I’m aware that infidelity is difficult to cope with, regardless of your partner’s character. However, I’m particularly curious about your experience and reaction when you found out you got cheated on by a “kind” and loving partner who didn’t show any signs of infidelity initially and treated you exceptionally well.
I used the term ‘kind’ because it raises the question of whether they can truly be considered kind if they engaged in infidelity.
Did it make it more difficult for you to let go knowing how loving they were?
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He wasn’t the kindest of all but I did believed that after everything we had both sacrificed it wouldn’t had crossed his mind. My reaction was extremely explosive since I knew everything he made me went through so it was the highest level of betrayal to me : I smashed a bottle on his head and stabbed him. He’s alive tho but yeah now he knows not to mess with me ever again. (Absolutely not asking for nobody’s opinions since basing yourself out of 0.0000000001% of something can’t build a constructive opinion of a matter)
But now with full honesty whether it’s him or someone else, I would leave on the spot and definitely wouldn’t have the same experience I had with him because I now know better than keeping on ignoring red flags and being with someone who doesn’t deserve me at all.
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I nearly killed myself. We got back together afterwards eventually and he never did understand how much that hurt me. There were other instances later on that fell more in the territory of blurred lines and emotional cheating and with each time I just got more angry and more numb until I broke it off.
I cannot express how much this can mess you up. Having good, healthy moments in your relationship intertwined with such betrayal. It’s like being poisoned. It ruined the whole idea of being in love for me. Because how can you even tell if the other person is being real or not?
It was earth-shattering…..My first serious relationship about 2 years after leaving my abusive baby daddy. I spent a lot of time in therapy really trying to heal and move on and I honestly felt like “omg….finally…..FINALLY…..I get to experience what it feels like to be treated well.” (😂😅🥲)
I didn’t find out until about a year in and I only found out bits and pieces at a time. It was honestly destabilizing to come to the realization that I had absolutely no idea who he was. And I was so desperate to believe his lies that it took me a shameful amount of time to finally end it. I think it was more difficult for me to get over than my abusive ex. I was able to see the abuse for what it was at the end and see how it was not something I could have prevented or changed in the relationship. But the cheating really stripped away myself confidence. I truly felt like it was my fault and that it was something that I was lacking. It took me a really long time to be able to understand that just because he appeared kind/caring didn’t mean that he was. People who actually capable of loving and caring for you won’t do those things to you….
Sexual and emotional exclusivity aren’t important to me, so I’ve responded with either indifference or relief. And one time with disdain because I knew he was lying – he was just trying to tell me he got around in order to protect his own ego. Sigh.
I think at that point it’s not considered genuine kindness but a manipulation tactic. You also begin to question every kind or caring thing they ever did. Did they mean it? Were they just trying to trick you to earn your trust?