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You’re too emotionally invested before you ask.
Because it’s something you care about
In the wise words of the Trap God Gucci Mane, “ Girls are like buses 🚌. Miss one next 15 ones coming.”
You think it matters
You’re putting too much of your own value on some stranger’s opinions
You are assuming that the rejection is because there’s something wrong with you when the reality is that it’s far more likely that you’re just not this one person’s type.
It is perfectly healthy and normal to feel hurt and let down from rejection. Rejection by default is painful. Emotionally healthy and mature human beings allow themselves to feel negative emotions.
What isn’t healthy is to dwell on it, set up camp in a dark place, and allow it to make you bitter and resentful. Feel sad and disappointed for a short period of time, move on, and put yourself back out there.
Because it’s a constant reminder that I am not and will never be good enough.
Allow yourself to feel disappointed. Say it out loud. Breathe through it. The feelings will suck, but they will pass. Try not to engage in negative self talk. Use it as an opportunity to strengthen your tolerance for pain. It is so easy to think if I was…… she/he would have liked me. People have all different reasons why the do or don’t want a relationship that may have little to do with you personally. Unfortunately it’s just life. Engage in self care. Do something nice for yourself. You got this! Don’t get obsessed and if you do, try and figure out what this rejection is triggering in you. Maybe go to short term counseling to get through it.
i read somewhere that the parts of the brain that register ‘rejection’ are the same at those which register physical pain.
Well a more in depth answer is that rejection tricks your brain into thinking you’ll never procreate. In caveman times you might have just a few girls to make babies with so if you mess it up with them your genetic legacy ends with you. Even though today there is plenty of women your brain hasn’t adapted to that so it’s still getting that primal fear of rejection by a woman. It’s possible to train this out of your self as me and many other men have done but it takes personal growth and stoicism. That being said as a side note by some of your replies here, you really need to work on yourself and build some confidence.
Hey man so it’s okay to feel hurt, I get it. Based on your reactions to people’s comments it looks like you’re taking this really hard. It’s okay to feel hurt, but don’t let it bring you down. Don’t attach your self worth to the rejection. I’m sure you’re doing fine, you’re great, she’s just not interested and it could be a million and one reasons why.
Don’t stress man, and don’t let internet comments bring you down. Just chill out. Acknowledge that you’re hurt but don’t let it bring you down so badly!
I can just talk for myself, but maybe it applies to you as well.
I am someone that can’t just randomly ask women out on the street. I have male friends that have no issue with it.
For me, I need to get to know the person first in a neutral activity. Most of the times I don’t know I am interested in a woman. You just meet one at your holidays, spend a day together or with a group and you start to think that actually she is quite sympathetic and it is worth it to ask her out.
If she rejects you, and it doesn’t matter if in a friendly or unfriendly way, it hurts more than a cold approach, as you know her a bit better and it means something to you.
Furthermore, it doesn’t happen often that I find a woman interesting enough to consider asking her out. So it happens very rarely and thus makes it even worse because you know that the next possibility will take some time.
I don’t know what the solution would be here. I can’t just ask out random women I don’t know beforehand, but it is hard not being invested emotionally when you especially need the emotional and not physical connection to ask someone out.
Like on dating apps, it doesn’t bother at all if someone is ghosting you, doesn’t reply etc. You don’t know the person.
Also, it has something to do that most men seeking for. A simple “I am enough”. And if you get rejected, you are not enough.
Have you tried micro dosing rejection?
How do you not know how to spell “does”?
Most people are saying that you’re too emotionally invested, you care too much, etc. and that stuff used to stress me out to no end because it never really gave me an idea of what I *should* do, just told me not to feel a certain way that I already felt.
The truth is that you learn with time. Some days are just going to suck, but you have to keep going and over time you learn how to deal with rejection and be more confident in yourself. I’m not one for books or instruction manuals, but this book was extremely useful in viewing my dating life from a better perspective:
[https://www.scribd.com/book/193978384/Models-Attract-Women-Through-Honesty](https://www.scribd.com/book/193978384/Models-Attract-Women-Through-Honesty)
It’s free with a 30-day trial. I don’t like recommending people pay for stuff that may or may not work for them, so here’s a place where you can check it out for free (and legally).
It hurts for women as well. It goes both ways.
It hurts for women as well. It goes both ways. It’s a two-way street.
Many variables:
1. Not all women’s rejections are painful; some are relief. Depends on the woman rejecting you.
2. Manner of rejection plays a part. It can be rude, calm, professional, or just plain silence or avoidance.
3. This one depends on yourself and the major one. How you deal with rejection will drive you to your reaction, interpretation, and the actions done post rejection.
Rejection is a not the end of all; it is a start of a new adventure! It’s a fair game actually: you can have your types and they can have theirs. Continue improving yourself as well because the first person that should accept you is YOU.
Unpopular opinion, but the more rejections you get, the more you get used to it.
It’s like getting rejected from a job you wanted; you don’t stop because they didn’t want you, you keep improving your skills and resumé so you can land the next job you apply for. Same with women; you work on your resumé (yourself) be it your game, finances, humor, appearance, etc.
Now the only difference between getting rejected from a job & rejection from women is the fact that (not all) some women will put you on blast for trying to talk/approach them.
