I decided to have a vasectomy after my wife gave birth to twins. We have 3 children and want to make sure we have no more.
I read to get a vasectomy through NHS you go through your GP. I called them up to book an appointment and they told me my wife has to be present as well. Is this normal? I don’t mind her coming, more hassle trying to find someone to look after twins, but surely this discussion should only be between me and the GP?
I discussed with my wife and we could not work out why she needs to be present
(Edit: this is not the operation. Discussion only)
28 comments
Is it for actually *doing* the vasectomy? Might want somebody there to drive you home…?
I didn’t need my other half at mine. I can kind of see why it’s a good idea to have her there. It’s a big decision, after all, but it’s your business, not hers.
Also, what do single guys who don’t want kids do if they want one?
Bit mad.
Seems weird, I am married and booked my appointment (this is something my wife and I agreed on btw) Dr confirmed if I had kids, said yup 1 and with my age 39 (at the time) they said not a problem – go get it chopped. Only time my wife was involved was driving me home after the snip and making sure the little one didn’t clamber all over me.
The NICE guidelines are that the GP should assess both partners suitability for sterilisation ([Clinical Knowledge Summary here](https://cks.nice.org.uk/topics/contraception-sterilization/)) in case it isn’t a good idea for one of you for some reason.
When I had mine 5 years ago, they didn’t want my wife to come along for the consultation. We were two kids and done, they went through a series of questions but that was it. On the day of the snip I had a speed awareness course in the morning and then went and had my pipes tied after lunch. That was a fun day.
Take the twins with! That’ll help force the argument!
I honestly can’t remember if my wife came with to the original GP appointment with mine tbh
i didn’t need my wife present for the GP who actually (finally) referred me, but went through several who wouldn’t even book me an appointment to talk about it. Some GP’s really just don’t like it.
but prepare for your GP to push back like hell on it. I went through several GP’s befor one was willing to refer me.
be prepared for questions such as:
What if you divorce?
What if one of the kids die?
What if your wife dies?
What other contraceptives have you tried? (learn about all of them, i practically had a multilpe choice test on it, including the pull out method and hystarectomy)
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Don’t mention freezing sperm, that was taken as an implication i wasn’t fully commited to it.
no your wife does not need to be present. You are an adult, its your decision.
When I had mine done a couple of years ago the GP asked me if my wife knew I was looking to have it done and if we were both happy with the decision. He didn’t ask for her permission and didn’t want to talk to her either.
At no point did I ever get the impression that anyone would, or could say no to me getting it done. However I very much understood that I had to be sure and that my wife knew about it as I think the GP was more worried about future relationship issues if there was any disagreement on it. He was just making sure it was an informed decision for both of us that it had been well thought through.
We were in our mid-40s, kids were mid to late teens and we had no interest in having any more.
Mine just asked if she was OK with it.
Did go through the other q’s (what if you get divorced, what if they all die, what if…) but was a 10 minute phone call and then booked in.
I’d find it odd to do a joint assessment.
I suspect he wants to know how come you’re still having enough sex with your wife, after being married that long, that you need one and is looking for tips.
I didn’t need to attend my husbands vasectomy consultation
My GP told me I couldn’t get it on the NHS ad had to go private.
If you don’t want her there just say no and be insistent. Some of the GPs genuinely have your best interests at heart (ie they don’t want you rushing into a decision you’ll regret) but some of them are also just very…weird about it? When I inquired about mine the GP said to me, and I quote “when you get it done, don’t tell anyone, because then if your wife gets pregnant everyone will know she cheated on you”. That dude, unsurprisingly, got struck off a year or so later.
Sorry to hijack this post with a separate, related question but what are the wait times like for a vasectomy on NHS?
Not for me. Got mine done around lockdown, just after it first finished I think.
Phoned the GP, they called me and asked me a bunch of questions such “are you sure?”, then I got booked an appointment. They sent me some instructions about what to do in prep (shave my balls) and some numbing cream. Went in, and job done in 20 minutes.
At no point did they need to speak with or see my wife.
This happened to me. I think it depends on the doctor and on the Trust. I had to bring my partner and she had to give her written signed consent.
I argued that I had full bodily autonomy and that it was my choice alone. But apparently they wouldn’t do the procedure under the NHS without her agreement.
I went into my GP to see a nurse to get a repeat prescription for my pill. We were chatting and I said me and my husband were thinking of him getting a vasectomy. The nurse was all for it and booked an appointment for him to come in and talk to the doctor. After that I wasn’t involved.
Tell them it’s nothing to do with your wife. Imagine if it was the other way round.
no its not normal. its nothing to do with your wife
It’s gender equality but in the wrong direction! Just let individuals choose what they want to do with their bits and pieces. My friend wanted a hysterectomy due to a ton of issues but because her “future husband” might want kids they said no. Took her years to get the op.
I had my request for a vasectomy refused because my wife has a coil fitted. By a female doctor.
In my initial appointment the GP asked if I had discussed it with my wife, which I had. They explained that some couples prefer for the woman to have an implant fitted (with the added benefit of gentler periods apparently) and offered to discuss this option with my wife, but I was pretty adamant that I didn’t want her to have to continue being the one responsible for our family planning. My experience was pretty straightforward tbh, but I was a textbook candidate (mid-30s, married, two kids).
I got one after our 5th was born, I was 28 at the time.
Literally just explaining that sentence was enough.
However I think the doctor could tell how convinced I was, whether everything in my life goes wrong and I lose it all.
This family is my life and i wouldn’t want another one no matter the circumstances.
We had to go together when my exhusband wanted the snip.
Sat in the office, answering the questions – and then I made the doctor guess which number kid I was incubating (at 7months pregnant)
When he got to six he literally flipped through his diary and said “I’ve got a space next week” Ha!
Did find it bizarre they requested both of us there.
If my experience is anything to go by they’ll try to convince you both to use a number of alternative methods of contraception, usually focussed on your other half.
We were offered IUD, Birth Control Pills and the implant (perhaps others, the details are a little fuzzy now). Took me six months of talking to a handful of doctors (my GP, at least one other doctor from the practice and some locums) citing all kinds of concerns (predominantly my age – mid 20’s). Finally I got a doctor that simply said OK. I don’t want to make any assumptions, but that final doctor was the only woman I spoke to about getting the snip.
Yeah, my wife came in. Girlfriend had to wait outside.
Welcome to the world women have been living in for decades. I wanted to be sterilised after our 4th was born and the GP basically said they wouldn’t even refer me for consultation until he had spoken to my husband.