My wife is very shy about sex, as she says I would rather just enjoy it then talk about it.
We have been playing around with anal play, if I bring it up she says it’s creepy and gross and doesn’t want to discuss it, or she will say I would just do it then talk about it . However when in the moment she really enjoys many different forms of anal play.
For example if I ask her how does she like to be rimmed, she says it’s gross and creepy. However when in the moment and I rim her, she can’t get enough of it.
1. I really enjoy exploring what new things she likes and pleasuring her. How do I get her to feel comfortable talking about what she likes
2. How do I bring up buying a butt plug and introducing it into play.
6 comments
Talk to her about it while she’s asleep.
Try out different stuff with her while you two are holding hands. Tell her that if she likes what you are doing, to squeeze your hand, if she doesn’t like it, pinch it and if it doesn’t do anything for her to relax or let go of your hand.
There are a lot of different types of communication, just need to find the right one for you.
As you said she really does come off as a very shy person. What you can do is ease her into these discussions. Straight up asking her about rimming in a non-intimate setting can catch her offgaurd.
Initially just ask her about general stuff like foreplay and slowly progress from there. Maybe after a few days or weeks when you feel she has opened up enough you could discuss about more extreme kinks too.
I would give up on this wish. She lets you do what you want with her, and she even likes it when you impose your will. Best to settle for 3/4 of a loaf.
“[Wife], us being able to talk about our sex life is important to me because [it will make us happier]. What steps can we take to make this possible and, eventually, a regular thing?”
“After you’ve had a few days to think about it, let’s touch base and share ideas and maybe brainstorm together.”
“Thank you for putting effort into improving our relationship in this way. I know this didn’t come easily to you.”
“Here are some of the ideas I had. What are your thoughts on…”
* Discussing sex via texting so that you can take your time and it’s less intimidating
* Having sex in the dark to make it easier to talk
* Doing a sex quiz to find new things we’re both into
* Making a list of things to try and scoring how much we enjoy them
* Scheduling time to be naked around each other so that we become more comfortable
* Browsing sex toy sites to see what we find interesting
* Discussing not sex itself but which sex-related topics you are very/reasonably/not comfortable talking about
* Talking with a sex therapist about your aversion to discussing sex
* Listening to me talk about sex for 5 minutes a week to make it less intimidating
Do you try discussing it verbally? It could be that it makes her very nervous and anxious to talk about it so openly face to face. Maybe try messaging or another form of communication?