Hi there! So I’ve tried repeatedly breaking up with a guy. We saw each other for six months. The issue is I’m not good at putting my foot down in person. Without asking, he will just show up at my house a beg me to take him back. Because I actually like the guy, it’s super hard to not just say “okay we’ll try” even though I have no intention. He crossed multiple lines more than a couple times and I just don’t want that in my life. How do you get the guy to understand that you don’t want to see them anymore and actually listen to you without being mean. Right now apparently we are on a break just so he would stop begging me.
8 comments
Tell him it’s over.
Say no when he asks to be taken back.
If you can’t say no…idk move countries.
I had something like this happen to me. I ended up moving 200 miles away. This is NOT what I am suggesting you do at all, just shoeing some empathy
If youre not good at putting your foot down in person, you might find luck doing it over text. Im usually not a supporter of this, but being that youve told him multiple times, it seems one of the better ways now. Something like “(insert expressing your feelings here), so I would appreciate it if you please stop showing up at my house. I need my space, and I need you to understand and appreciate that.” Or something of the like.
Ok so first and foremost, you need to forget about “not being mean.” The time for being polite with this person has long passed. You don’t want to see this person anymore, and he has repeatedly crossed reasonable boundaries you have set. You are being very passive and he is exploiting that.
Text or message him that you don’t wish to be in a relationship with him any more. Tell him that your decision is firm and that he must respect it, and not to second guess you. Block him on your phone and social media.
Do not answer the door if/when he comes by your home. Instruct the people you live with not to answer the door to him.
If he persists, begin keeping a journal and record when he tries to make contact with you, and consider calling the police. Tell them about his history of unwanted contact and at the very least ensure they take a report so documentation is established.
Unfortunately you are in the same position I was in, more than once, when I was young. Each time I wanted to avoid confrontation as much as possible, which only dragged it out and caused it to come to a head in a way that endangered my life. Believe me, being firm and setting reasonable boundaries is much kinder to yourself and everyone else involved in the long run.
Block him on your phone and social media accounts. Don’t open the door if he comes by, and don’t talk to him except through the closed door to say you’re calling the police if he doesn’t leave.
Tell your brother/guy friends to pay him a visit. Im only half joking.
Honestly it is much kinder to just tell him straight up. This guy is being strung along because he probably isn’t reading the signs well because of how ambiguous you might be being due to trying to people please. You don’t have to be mean but just say i made up my mind
Keep the door locked and not open it. You have to stand up for yourself, this guy is a jerk. He keeps crossing lines becsuse he has no respect for you. He acts like he wants you but he actually doesn’t give a fuck what you want, he only cared about what he wants.
Honestly you call the police the next time he shows up. You can warn him that you will do so, but I would be worried he would react poorly
I had to get a restraining order against my ex boyfriend of 2 years. He was sending letters, emails, texting… he showed up at my work twice to try to talk to me and that was the last straw. He almost got away with this awful behavior becsuse he appealed to the judge, saying his love clouded his judgement, I told the judge that it was terrible he would face no consequences when literally ignoring my insistence for months that he leave me alone. He granted the restraining order.