so me (19f) and my bf (19m) have been together for over half a year and he comes over to my house all the time during our breaks from school. during the semester i live on campus and he stays over in my dorm w me during the weekends. i asked my mother if he was allowed to spend the night at our house, and she said “ew i dont want to think about that” when i answered that he could stay in my room since one of my friends is currently living w us and the house is a bit packed. i know it is her house, her rules and i will ultimately just have to abide by whatever she decides, but its quite frustrating when she ignores what i say to her/am asking. she still hasnt given me a clear answer and i wouldnt be contesting it if my bf and i didnt live over an hour away from each other. he works full time and we can barely see each other once a week and he took mon/tues off and also sat/sun off bc there r a bunch of events in/around my hometown we want to attend together. i dont want to make him drive back and forth 8 times in one week. any suggestions on what to do?
tldr: how can i convince my mother to let my mid-distance bf spend the night?
update: she said of course he can spend the night but he has to stay in a different room because “this isnt middle school anymore”. a win is a win ig
7 comments
Just ask nicely until she actually answers you. Then just go with whatever she says. If it’s a no, that sucks but it’s the way it is sometimes.
If she will not give you a direct answer, you have to assume the answer is “no”, because she has not said anything even remotely positive about the idea.
So ask her one more time for an absolute yes or no. If (more likely *when*) she deflects again, assume the answer is no.
Because if she won’t even have a direct conversation with you about it, she’s not going to listen to any reasons that you have for why you think she should choose a particular answer.
She needs time to get used to the idea.
Sleep in seperate rooms, easy
Try telling her “BF is coming down to see me this weekend, and since you didn’t say no when I asked you about it, I invited him to stay over in my room. I know it’s icky to think about your little girl all grown up and sleeping with her boyfriend, but you know he already stays with me in my dorm at school, right? I promise he’ll be a neat and quiet houseguest, in fact we’re likely to be out of the house a lot more than we’re home.”
If she then loses it and tells you sharing a bedroom is unacceptable in her house, could you and your BF pool funds and take an inexpensive motel room together for the nights he wants to stay over?
You should just tell her that you need to finalize plans, so you need a yes or no answer. If she refuses to give you one, tell her that anything that isn’t a know you’ll assume means she is okay with it. Then see how she responds.
Seems like you have a very good relationship with your mother; that is extremely valuable and not worth it to fracture it over something like this. See if your boyfriend is willing to even maintain this short distance, a little inconvenience. If he cannot; you must reevaluate it.