I (19F) told myself I’d go in at least 1 date this summer because I felt like I was ready to date again after past experiences and (because I’m a hopeless romantic that writes love notes like a Victorian woman writing to her lover as she’s dying from consumption).
ANYWAYS- I go back onto dating apps, this time taking it with a grain of salt because I’ve had a lotta bad luck with them before (will explain later), and I’ve seen some unhinged behavior on there.
I match with a guy, let’s call him… Freddy Fazbear, who’s within my age range and not too far from me. His profile had funny jokes and he dressed cool, and he was cute so I was like fuck it lets talk to him.
He was really fun to talk to! We had a lotta similar interests and we had a similar sense of humor and memes we liked, etc.
We talked for a few days leading up to a week and we moved over to Snapchat during that. We were complimenting each other and he just seemed super sweet! On Tuesday, I was like “omg we should call!” (That’s like my next step in romance okay 😭) and he was all on board, saying how we definitely should and that he’d love to.
We planned to do a really short call at around midnight because he has a late shift at his job. I’m practically nocturnal and so was he, so I was fine with staying up to wait.
He never called.
HOWEVER, the next day he said he fell asleep because it was like a near 10 hour shift, which I totally understand that, but I was still anxious that I said something wrong that’s turn him away. He reassured me I didn’t do anything wrong or ghosted me on purpose and whatnot.
So I’m like, wanna try again? And he was like “yeah for sure! We’ll see how I feel after my shift.” I then told him there’s no pressure if he’s too tired to call and should rest.
Hw seemed all on board again, but just wanted me that he’s a little awkward and more introverted and I’m like no prob! And then he complimented how easy I was to talk to and that I’ve been his favorite person to talk from the dating app so far and I said the same.
So I’m up at around midnight on June 1st (having a mini pride celebration with my online friends since I’m a raging bisexual lol). I asked him if he’s up for a call and he was like “yeah for sure! 😀 ) I then do if he’d wanna call on snap or if he had a discord.
He said he did, so I sent a screenshot of my profile and he said he added me- and for some reason it wasn’t showing up as a friend request. I thought it was just my phone acting up, so I asked for his username, and I added him.
I told him on snap that I added him and he was like “ok!!”and I saw that the request said it was pending. Kinda odd it says that if he supposedly added me first right?
I go back to snapchat. Then it said “Add friend” which I thought was a glitch so I tried and it said there was error and couldn’t add. I start to get a little anxious and even more confused.
I went to check the dating app as a last resort, he unmatched me- went to check discord and friend request pending, snap still not letting me add him as a friend. Then it all pieced together:
Did he- just block me- on EVERYTHING?
Right before we were supposed to call? And minutes before he seemed excited to call me?
Mind you, we both talked about how much we hated getting ghosted or dry texters and was reassuring me after the first time missing the call that it wasn’t on purpose and apologized a lot and whatnot.
I know it’s only been a week or so of us talking and I’m not like DEVASTATED, but I’m still anxious, confused, and kinda pissed off. I know I’m not entitled to closure or answers from him, or am I? In my past relationships I’ve been ghosted out of the blue when it seemed like everything was fine, or Id have someone initiate dates and conversations then suddenly say how they “aren’t ready for a relationship” and cut me off. I completely understand that if someone realizes that they aren’t ready for a relationship like they thought, and end things. I’m just- noticing that this keeps happening to me. I’m told how easy I am to talk to, and how they love spending time with me- then boom. They’re gone.
To anyone out there reading this, how should I move forward? Why does this keep happening? Am I the problem?
2 comments
So you big picture it, you chatted to a stranger for a week or so from a dating app and you never even met. He decided before even a phone call he wanted to bail out…so a complete stranger you didn’t know existed this time a couple weeks back…has quickly moved on
Cool, next
That’s what you do
You move forward by realizing this has NOTHING to do with you. Odds are he has a GF or a wife and the time he spent chatting with you was all he could get away with so he cut and run either before he got caught or because he got caught.
You move forward by realizing you are super lucky you found out he’s a jackass now and not 2 years into a relationship.
You move forward by realizing that everyone experiences ghosting in online friendships and relationships. It’s sad and frustrating and rude AF but it’s a very common experience and you just chalk it up to some people being cowardly assholes and you move on.