Funny enough, when I was younger (early 20s) I was in a great shape and really didn’t mind getting hit on just because of that, rarely that has been some sort of chemistry from my end and most of this lead to one time casual hookups type of deal.
I got in a really bad place later in 20s and put on great amount of fat, yet was able to attract current crush that simply liked me just for me in spite of being in terrible shape and not even accepting myself at that point.
Now I got back into a shape where I would get compliments on a daily basis or get approached randomly without even initiating anything, yet for some reason, even thought this is something I have had probably wished for while being in bad shape, it does not bring me anticipated joy and would much rather prefer compliments on a personality traits as oppose to just body.
side note: at this point I am not frankly even looking for like casual hookups as I’d prefer a stable relationship at the moment
Anyone can relate to this?
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no, but fat people now disgust me
I’ve had people who know me say ‘I never knew you were in that sort of shape’ when they see me in swim gear, etc, or people that otherwise wouldn’t give me any attention show interest.. It’s not the best feeling.
If it’s an athlete showing interest I take it more as a ‘you must be dedicated’ kind of interest. If it’s someone just randomly doing so I don’t like it.
People are attracted to physical attractiveness, not through their own choosing, nothing really repulsive about it from my pov.
So I see things very backwards, I know. I was in a long 13 year long relationship where I was overweight. Since being single, I’ve lost 65lbs. I want to be desired for my body. I’ve already had “love” in my life, I want lust. I’ve never been lusted for.
I’m not repulsed. I bulked during my separation period. Did a little leaning afterwards, but not a ton because middle aged women aren’t as much into deep six packs as younger women. It was night and day and was a powerful lesson into seeing women approach me rather than sitting in the corner of a room like a loser, and exponentially increasing matches online when I took new pictures. It’s just life and it ain’t fair.
I hate this mentality. There have been numerous people I’ve met and been attracted to who back out after things start seeming like they’re going somewhere because they’ve convinced themselves that I “only like them because they’re thin” and I “wouldn’t have liked them when they were fat”. And I’d only known them since they lost the weight, so I had no frame of reference for how different they look now. But I don’t like people just because of looks, I like someone who I can actually talk to and spend time with that is enjoyable. And it sucks to genuinely enjoy someone as a person and to find them sexy just for them to be upset that you find them sexy. I’ve dated overweight people and loved them just as they were, size never was a barrier for me.
People are selfish when seeking out potential partners, and want someone that’s desirable (or at least as desirable as they think they can get). And we live in a culture that places a lot of value on a aesthetically pleasing body.
That’s just how it is, so I think the best solution is to just embrace it and work on your fitness and appearance as much as you can, both for yourself and to give yourself the best shot in dating as possible.
I have a pretty good body. Especially for my age. I don’t mind if people look. Why wouldn’t they? And if someone wanted to date me because of my body, again, why wouldn’t they?
It doesn’t bother me.
But if that’s the only reason they want me, I’m not gonna date them. They can keep looking from afar
Initially yes but it was just pent up rage from being a fat fuck. Now that I’ve lost the weight it’s perfectly understandable as to why it mattered at the time. It severely affected my confidence, posture, and frame. It’s not weird for people to want a fit and active partner as people tend to balloon up as time passes. I myself have dated a woman who didn’t work out (much like me almost a decade ago) but the lifestyles did not match and I found myself almost repulsed by the lack of movement for anything. I see now they weight directly reflects lifestyle so it’s a good indicator of the persons activity and dedication to fitness.
I enjoy getting compliments on both my personality and my body. I worked hard for this body! And I keep working on it every day, making right choices even when it would be so much easier to make the bad ones. So I appreciate when people praise me for the effort. I only don’t appreciate people (well, it’s only women really, never men) who act as if my body shape is just pure luck, I don’r appreciate compliments like “you’re so lucky to have food genetics”.
I’m only attracted to fit men myself. Doesn’t have to be the gym rat kind of fit, though, but I will definitely never date someone who is obese. So I guess I don’t get repulsed by other people’s “shallow” preferences because my own preferences align with theirs.
I am speaking only for me, not all men are like this, but the main reason I stay in physical shape is to have an easier time attracting women. All the other health benefits are amazing as well but they are secondary to me.
You attract what you put out. When I got back into shape, yeah I was posting shirtless pics and tight clothing. So the women that would hit me up would always talk about my physique. Of course, having dedicated the time to working out and getting to that point it was nice to receive the compliments, but like you, it was starting to feel….casual. Maybe post pictures of who you really are outside of the gym.
It’s not the worst compliment people give me but its far from the best. Mostly it makes me feel weird because while I know I’m *medically* much healthier, I think I kind of carried the heavier weight better and was more physically comfortable.
For a good chunk of my 20s I was in pretty poor physical shape. It progressed from being merely chubby to straight up being fat (really noticeable on my face) in my late 20s. When I hit 30, I was struggling with high blood pressure and high cholesterol, and my father had a heart to heart about how now that I was in my 30s I had to really watch my health.
So I did, and I got into shape. I lost a lot of weight (eventually a total of 50 lbs) and got ripped. When I was fat I was single and tried dating but didn’t have too much success. But when I got in shape, all of a sudden I started getting a lot of attention and I even went on a “ho phase” (for lack of a better term). I never thought I would have one night stands, casual sex, women lusting over my physique, but I did, and it felt pretty good…for awhile.
But it honestly got old. The casual sex wasn’t fulfilling and I wanted an actual relationship. Eventually, I found my now-girlfriend on Hinge, and I am far more happy than I was back in my strictly casual days.
