I met my girlfriend in college and we dated all throughout. Fast forward to March 2023. She told me she wanted to take a break for mental health reasons, family issues, and that she felt like she needed to find herself. It took me a few days to accept this but I eventually did. We didn’t talk for 2 weeks and I end up sending her a letter telling her that i missed her and want her back, which she agreed to.
When we got back together I asked her if she had gotten with anyone or did anything with anyone else and she promised she didn’t on multiple occasions. In April, about 2 weeks later, I went through her phone and found out she was lying and was texting another man who was sending her explicit pictures and saying how much he misses her and wants to see her. I confronted her and we got into a huge argument where she told me they met on the train on her way home from work and that she never did anything but text and FaceTime him. It took about 2 weeks for me to fully accept this and her promising to be fully devoted to me for me to let this go.
Throughout May, this took a toll on the relationship and I felt myself becoming insecure and untrusting of her, so I began arguing a lot about who she was with or where she was which admittedly made me come off as insecure and weak. Despite this, she kept assuring me she loves me and wants nothing else but to be with me.
Fast forward to Tuesday. She breaks up with me over text message saying that she loves me but cant be my partner and it wouldn’t be fair to me to continue to pursue her if she doesn’t feel the same way. I told her i love her but I accept her decision and I haven’t reached out to her since.
This is where things get interesting.
Last night one of our mutual friends invited a small group over for some drinks and a game night. We were both invited but my ex made a last minute excuse saying that she wasn’t feeling well and was headed home but also turned off her location with our mutual friend. Our mutual friend told me this and asked what was wrong so I filled her in on everything from above.
I ended up asking our mutual friend about her male best friend who my girlfriend always swore never liked her. I find out that in high school, he was obsessed with her and would buy her things and that throughout winter/summer breaks in college, he would drive to her house and spend the night with his family on multiple occasions, something she never told me about.
I asked her multiple times if he was ever interested in her and she always denied it despite my gut feeling.
Even though we are broken up, it now seems like our entire relationship was built off mistrust. I want to confront her about this and tell her I hate her but I don’t want to throw our mutual friend under the bus and I don’t want to appear as weak and even more insecure.
How do I let this go because she is the most beautiful girl in the world, far out of my league, and while things were good between us, she was the most caring, thoughtful, and genuine person I ever met.
Any advice or words of wisdom would be great.
TL;DR girlfriend dumped me after 4.5 years, lied to me about her male best friend throughout the relationship.
3 comments
You’re still in a bit of a fog, because it’s recent. You’re still viewing her through the rose colored glasses of love.
Now if we take those off what do we see? A woman who you suspect was never very faithful to you in the way you’d like. She kept things from you and ran around.
Would “the most caring, thoughtful, and genuine person” you ever met lie to you knowing it would hurt you, solely for their own benefit? Is your family like that? Did your mother ever leave you behind to raise a kid she liked better? (If so I’m really sorry)
She’s a woman, one of billions. Seems like she was pretty shitty to you. Don’t make it out to be any more than that. That’s hard right now, but in time you will get there.
Are you close to these mutual friends? If so, why didn’t they say anything when it was happening?
It’s going to be hard but don’t let her live in your head rent free. The person you loved is gone. Not because she broke up with you but because she lied and betrayed your trust. You will mourn because you had plans, a furniture.
Take time to heal. Do stuff that makes you feel good. Try new things. Keep your mind occupied. Block her.
If she finds a way to contact you in the future tell her you know what she really is.. A liar.