I (27F) am 6 foot tall and plus size. I make this very clear on all dating profiles – pictures, I clearly state it in my bio and I usually mention it before meeting in person. I think I have a lot of great qualities and I have not had any problems meeting people necessarily. I keep meeting really great people, connecting with them A LOT and pretty deeply, but then after awhile it slows down and I’m drug along or I’m ghosted 🤷♀️ maybe it’s my past insecurities but I keep making these connections and they don’t go anywhere. I can’t help but question if it’s because I’m tall and plus sized cause everything else flows when I’ve met these people. Maybe it’s not that and they just like other people better.. either way I wish people would be more honest. So disheartening to keep putting all my effort and feelings into new connections and this happens. 😅
33 comments
If it makes you feel better that stuff happens to not-plus-size daters too. This game is horrible. Some of your partners may eventually be turned off by your size, but I suspect a lot of it is just that people suck.
Dm me i have some advice
Coming from a male i have some advice as if i were interested in u
Holy shit this reminds me of my friend- same exact issue she had and literally her, but like my age. Not much of a solution, but she ended up finding a boyfriend irl in a basketball game of all places
From what you’re saying, sounds like you’re a pretty awesome person! Just sounds like it has to do with the people that you’ve dated. You’ll find the right person, just you watch awesome human being! ☺️👍🏼
I am also 6′ and very plus sized, and I find that on dating apps, people are very polar about that: either they never respond (or they throw a few insults your way, which is always charming) OR they go wayyyy too hard in a kind of fetishizing way. I think this is the case for anyone whose body falls outside the norm in any way. It sucks.
I would say dating apps make this much worse, because they’re based on appearance. If you have the option, delete the apps and put your energy into meeting people in real life. That’s been far more successful for me. People already know what you look like when you meet in person first, so it takes that out of the equation.
I think it’s the dating culture these days. Not you. It sucks.
Honestly, the truth is it might be the plus sized and tall thing.
If I’m brutally honest. My friends used to tell me to be open to anyone and look at personality.
So as long as they had a cute face I was game.
The dates would go amazing.
But, after I’d kind of flip flop on interest.
It honestly had to do with them being too tall or bigger than my preference. I would text and flirt but never commit to the second date… often cancelling last minute.
Went on the dates thinking I’d be able to get past it. Was lying to myself.
You really have to be into it or I find it can prevent next steps.
You may find guys like that.
Initially… game but decide against it after.
Also, having struggled with obesity… I was scared they’d make me fat again due to couples eating habits often rubbing off on each other.
I reckon it’s just statistics. Most OLD dates end nowhere. Otherwise there would be a lot less single people.
I’m not saying this to be rude, I’m plus size myself, but I feel as plus size women our options are limited. I’m currently on a weightloss journey to open my dating options.
Quite frankly, I’m tired of dating lousy men. Yes, thinner women get lousy men too but they have more options.
Besides, I’m attracted to men who take care of their bodies, so I should be doing the same for myself.
Again I’m not saying this to hurt you but to maybe see this in a different light.
Honestly I think it’s just a dating app and generation thing. Im 5’0” and 115 pounds and I get a slow fade or ghosted alot, even if they’re like 30+ years old. Lmao it does not matter anymore, alot of people just don’t want to be in relationships.
The only thing that might help is only going on dates and entertaining ppl who’ve discussed being attracted to plus size women and/or have had long term relationships with them . It’ may be an awkward convo to initiate but it might be better than being strung along
It’s not just you and not necessarily about your looks or size. I’m not plus size and I kept having the same thing happen too. Like someone else said it seems to be the dating culture these days. I know it’s easier said then done but remind yourself it’s not about you and shrug it off and move on
It’s not plus size it’s obese. Own it, make changes, move on. That’s the problem
It is more to do with the insecurities of the guys you have been meeting. Try moving the age range to men 35 plus…
Do you use dating apps? If so, keep something in mind.
You do not see most men’s profiles. You are typically only shown the profiles of men that get frequent right swipes and matches. This is a tiny fraction of the total user base – a typical man gets one match per month or less. This means you are in competition over a small subset of men who have many options, and men typically do not behave well if many options are presented to them.
It is significantly better to seek out men without the algorithmic filters. Find some men and start talking to them – they will not know you are hitting on them, so don’t feel bad if you just walk away from most of them. But go find them out in the wild – most of them are single.
Yeah I’m 5’6 and 130…so you can be reassured that it’s not your size and I’m sure it’s not your personality either! People just suck :((( it’s so disheartening, still hoping for the light for us 96/95 babies bc man oh man
This is actually the one instance where I feel like it’s probably not related to your looks/features. The whole making a deep connection followed by things slowing all the way down happens to LITERALLY everyone, including conventionally attractive people.
Dating apps can suck in general.
And on top of that, we tall women don’t have it easy in general (I am basically the same height as you, so I know everything about that part) and plus size limits it even more. Dating pools can be annoyingly small if you aren’t standard looking, even though your personality can be amazing.
