27M, for the past year of trying to date I keep ending up in the same place. First few dates go well and we enjoy time spent and all that, but I get to a point where I just don’t really know what to say or talk about with people I suppose.
For current reference I had been seeing this girl for a couple dates which went well, then this weekend we hung out with her friends Friday and Saturday, and both days their group was having a good time and chatting and I just didn’t know how to add to their conversations. Anything I wanted to say just felt awkward and interjected. Like where one person says something and everyone looks at them weird and says “uh ok” then goes back to their conversation if that makes sense. I ended up just not really talking because I felt awkward and sort of uncomfortable. All the conversations felt inclusive to all of them and I just didn’t really know how to add to them and be a part of it.
I could tell I was loosing her interest because of the past two days and today I got the text i was inevitably waiting for:
“I did just want to reach back out and say that I don’t see this going forward between us. I do appreciate the time we spent together and I wish you well, but I don’t see us really connecting. I’m sorry!”
This has been re-occurring with me and I feel like I’m not fun enough to be with at this point. I feel like the dude that gets talked about that has no personality. I don’t know if it’s social anxiety or what, it doesn’t feel that way at least.
I don’t really know how to better my people skills or what I need to do. I come on great initially and am a good time once I’m comfortable but I constantly loose at the small talk and group banter with groups of people I’ve never met which has lost the connections everytime so far and it’s beginning to make me not want to keep trying, I end up feeling unlikeable and honestly just shitty for lack of a better term
3 comments
My man- Someone out there will feel “hell yes” about YOU- your character, your feelings, your opinions. Definitely keep your chin up and keep staying true to your principles and values- the right situation will surely come along.
As far as broadening your views or being more likable- I would express this to your dates early on that you are interested in getting to know THEM as a person and maybe not hang out in a group setting until you are sure that a secure connection is forming, where the partner will take the time to be introduce you and PROTECT you from a group that is not making you feel included…I would insist that you want more time to get to know her before hanging out in a group- that might also help you learn more about her on the process, which may make the group hangouts less intimidating
You need confidence and a wing girl to help smooth you out.
It’s not because you’re unlikable at all, when you’re suddenly in a group of people you’ve never met, it can cause you to become a bit introspective because there’s no level of comfort built up so you tend to get stuck in your head and can’t express yourself. I would avoid doing this early on.