s right.
Well, at this point if you continue your relationship with her, she has no reason not to keep sleeping with other guys because you let her.
>She said that after she talks to him, it will cement how she feels about me
This is a cheaters way of saying “I really want an excuse to cheat without you getting mad so see this as a way for me to figure out my feelings for you.”. 🙄.
Don’t fall for her bs. This is never going to stop and she’ll always cover it up as ” I need to figure out my feelings for you”. That’s crap. She’s known you for 10 years; she should know her feelings for you already.
Hello. I wish I could post anonymously but I wont because I don’t really have time or care to make another account. I don’t know your guys’ complete situation and please be careful with posting things like this on Reddit. Talk to people who know her if possible. I have had infidelity in my relationship. I was the one. He took me back. I realized how much I truly lived him. It was such a blessing that he took me back. I struggled for a very long time contemplating which guy I wanted to be with. A lot of people say “if you have to think about it, its not love.” Maybe. But a lot of people don’t have relationships that are as wonderful as the one that I am in, so I take that with a grain of salt. Suggest they meet in a public place. Maybe there is some closure needed; Or better yet give her an ultimatum. I think you should trust your gut, whatever that maybe. It’s hard to say if she will do it again, you just don’t know. Try not to make assumptions.
Stand up and walk away! PLEASE! You deserve to be happy with someone who loves you and whom you can trust.
You deserve better than this. You just gotta find the strength inside you to really believe that.