This might be stupid but I’m not mega sexperienced so please bear with me.
This is honestly becoming a problem, with me getting soft because I worry that I’m being selfish and she’s not getting much out of it. I’ve heard way too many stories of guys just pumping away with no regard for their partners pleasure and have a strong impulse to do everything I can to not be that guy.
The only times I’ve truly enjoyed penetrative sex was after thoroughly getting my partner off with hands and mouth first, but this being a necessary pre-req is definitely not healthy. I mean, it kinda puts the pressure to orgasm on my partner. And sometimes it takes long enough I’m super tired myself and not really up for penetration.
Any words of wisdom? Apart from going to therapy that is.
41 comments
Even if a particular woman isn’t able to orgasm from PIV, it doesn’t mean it isn’t pleasurable. It sounds like you are an aware and interested partner who wants to do your best to make give a woman pleasure, which is great. So keep doing that but also ask your partners what they like. You should not feel selfish/guilty about having penetrative sex anyway.
Sex doesn’t have the be about orgasms! I’ve had plenty of sex that I enjoyed even though I didn’t climax. I suggest shifting your focus from orgasms to just having fun and making your partner feel good.
So, I can cum from penetration, but it took me several years to learn how to do that because clitgasms are the default. However, I always absolutely loved penetration even when I couldn’t cum from it. To give a comparison, I have never orgasmed from eating chocolate. However, eating it still gives me mouthwatering pleasure, I still love and crave it, and would still v much lose something if I couldn’t have it anymore.
Most men who engage in prostate play don’t orgasm from that exclusively and need some penis interaction to get over the edge. However, they still get loads of enjoyment from it.
Edit to add that clit stimulation combined with internal penetration can sometimes feel even better than clit stimulation alone, so it’s very worth doing.
Further edit to add that you should look up the a-spot and p-spot (anterior fornix and posterior fornix) as these can be huge sources of pleasure from penetration in some women… including me
It’s not because some of us don’t come from piv that we don’t enjoy it ! Quite the contrary personally. Plus there are many other ways to make us come…
I have a vibrator I use on their clit during PIV. Caused some crazy orgasms and lots of squirting. Please try it.
I’m lucky to be in a relationship where we have figured out different ways to get off. Sometimes she comes during PIV but it’s not the norm.
But regardless she can tell me that she wants me to do it just because it feels nice and she loves the idea of me coming in her and it makes her horny.
Benefit being that it’s the sum of the total and we trust each other to take care of each other eventually. Maybe even day after tomorrow not necessarily tonight.
So I dunno easy to say but explore and equalise different kinds of sex so it’s not all about the one thing. :shrug:
My wife has never orgasemed from sex. When I was young in the pre internet world, that used to bother me. Until I learned most women can’t cum that way. I take care of her and she has always been content.
It really boils down to communication!
So i dont orgasm from penetrative sex but i do from clitoral stimulation. But my husband enjoys penetrative sex.
So he usually finishes me off first and then we do penetrative sex. Win win.
Make sure she gets hers first (not always possible for all women).
Make sure she gets hers right after (I would say this is probably most common).
If she is one of the few women who can orgasm from penetration find out what position and tempo works best for her and try to get off at the same time. I know its not always possible but there’s just something special about climaxing at the same time.
It is not only about the orgasms but about all the pleasure we feel from PIV.
I can’t come from PIV but good penetrative sex feels like the moment just before orgasm every time it goes inside. That moment is actually the best of orgasming. So. Don’t be worried. It can still feel really good.
I can have good piv without orgasm and a orgasm doesn’t say anything about the quality the sex had
I can’t orgasm from penetration but it’s still very pleasurable and enjoyable. It’s not like it’s a chore or anything. I love penetration.
A good comparison for me: I love massages, but I’ve never once orgasmed from someone massaging my shoulders. That doesn’t mean I don’t want them to over give me a massage again!
Just because she doesn’t orgasm from PIV, doesn’t mean it’s not enjoyable. When I am with my partner and very turned on, it’s almost like this primal need of having to have it inside me. There is nothing quite like that feeling of being filled up. I’m sure most women would agree, it is very satisfying and a huge turn on, even if you have to finish off with clitoral stimulation during or after.
You’re right that a lot of women can’t from penetration alone, but it is enjoyable still, you could encourage your partners to touch themselves externally while you’re doing the deed and they will definitely enjoy themselves and it’s a bonus visual for you!
OP it’s a dance
It involves the serenade
The foreplay
The intimacy
The touch
The body language
The woman being emotionally invested
The build up
Then more foreplay
The teasing
Then maybe PIV
Tldr; don’t just whip your cock out and start going for it
If you don’t have an orgasm, does that mean none of the sex felt good for you or was fun and enjoyable?
Same for women. Just check in at the beginning and tell her it’s important to you that things feel good and to let you know if she wants to stop at any point. Then trust her. There’s so many fantastic and beautiful and enjoyable things about sex that have nothing to do with the orgasm, and while I don’t come from penetration, I still love it.
I’ve always strived to make sure a woman cums. From my hands or mouth usually. But they still enjoy PIV because it can feel really good for them. During that I encourage them to use toys and get off again. It’s not my favorite but if she’s having 2 or 3 orgasms I’m pretty happy. So I do/encourage the things that help her get there.
My wife rarely orgasms from penetration only but it’s still her favorite part of sex, she says it’s what she thinks of most.
I can’t come from penetration or oral, but that doesn’t stop me from literally craving it! Just because something doesn’t directly lead to orgasm, doesn’t mean it’s bad or worthless. I love getting kissed under my ear and scratched and kissed and spanked, none of which directly cause orgasm. Sex is about pleasure and intimacy, not purely orgasms. If people solely wanted an orgasm, they would just masturbate because it’s easier and faster. Reframe how you view sex.
