Moved to a new city last year to pursue a career I no longer have interest in (photography – all my buddies from high school moved away and I finished my bachelor’s degree 90% online so didn’t do much there. I am not close with my family due to abuse. My job is 100% remote as well.
Met a handful of acquaintances through happy hours and my partner but none that stuck too consistently. No issue going out on my own to do things but it’s getting a bit dull and lonely. How do I expand my social circle more quickly? I do have a bit of anxiety but I’m pushing myself to go out more frequently. There’s several events in the area that are meant for new people in the city that are mostly happy hours, dinners, etc, but not sure how effective these are long term.
Things I do/plan to do soon:
-Currently starting up my own jewlery brand and vending several events this summer (current)
-concerts (edm, hardcore, and indie genres) (current)
-hiking/running (current)
-animal shelter volunteering (new)
-event production work (new)
-learning to ride a bike (new)
-sewing workshops (new)
-maybe taking up photography again (?)
Help?
1 comment
Hey, not an unusual situation at all! I think it helps to approach things with a strategy, one that works with your interests. First thing to note is meetups/happy hours/events are fine, but keep in mind they tend to be “one off” events. In other words, if you’re hoping to meet people at this type of activity, you have to develop a rapport immediately, and then plan to exchange contact information before parting ways. Otherwise you never see the person again. So that means being a little more forward than you normally would be, maybe dropping a bit more info about yourself than you’re comfortable with, and asking the person enough questions to at least get a feel for “do I want to get to know this person better?” Not the easiest thing to do in the world, but not totally impossible either.
The other way is to pick several types of situations where you can get to know people over a more extended period of time, say weeks, and you get to see them regularly and have regular conversations. This will give you a better idea of how well you might mesh, are you enjoying the conversations, etc. And then after striking up these regular conversations and developing a rapport, you can THEN invite the person to do something with you outside the place where you know them from. (Key to initiating any friendship.)
Of the things you mentioned, the ones that sound like they have the most potential might be joining either an outdoors club or a running club. (hiking would be a good opportunity for extended conversations with a bigger variety of people) The animal shelter thing sounds GREAT — hopefully there are some younger volunteers, and maybe you can chat up the people coming in for a pet adoption. Event production sounds group oriented. Maybe take a ‘spin class’ at a gym for the bike/exercise thing.
No matter which one you pursue (hopefully more than one), it’s helpful to go in with an attitude I call PIE: Positivity, Interest in others and Enthusiasm. With enthusiasm being a more rare trait, but super helpful when it comes to establishing friendships.
Good luck!