Would those women have hooked up with me during my fat years? Probably not. Do I feel repulsed by it? Not really. People like what they like, and so long as someone is respectful towards people they find attractive and not attractive, I don’t think it’s a bad thing to be fond of a particular body type.
In a way, yes. I’ve had people treat me differently *at work* after losing weight and that was weird. Like – I’m no more or less competent at my desk job just because of my weight 🤷♀️
I get repulsed by people who want me “just for my looks” at any size/shape though. Because I’m a human being and not just a woman’s body.
No. It’s what I worked for – to be physically attractive and desirable to others
I think you’re just realizing that it’s not all about looks but rather personality that’s important. It’s common and better to learn that now than late in life. I’m in my mid 20’s and I could care less about how someone looks. If I’m attracted to her and she has an awesome personality, then I’m all for it. Work out because it’s what’s healthy. I workout because it’s keeping me busy and I’m learning to love myself.
nope, people like physically attractive people. it’s part of life
Physical/visual attraction is real, so no it doesn’t bother me. If that’s all it is, then that’s lame because I’m a complex person.
I 24f experienced this at a young age and it negatively effected me a lot. When I was 14/15 I was flirted with and pursed a lot by the guys my age (looking back now it was a lot of negative attention they only wanted to sleep with me).
I was in the best shape of my life at 15 at 134ish (I’m 5’2) but I ended up gaining a lot of weight due to my depression. I was 195 when I graduated. From 16-23 I got attention from roughly 3-4 guys vs I had 4 talking stages and one boyfriend from 14-15 alone.
Now at 24, I’m more physically active and losing weight. At my heaviest I was 205-210 in 2020-2021 and I’m now around 185. I get a lot of more attention compared to when I was at my heavier. I get random compliments from people when I’m out shopping or waiting in line when I previously didn’t.
To answer your question, It was weird going from getting a lot of attention from 13-15 to being treated practically invisible from the ages of 16-23. I did end up overcoming my depression around my early 20s. But it’s a journey and now struggling with it again.
Anyways after that experience I personally think men are shallow and trash. They played me when I was younger so I “quit guys.” Then I gained weight and stopped getting attention all together until recently. I now have 2 guys who pursed me and I haven’t gotten this type of attention since I was 15.
I’m still not where I want to be yet but boy it was really shitty feeling invisible for 9 years.
I can’t relate cause I’m currently in my late 20’s out-of-shape phase and Im desperate for the hypothetical attention I’ll get once I lose the weight. However, I hope I experience the same repulsion to shallow compliments and grow out of that desperation to be “seen”. So thanks for sharing your experience with this.
I can totally relate! I have Asperger’s syndrome, have difficulty hearing, and was chunky in high school. To say I didn’t get much attention from guys then would be an understatement.
When I first went to college, I started working out with a friend and got in really great shape.
It was really jarring after slimming down and toning up to have guys take passes at me. Some of them were really cute but they were so overtly sexual I didn’t find it fun.
I just feel like none of these guys would have looked past my hearing problems, socially awkward behavior, and general quirkiness five years ago, but now because my ass looks great in a swim suit I’m okay to talk to?
35f, in the best shape of my life, I wouldn’t say I’m repulsed by the men that pretend to want to date me long-term, and then ghost me after intimacy usually after cumming in like 3 pumps, I would say “enraged and disgusted” are better words
Being healthy is attractive. Period. We all can mentally accept people who are not in great shape but animal instinct is to get the best mate which is a healthy person. I am not body shaming or anything it just makes sense that this would happen. Being repulsed by it is probably your feelings over being an unattractive person and now being desired. If someone got to know you it would have been fine but now your first impression is improved which is why they come to you instead of the other way around.
I’ve lost 100 pounds in the last few years and people are so much nicer to me. I hate it. Like, I could have used the grace and kindness when I was in a bad place, I don’t need it now. Edit: can’t spell
It’s hard to trust anyone that says they like you. When you are overweight you are in an abusive relationship with society. My current gf will occasionally say something like, “I still would have liked you if I met you when you were were overweight”. No you wouldn’t have, no one did.
No. Along with being in shape for my job and for health and personal body image, one of the primary reasons I’ve been in great shape is to be attractive to women.
It’s a good reason why.
Simply put, you get more attention when you look sharp.
Along with other things, that contributes to a positive self-image, which translates to being someone more at ease and at home with yourself, which then means more people see that, and humans being as social as we are, means that people react positively to it, which makes for more social opportunity, which makes for more romantic/dating/sexual opportunity.
Now, I don’t have a six pack, but I do take care of myself. I run marathons, I lift weights, and I have a job that requires me to be in shape (Air Force). One of my most personally satisfying moments was one time I was dating a girl, and early on, I had to take my shirt off for something. I did it in front of her, and I could audibly hear her gasp when she saw me without a shirt.
That made me feel like a fucking stud.
Go to the gym daily since my breakup in February, get stared at by women pretty often now and attention where I really didn’t get this much before.
I hate it, I want someone to like me for the things that make me, me. I’m so much more than a fit guy. I also understand that if I ever got out of shape the people staring at me now wouldn’t even look at me twice.
As they say, looks fade and even though I wanna stay in shape for the rest of my life and continue working out I would never want someone to stay with me and “value” me just for that
Guys say they’re just being nice, being gentlemen…. but when you were ignored, and then suddenly doors are being opened, offers of help being made for the littlest thing, by the same population of guys….. you get angry because you’re the same person, the same person that’s struggled to do everything on your own, and therefore know you can and you kind of want to give 2- fingers to those obviously fake overtures, because it’s not for you as a person, it’s because you’re now fuckable.