Tbh if you’re very plus sized you’ll be ignored by most guys and the ones who like you will probably be into feeding in some way. That’s maybe not fair but the harsh truth. Either lose weight or embrace the whole feeder subculture.
depends what you mean by plus sized. obese to morbidly obese or a bit overweight?
weight makes a massive difference when trying to date, that’s just the reality of it for both genders.
Why is it so hard for ppl to just be honest and say, hey im not or no longer interested in persuing anything romantically with you, iso slowly diappearing or ghosting.
Its so cowardly.. it can be a text ffs.
The few times someone has been upfront about it were actually really positive experiences for me. Then atleast you know and its more respectfull i think.
Having dated someone plus size and tall, for me, as long as you’re honest about your size in your pictures (no deceptive angles), it’s fine. Part of me prefers taller women and plus size, it just depends on everyone’s definition of plus size of course.
I think its just how dating is nowadays which sucks. Dating apps are the worst unless you are only talking to one person, otherwise it feels like the attention is split so many different ways. It’s so easy to just keep swiping and finding someone else, least that’s what I imagine other people thing. I try to keep my attention with only one person on apps.
If you’re the only one making a connection, that’s your answer.
People do suck. I wish I was better at this myself. What I want to do is learn more about body language and how to interpret the situation. That way you can weed out the disinterested people and move on to the people that might be more interested. And I also agree with somebody that mentioned online dating earlier sucks. I agree I’ve had much better luck meeting someone in the field for one they will already know if they’re attracted to you and if you’re an interesting person that they want to meet. Good luck.
You probably know the answer to your situation more than anyone anonymous online. Generally speaking, yes weight for women is basically the equivalent for money/height for guys. It’s sucks but it is the norm unfortunately.
height doesn’t matter, a lot of guys like tall girls.
Fat girls are generally considered “easier” for hookups, and the guys usually feel ashamed afterwards because they’re not attracted to you but had sex with you anyways since they didn’t have any better options, and so they distance themselves from you.
Women and white knights feel free to downvote me, but any fuckboi/person who has had a fuckboi phase will know what I’m saying
A lot of guys simply don’t have the social courage to be completely honest. Especially if they’ve had a situation where they were honest and the girls hurt and made them feel guilty about it.
Then there’s also the fact that there’s a lot of guys with fragile egos who don’t necessarily love the idea of a woman that is their height or taller than them. Which is unfortunate because it’s going to require that you do a lot of reconnaissance before you determine that they are that type. I would say they taller guys who aren’t going to be intimidated by your height, if possible.
Then there’s also the fact that some guys are completely dishonest about their intentions. There is a notion where some guys are interested in a type of girl specifically because of the unique physical quality she has but only for a temporary fling so to speak. I’ve seen a lot of guys behave this way, the thing is they’ll never be honest about it because they know that if they were, it would repel most women. So unfortunately that means that it’s up to you too get really good at finding the red flags that men like this exhibit and steer clear of them.
Lastly it may not have anything to do with your physical attributes (tall and plus size) it may be something you are not even considering.
All in all it’s a good thing that you’re out trying your best. At the end of the day that’s all we can do.
Good luck I hope you find your person.
Girl, I’m 5’3” and “small” and I still get ghosted or strung along. Has nothing to do with your body size or height. Some people suck regardless. I took a break from dating because of that. It took a huge toll on my mental health and self esteem and I need to focus on other things for a while.
People don’t know what they want. For all the talk about thick girls, and dad bods, when actually presented with one, they’re clueless. I once had a woman tell me I wasn’t very big, at 6’1 and 220. I’m taller than 75 percent of north Americans and 83% worldwide. Same for my weight. You/we are trendy to TALK about, but not actually commit
I think it’s honestly just the dating culture now. I think when someone ghosts you, it can be for so many reasons. Maybe they were cheating on someone and felt bad or got caught… Maybe they are going thru something but don’t know you well enough to let you go through it with them… Maybe they have bad mental health and it’s feeling too hard for them to explain themselves so they take the easy way out and ghost…
I have very hot friends who get ghosted regularly. I’ve definitely been ghosted plenty myself. I have a friend who was ghosted by her fiance of 3 years :/
People suck. Most are very damaged but unwilling to work on themselves. What someone does usually is no reflection on you. Usually it’s more about them as a person and whatever is going on with them. Try to see it as they have now weeded themselves out because that is NOT what you want from someone.
My best advice going into dating is feeling confident in yourself and working through insecurities before you put yourself out there. Which isn’t to say that you haven’t done that, but just for anyone dating in general, that is crucial. I am plus size as well, and I honestly didn’t give it any thought that it could play a factor in my online dating life. I too made it very obvious by posting recent full body pictures. I basically assumed that anyone who would swipe right on me would take the time to look at my pictures and know what they are signing up for. In my time dating online, I talked to men of all shapes, heights, and sizes. What they looked like would never change how I would treat them. And I can tell you that any decent guy will have the same approach to dating as well. I had really objectively attractive guys ghost me, and I’ve also had very mildly attractive men ghost me. What it comes down to is personality, not looks! Hang in there, it is not an easy journey, but I promise you, as someone who found their forever person, it is so worth all the trials.
You’re fat. There’s no such thing as plus size. If your self esteem is low because of that, then you should lose weight.