Hi reddit.. So a little back ground is I have been with this guy for 11 years. This year instead of getting me a gift for our anniversary he says he wants a “break” from the relationship to find himself. I agree and it lasts about a week. During this week though I am going through the abortion process because I obviously do not want another child with him. He comes back to live with me but still says he doesn’t want us official. I ask if he is sleeping with other people he tells me no. I then find myself smelling a bit funny down stairs so I schedule a pap. Turns out I had an infection and had to be on antibiotics for 7 days. I confronted him and he came out saying yes he was sleeping with other people without protection while sleeping with me as well. I told him he disrespected my health and told him to leave. He moves out for about a week then calls me to come pick him up from his work. I do just to have him beg me to let him come back to me. I will save the details but I feel he really manipulated me into thinking he wanted me back. I found out just days after him being back he is talking to a Co worker that he slept with and stayed with when I kicked him out. I am very uncomfortable with this and tell him to either stop talking to her or leave. He says he can’t lose me again and he will stop. A couple weeks go by and he tells me he can’t stop. That he needs her in his life. I tell him that he needs to leave since he is choosing her. Thus he does. Immediately going to her without even saying goodbye to our daughter. Yesterday, he is signing my daughter over to me fully and he pops off with saying something about “We don’t know what the future holds. I plan to be with you again some day.” Also that “I bet a lot of couples go through this situation.” I told him I will not be giving him another chance at having me which he just replies with “only time will tell.” Is this true? He is my first serious relationship that I have been in so I have nothing to compare to. This behavior from him is totally new and I even suggested that I think he is being manipulated by this co worker that is over twice his age. He has server mommy issues that have been really coming to light since we have had out first daughter, however I have some childhood trauma coming out too. So I get we were both in a rough patch but I am having my first therapy appointment later this month to really get into healing myself as a person to be a good mom. He said he wanted to do therapy but then he leaves again for the second time now.
I guess to summarize I just want to know if he is telling the truth on this situation we are in is common?
Edit:Thank you everyone for your engagement. I have chopped this heartbreak to a very hard but very well lesson learned on my part. I will be focusing on what really matters now which is me and my daughter. I have a job interview this Tuesday where I can bring my daughter to work with me as well. I am claiming any good engery to get this job and finally be free from underneath him.
8 comments
So what if it is “common”? If it’s not the way you want to be treated then it’s not ok. You both seem very naive and inexperienced. Sounds like it’s for the best you both try to move on.
Common, uncommon, *what the fuck does it matter?* That’s an irrelevant point and you’re fixating on that as intended. It’s that classic take no responsibility for bullshit behavior by making out everyone does it. Besides, signing the daughter over to you fully? Can it really work just like that? Look into child support options where you are, because he’s clearly trying to avoid that. If he thinks he can so blithely nope out on eleven years without so much as arranging matters like co-parenting then it will be necessary to rake him over the coals.
Toxic can still be common, but it doesn’t make it right! Dont let him back in for both you and your daughter’s sake. It is beyond messed up, and I am happy you had the good sense to break up with him.
He’s not being manipulated by his co-worker. He is trying to manipulate you.
Unfortunately, it probably is far too common that people allow their partners to treat them badly, but that doesn’t mean you have to.
This guy is trash. You don’t have to let trash treat you badly. You can just throw it away.
This isn’t normal. He’s been having mummy issues since your daughter was born? Sounds like he had to grow up and he’s refusing. He’s being selfish and he’s very confident that you will keep saving him from his own dumb ass behaviour.
He’s cheated on you, he’s made you sick. He’s got no respect for you and is walking away from you and your shared daughter to have sex with someone else. No this isn’t normal. It’s manipulative and cruel.
Find someone who treats you like it’s not a damn task to love you.
Okay, first of all, a relationship that started when you were 13 is not one that’s likely to last a lifetime.
Second, he signed over his rights to your kid. Cool. Now you have no ties to this dude and can get on with your life. Get a new job, move, go back to school, whatever works for you and your daughter. You have the chance to start over. Take it.
Third, let him work out his mommy issues with his new middle aged girlfriend. 🤢 As a middle aged woman myself, I find that revolting, but at least you won’t have to worry about her diseases spreading to you anymore.
Fourth, it doesn’t really matter if your relationship is common or not. That’s not something most people would be concerned with. I think you’re focusing on that so you don’t have to deal with the real issues.
Your ex has done you a massive favor by leaving. Block him everywhere. Move if you can so he can’t pop by any time he feels like screwing up your life again.
Go to your therapy appointment. Heal. Live your best life and be happy with your little girl. Show her how strong a mom can be.
Bluntly, you need better running shoes, you’re not running fast enough. I stopped reading deeply at “he slept around and gave me a STI”…
NOTHING else matters after that…
Get child support. You won’t ever hear from him again unless it’s for something that he needs.