I have been in a relationship now for 3 years. The first year an half were great. It’s now got to the point where my girlfriend shows me very little affection(which is what I want) and prefers to spend time with others than me.
She says she doesn’t want to go on dates because it costs too much money, but will happily go out with her friends several times a week.
She says I only ever ask questions that are irrelevant and forced e.g. ‘how are you’ and ‘what have you been upto today’
She says she doesn’t like to ask me how I am feeling because it is a forced question, even if I am sick or if I am having a rough day mentally.
She also says she only thinks in present tense so can’t think much of a future with me at this stage.
I have tried to fix my own issues that she has with me by trying not to ask typical questions, but it comes second nature to me.
I have spoke to her many times about this, and what my needs are. She doesn’t seem to understand and always says she is trying. I haven’t seen any improvement and it’s starting to make me feel worse.
I am not sure if I should carry on, as I am feeling down about it, or if I should just end it.
TLDR: My girlfriend is not giving everything I need/want which is causing me pain. Specifically emotion, communication and affection.
14 comments
>I have spoke to her many times about this, and what my needs are. She doesn’t seem to understand and always says she is trying. I haven’t seen any improvement and it’s starting to make me feel worse.
I am not sure if I should carry on, as I am feeling down about it, or if I should just end it.
End it. She is actively making you feel worse.
She doesn’t want to even be around you. She doesn’t like you anymore OP. I know that’s painful to hear, but it’s true.
It’s hard to hear, but it’s over man. Go find you someone who wants you for you, and doesn’t feel “forced” to ask you basic questions
Tell her you cheated on her, so that she can tell you how she really feels about you
Actions speak louder than words.
She’s clearly not putting any effort into your relationship.
Talking to your partner shouldn’t feel forced, be with someone who wants to talk to you and doesn’t need conversational prompts.
I hate platitudes about how you are feeling and don’t really do chitchat. But I am very tactile and live a hug.
You need something otherwise what you really have is a mate, but not a very good one as your mates woukd at least listen if you were having a hard time
Damn. I understand how this feels….. In a relationship in the same circumstances right now and I don’t know what to do either.
Have you asked about if her needs are being met?
It sounds like she’s just as frustrated with the relationship as you are. Perhaps the relationship has run it’s course but if you want to try to salvage it then sit her down and have an honest conversation, ask her what she needs and tell her what you need to make this work. At least then you’ll know if it stands a chance or if it’s time to move on.
OP, what is the financial situation? You split everything 50/50, does one make more and by how much? How are chores split? Just seeing if either is benefitting more than the other.
It sounds like she is not plugged in and does not care to. She asks no questions, because she does not seem to care. Won’t go out with you, is not affectionate. This sucks.
I am not sure if she just is just not cuddling/kissing or if there was no affection of any kind, so please answer: Are you having any sex? Was the sex ever good? If you stopped having sex, when? When you were doing it how often?
This is my most important question: what benefit are you getting out of this relationship currently? it seems like she meets exactly zero emotional needs, and maybe no physical ones, either.. Being treated like this, why are you staying? I only ask because I see no benefit for you for 18 months, help me understand what you see, why you stayed this long. I truly mean no disrespect in asking these questions. Could she be cheating? Hang in there.
Hey, my girlfriend (now ex) broke up with me last week. Showed lots of similar behaviors after she moved to a different city and had freedom away from her parents.
Her reason for breaking up with me was that I was holding her back and that she didn’t love me anymore. She never held herself accountable and didn’t communicate all of the problems she had with me until we broke up.
Maybe it’s the same thing. Leave before things get ugly because chances are she’ll toss you aside like my ex did with me and you’ll be in a world of hurt like I am. Break up and don’t look back.
Though I’m being a hypocrite because I’m writing love letters to her now to make her fall in love with me again even though she said she didn’t want to see me or talk to me ever again.
She was an innocent, bubbly, ditsy, sweet girl and turned extremely cold and bitter in a heartbeat after our breakup. Unlike any way she’s ever acted before.
Avoid the pain I’m feeling, break up, don’t look back.
End it now. Just hearing your side of the story, it sounds like she has already mentally checked out. The only reason she may not have broken up with you already, is that she does not want to appear to be the villain in this situation.
She’s not giving you what you need and is not showing any signs of changing. Get out!
I think the answer here is certainly to end it.
A lot of times people lack the courage to break up with someone when they want out of a relationship. They just become a REALLY bad partner, and hope you’ll actually pull the trigger for them.
Just out of curiosity, are you financially better off of the two of you?
Look up dissmissive-avoidant attachment.
Leave. She has checked out of the relationship and doesn’t see you in her future. And you seem miserable. There is nothing there for you. You are not free to be YOU. Just leave