As long as you have some rapport with the other person, it’s pretty normal during sex to find some way to do it that includes clit stim so she can come. If you’re good with your fingers, or she’s not hard to get off, just lean back and rub that clit with your hands! If that’s awkward or unsuccessful, use a vibrator. She can even hold it to make sure it’s hitting just right.
A woman coming on a vibrator while you fuck her is super hot and feels amazing, strongly recommend trying this if you’ve never had it.
I mean, therapy is actually the answer. This has little to do with sex and a lot to do with a psychological dilemma. You actually aren’t worried about your partners pleasure otherwise you would be paying attention to your partner and communicating with them about what they like and how they feel. What you are doing instead is sitting there worried about them liking you. This is about your own self worth.
I live to be penetrated and cum easily from it. Not all women struggle to orgasm. My clit be swelling up all day and night and I can fuck and cum in well under a minute if I’m in the mood. My favourite way ever in the world to cum is with a dick in me. Don’t feel bad, it’s natural and beautiful. Find yourself a woman who worships your dick and begs you to put it in. You won’t be sorry.
My wife loves to get fucked but yeah she doesnt come from just piv. She loves to come while Im inside her. She can easily cum from cowgirl rubbing her clit on me. In doggy(which she requests) she supplements by using her fingers.
I think you need to change your perspective a bit, women usually like the other stuff that doesnt make them cum. The foreplay the massages, etc. Men are usually a lot more focused on the orgasm than women.
So just because something doesnt lead to an orgasm directly it can still be very enjoyable.
Don’t rush it. Do TONS of foreplay. Massage her & grind on her butt for a while. Work on emotional connectionfl first
I rarely have PiV with my partner, because she absolutely loves my oral and manual attentions, and keeps asking for more and more until she is pleasurably exhausted. Afterwards, and outside the bedroom, she has often said she feels bad that I didn’t “get mine,” and says she’d like it if I “had fun” too, including BJ (she says she likes my cock in her mouth??) and PiV… However, it seems that the least little thing I do sets off an escalation of arousal for her. One thing leads to another, and she ends up panting, semi-conscious, and smiling. I don’t mind the whole situation at all. I’m very happy to help her feel good. I just wish she could just not worry about me and enjoy.
Oral is my go too then piv always did the woman’s an myself justice honestly gets me off when get then there so much more rewarding
From what different women tell me, it’s like scratching an itch. It feels really good and filling, even if they don’t get off from it. Women get off differently than us man. It’s much more mental and a build up.
I myself don’t cum from just penetration. But with my fiance, I have found a position where I would orgasm. It use to be without a vibrator or any help but here lately I need one. I am on top with my legs open as far as I they go. I press my pubic area down on his as I’m rocking back and forth. The orgasms are intense and it works for him too. Takes some practice but works. Also helps to play with the nipples too.
Edit to clarify. I CAN cum from it but orgasms have to have help.
Some girls do cum from penetration. Try having a conversation beforehand to figure out what she likes. You might be surprised.
First off you’re not having sex with “most women”, just the one. And what she enjoys might or might not reflect what “most women” enjoy.
The best thing to do to completely go around this guilt is to ask your partner what they enjoy in bed, and then take notes.
Just rub the clit and you’ll be fine
Pay attention to the clit at all times, fuck and rub at the same time, you can still get the job done 👍🏼👍🏼👍🏼
Always make sure she cums before you even penetrate her. Use your hands or mouth, you can even rub her clit with your cock. But make her cum first, then the intercourse is just gravy.
I’ve always heard that same thing about girls not getting off from PIV. But most of not all my past lovers have been very adamant about wanting the PIV over anything else and get satisfied from it too. I’m mean I’m a big foreplay guy too but the PIV always seems to do the trick.
It’s sad that men feel shame over something like this.
Here’s a little newsflash. It’s entirely possible for you,or her,to stimulate her clit during PIV sex.
I have had woman who find it impossible to orgasm from intercourse without helping themselves and woman who come within minutes. Just seems to vary.
Get a wand. Vibe rhe clit while piv. She cums, you cum. Everyone has a good time. Win, win, win.
>As a guy I feel selfish/guilty most times when having penetrative sex because of knowing most women don’t really come off penetration. And it kills the mood for me. Any words of wisdom?
Have you asked your partners how they feel about PIV?
Generally the response I’ve received is something along the lines of “that doesn’t get me off, but it feels really good and makes me feel closer to you.”
You need to understand first of all, all women are different
Some get great pleasure and can even cum from penetration alone. For some they need the right size. Or duration, or motion. Look up coital alignment technique.
Some can cum from penetration if you add clit stimulation during. Fingering or a vibrator. Some can cum from cowgirl best. Or doggy.
Some will never cum from penetration (me!) but they still love it. It feels good AND is so arousing to be so close to my partner, skin touching, bodies pressed together, AND to know he’s feeling so good because of me. To hear his moans, see his pleasure and orgasm face. Hear his praise (you feel so good)
Talk to your partners. Actually listen and believe them. Plenty of women want and crave PIV. But we want it with the right kind of person. A man who does it how we need and like. Explore different positions and different movements and speeds. Not all like jackhammering, but some love it. Not all like slow, but some love it. Some want a two pump chump and some want a marathon man.
Try to find a woman who likes the kind of sex you like. Not everyone is sexually compatible and that’s ok too.
I orgasm almost exclusively from PIV sex and I am super multiorgasmic. We exist.