You shouldn’t feel pain for rejection. She did you a favor on to the next brother. It’s part of the game.
Physiologically? You become chemically addicted to your partner. You get dopamine doses when forming a bond with someone. When that stops, you go through withdrawal. Withdrawal from dopamine addiction triggers the same pathways in the brain as physical pain. That’s why some people are willing to steal or harm others in order to get the next hit of their drug of choice. In this case, your drug of choice was a woman. Your pain a perfectly natural response. Rejoice, the pain you feel is proof that you’re a functioning human with a heart and soul. It’s proof you tried. These sour times will make the good ones taste even sweeter. And the good times will come, brother. They’ll come.
Men are under the misconception that a rejection means that he is inadequate when compared to his peers. Meaning that he has less to offer physically, financially, and/or mentally. In some cases that is true. But really a man can get rejected for numerous reasons. Perhaps the woman has a on-and-off bf in the background, or she is going through something at home, or one of her peers discouraged her from dating, or she’s more interested in chicks, or maybe she has enough men in her life already… The list could go on and on…
At the end of the day there are plenty women out there. With some leverage and determination every man can get *atleast* one even if for a short time.
You may not be that person’s type, but when the people who are your type keep rejecting you, you really start to think there’s something wrong.
Why?
Because we as men have seen guys who seem to get laid and in relationships EASILY.
We tend to wanna be like these men.
Anyone asking that question needs a healthy dose of rejection themselves
Biologically, your body can’t distinguish the difference between a physical threat and a social threat. Your brain just says “threat” and your nervous system gives “threat response.”
There’s a book called “Loneliness” by John Cacioppo that goes into more of this. Highly recommended. I do recommend turning on your Critical Thinking brain; there is a bit of gender essentialism in there. But there are some highly useful insights in there.
Rejection hurts, because we put too much expectation on something we don’t even have.
It’s hope turned sour, yet nothing was lost, only a little bit of time, and you can afford that.
But you should really work on developing your self-esteem, buddy. When we need someone else to make us happy, that’s called co-dependency, and that puts a lot of strain on them that they shouldn’t have to deal with.
If you don’t love yourself, figure out why, try something new, and work on it. You’ll be a better partner if you do.
One reason is because you’ve started to create an image of togetherness … planning a future in our imaginations, the what could be’s … rejection ends that fantasy. It leaves the door closed in the could-be’s and in the moment we’re left with a sense of loneliness and feel unloveable. These are momentary pains.
Because we have 95% less options than women do. Our single periods are way longer than what they go through. Rejection for us is stupidly terrifying because it means we missed a chance to break our isolation. It could be months, years or never that we get another opportunity. Every inch of rejection is just a little bit closer to dying alone.
It hurts because our wiring is still from primitive times. Imagine being in a cave-dwelling tribe of 30 people or w/e and you get rejected. That’s it. You’re done and you’ll never have kids. It’s a huge deal, which is why it *feels* like a huge deal to you.
But the secret is that we are not in that situation anymore. If you get rejected now then there are no consequences at all. Our brain wiring hasn’t caught up to that fact yet.
If you really want to get past it you can desensitise yourself to it by like going clubbing and trying to get rejected as much as possible. By the end you won’t care at all and you may notice women finding you *more* attractive as a result
Because, men have more invested in the relationship than women. The investment into the relationship causes it to hurt so much. It’s a much bigger deal to men. All women have to do is say yes or no.
It doesn’t hurt everyone. I’m someone who doesn’t usually go on expectation and thus I’m not disappointed for the most part.
If I’m rejected then I am happy I didn’t waste my time pursing a relationship that would have failed. Look at it from that perspective and you should get over the pain pretty quickly.
Are you the type to lean emotionally into only the woman you’re dating? It’s a thing men do.
I need more context about you to avoid going on a long tangent of possibly this possibly that.
It hurts because the stakes are high.
What are you looking for when you ask a woman out, long-term? A life partner. The mother of your children. Someone to grow old and die with. Companionship for, best case, the rest of your life.
Even if you don’t voice those thoughts, they’re driving the process (the fundamental process of life). That’s why it hurts.
Low self esteem
We’ve been conditioned to having our needs catered to especially from women, so when they aren’t, it feels like an attack.
It’s an evolutinarry thing. Imagine a caveman named Grog who was part of a tribe. In the tribe, Grog noticed a girl named Unga and developed feelings for her. He mustered up the courage to express his interest and ask Unga to be his mate. However, Unga rejected him and showed no interest in being with him.
In this situation, Grog might have felt a deep sense of disappointment and sadness. From an evolutionary perspective, his brain might interpret this rejection as a threat to his chances of passing on his genes and continuing his lineage. In the caveman’s world, finding a mate was crucial for survival and ensuring the survival of future generations.
If Grog was rejected by Unga, he might not have another chance to find a mate within the tribe. Being alone in the wild without a partner would mean he would have to face the challenges of hunting, gathering, and protection entirely on his own. It would be much harder for him to survive and thrive without the support and companionship of a mate.
Therefore, the rejection from a girl, like Unga, could trigger a deep-seated fear of being isolated and potentially not being able to pass on one’s genes, similar to the fear a caveman might have felt when rejected from the tribe.