hi, i don’t really know where to post this.
my boyfriend of almost 4 years has started becoming friends with a classmate, it started maybe like acquaintances about a year ago, but this classmate is someone who was a former friend. she was someone who basically was a bystander into my mental health problems, she and my other friends at the time would ignore my issues when i personal sought out for help when being bullied and sexual harassed. eventually that friendship ended, and now, it’s making me a ball of mess.
recently (early January), my boyfriend invited her to his birthday party. a mix of his friends and group of our friends were present, but they all were drinking and i wasn’t. i felt really uncomfortable and left early because my anxiety was kicking in when i saw that they all were getting pretty wasted. i don’t know who left last and who stayed late because i left, right?
after the party, my ex friend, started contacting my boyfriend more frequently (she only would use him for answers for assignments and help) but once he told me that she had drunkenly called at midnight and asked him to go to her house (maybe stay the night?) and drink. he answered and hung up because he was busy playing video games.
i don’t know how many times after she kept sending those messages, but yesterday, while my boyfriend and i were hanging out and in the middle of making out. he gets a text from her to go to her house and drink. he replies saying he’s “busy and can’t do shit today.” he tells me who it is but it sounds like she’s done it numerous times after his birthday.
im not concerned of him cheating, but i feel like a jealous and hotheaded fucking mess. is this irrational? how do i approach this and get over these feelings?
6 comments
Smh you deserve better
I’m not going to say that men and women can’t be friends, but it is clear that this woman is sniffing around and wants your guy. Texting late at night and wanting him to go back to her place for drinks are huge red flags.
If she wanted to meet him at a sports bar after work before he came home to you on occasion and texted or called in the middle of the day, that might be different.
Why didn’t he mention he had a gf when she texted him with you right there ? Like the former friend obviously knows he has a gf and that’s totally inappropriate of her to ask him to come and drink at midnight especially if it’s just them two. His answer is also super sketchy. It sounds like he is leaving the door open for a future encounter …
Have you expressed this to your BF? You should let him know how you feel about this. Then you’ll find out how much he cares about you.
It is okay to have boundaries about this person. Does he know about your history with her? Make sure you’ve communicated to him the reasons for the boundary.
>she had drunkenly called at midnight and asked him to go to her house (maybe stay the night?) and drink. he answered and hung up because he was busy playing video games.
He hung up on an invitation because he was busy playing video games. I don’t think you have anything to worry about here.