i feel this piercing loneliness. i feel like i will never belong. i was never meant to belong. i dont know if it’s that i grow apart from everyone or that everyone grows apart from me, but nothing ever lasts. it feels like i was not meant to be born.
those closest to me are miles away, we don’t talk as much as I’d like. maybe it’s normal, but it feels so empty, like something’s missing.
maybe it’s because i used to be in a big friend group or that i used to be in a relationship. we used to talk almost every hour of the day.
I don’t know how to belong anymore. the times i do spend with others, i find i am just hovering around everyone. i’m not a part of the moment, i’m just simply there for some reason.
I don’t know how to talk to people sometimes, i really don’t. i stay quiet sometimes and when i’m not quiet, i’m blurting out the first thing off my head and regretting it when the “high” wears off.
what do i do? how do i feel whole? i feel so out of place everywhere, like no one wants me. and now i don’t even know what i want anymore. i really don’t know what to do. everyone’s lives are so different from mine. it’s like theyre all in a whole different world.
2 comments
I feel you heavily on this. My life kind of sucks too and this dee loneliness is what I feel daily and I feel like I’m trapped in it and I’m drowning in quick sand like I can’t escape. I have friends and shit but it’s hard because I think I hate myself so much that being alone sucks all the time.
Also, I think you might have depression like I do, its hard to work on it because I feel so isolated. I don’t want to diagnose but it might be good to get therapy.
Btw, I’m a 19F and I hope I can help you be a little less lonely. If you want, we can chat!
I say this in the most loving way possible; are you able to access therapy? I have bipolar II and BPD and have struggled socially my entire life. A combination of therapy and medication has helped me so, so much. I really recommend therapy to everyone, especially with therapists who are trained in specific methods like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Dialectical Behavioral Therapy, and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. These three therapies have helped me more than anything, and without them the efficacy of the meds, I believe, would be limited.
If you are interested, “shopping” for a therapist who is trained in these therapies would be my biggest and most immediate piece of advice.
I am no stranger to that feeling of yawning, hollow, endless emptiness, of feeling like an alien/human understudy who is always looking at other people through a frosty window. As lonely as it is to feel this way, you’re not alone in feeling that way, and you’re not weird or broken for having that experience. <3