So I’ve been talking to this guy for over a month (met on dating app) and we didn’t meet until about a week and a half ago. Prior to meeting I disclosed that I had just gotten out of a relationship and that I was only looking for a fwb. He agreed. I asked him when he last tested for stds and he said about 3 weeks prior. He shows me his std results and they were all good. In the back of my mind, I wanted to ask him to test for herpes too since I know herpes often requires a separate test from the standard std panel BUT i was dumb and didn’t ask for it bc i didn’t want to come off as super demanding and i trusted that he was responsible since he had just tested and everything came back clean.
We hookup and he seemed nice but he kept disclosing he’s slept with a lot of people and that he’s had so many different types of relationships from the apps with both men and women. i became a little uneasy to hear of this bc the more people you sleep with the more risk you carry and he didn’t seem particularly concerned about me being clean prior to hooking up. he just took my word that i was clean, which i am but idk. i don’t think that speaks well of him if he’s actually sleeping with tons of people and not verifying they’re clean.
anyway since we had sex, i’ve had pretty bad pelvic pain/cramps. it can’t be my period either bc i had just gotten off of my period prior to sleeping with him. he used a condom when we had sex but i went down on him unprotected and so did he to me. maybe i’m just overreacting but i’m worried i may have something? so i ask him if he’s tested for herpes and he says no. i ask him if he can and he says his insurance is inactive right now so he will once he gets it. this was all last week btw. i offer to pay for him to get tested at a clinic and he’s been refusing and reinstating that he’s clean and will get tested as soon as he gets his card. today i told him i’m pushing so much bc i have pelvic pain and he’s the only guy i’ve slept with and he’s ignored my texts all day. idk i’m getting a really bad feeling and i need some advice. does this guy maybe seem dismissive bc he knows he has something or he’s just too lazy to go get tested and i’m overthinking? seriously freaking out rn and i know i won’t test positive for herpes for at least 3 months so there’s no use in testing now.
32 comments
What state do you live in
Well, I’m usually suspicious when people say that they got tested for STDs recently. Most people don’t even bother testing at all, so I know that there’s a strong likelihood that they are lying.
There’s also something to consider about anyone who would want friends with benefits. We aren’t in high school; chances are that they’ve had a lot of friends with benefits by now.
Unfortunately, I can’t imagine that there’s a lot that you can do now. Theoretically, you could pursue litigation against this person if you can prove that they knew they were infectious and failed to disclose the information. However, I can’t imagine that litigation will be a very easy process. You might be better off just being more selective of who you sleep with in the future.
Can you access a free gyn/sexual health clinic? Pelvic pain can be due to many things so worth getting checked out for other possible causes. I had pelvic pain for three months not knowing the cause – eventually discovered it was a torn muscle!
You should be more concerned about HPV, which leads to cervical cancer – and there is no test for men. HSV would be the least of your problems.
I wouldn’t worry too much as though there’s a tons of reasons for pelvic pain, it doesn’t necessarily have to be an STD. I’m giving him the benefit of doubt to say maybe he doesn’t want you paying for his test, he may not feel comfortable with you coming out of pocket and probably prefers to get it done himself. In the meantime maybe you should go ahead and see your Physician on your end if you are still in concern or worried until he gets his insurance situation taken care of…
Sounds more like a UTI. Getting tested is a great idea, tho.
You’re overreacting.
At this point if you’ve already had the unprotected sex with him, can’t you just tested? Especially if you are having symptoms of some kind that you think are related. You kind of only need to worry about the other person before hand
What app you used ?
.. 1) getting tested is free so it’s no excuse for him 2) he almost certainly gave you something but it might not be worth continuing contact with him. See a dr and do get tested, you could have caught something else which is totally treatable
I am pretty sure pelvic pain is not a herpes symptom. Herpes causes cold sores. You’ll feel a tingling and then get a cold sore for a week or so. If you have pelvic pain you should definitely see a doctor because you might have a urinary tract infection or kidney stone or something.
Btw most doctors don’t recommend or even bother testing for herpes because more than half of the global population already has it. Also, the blood tests aren’t 100% accurate either. The only way to get a 100% accurate diagnosis is to have an active sore swabbed.
What do you expect him to test for? If he had sores, I’m going to guess you wouldn’t have put his pickle in your mouth. A blood test only shows antibodies. So there’s no point in him getting a test. If you’re concerned, go to a doctor and take care of yourself.
1. If he showed you a test from 3 weeks prior it’s not valid unless you can ensure he hasn’t slept with anyone in between then and you guys hooking up.
2. Why did he have said test done? One would assume it was because he had drippy cock or it was to assure the STD he had was resolved.
3. If you had a dry spell in between your ex and your new fwb you could have gotten an UTI or yeast infection.
4. Next time you put a cock in your mouth check it over real good for scabs, scars, irregular coloring and hope it’s herpe free, or be thorough and have your fwb get a current test. If one refuses testing it would make me wonder what they’re hiding. It would also make me assume they haven’t made it a priority in their past.
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So many people have herpes and if you know the back story. The pharmaceutical company wanted to push the drug market for herpes so they created the fear among the people. Lot of times you have the virus and it never expresses after first exposure and then stays dormant rest of the life. There is no need to freak out or worry.
Why would you have to wait for 3 months to get tested positive for herpes?
As someone who has herpes i say you are being too hard on yourself about what other people think when you are concerned with your own sexual health. If they don’t think you are worth getting tested for then they aren’t worth getting into bed with.
Move on, he’s not someone you can trust.
I’m pretty sure he is ignoring you and thinking exactly this….” what the eff is this girls deal and what did I get myself into”. Ur concern about STD’s is valid enough since he sleeps around so much. U aren’t getting herpes from oral sex unless he had visible cold sore in his mouth. This guy obviously gets a good amount of action and is thinking “I just met this girl and it’s not worth the headache she is causing me. Especially since I can get it from many other places”. Right or wrong that is exactly what he is thinking.
Lastly if you are so worried about this why aren’t you getting URSELF tested, instead of hounding this guy to get himself tested when he obviously doesn’t want to or can’t? If I KNEW I was clean and had a person I slept with come at me with the energy u are coming at him with, id say “if you are so worried about this then u go get tested, this isn’t my concern it is yours.” Then I’d prolly cut bait and dip too
Herpes testing, without physical symptoms like the actual sores, is unreliable and therefore the test is rarely done. False positives and false negatives are very common with herpes tests.
Note: your symptoms are not consistent with herpes infection.
You should not be having casual sex. You can’t handle it.
Oh wait wait wait… he only ignores you when you ask about getting tested? He is still actively talking to you otherwise?
Guy probably got his test results generated with an AI image generator just to hurry things along lol
Pick… a… side! Either you play the casual sex game and accept the risks that come with it, or you decide the risk and anxiety isn’t worth it and you look for a committed monogamous relationship. You’re trying to have casual sex but can’t handle the risks and are trying to make your anxiety his problem.
>seriously freaking out rn and i know i won’t test positive for herpes for at least 3 months so there’s no use in testing now.
How is it that you understand this, and yet you insist on him testing? You’ve known him for less than 3 months and you two aren’t exclusive. That means he could have caught herpes the day yall matched but might test negative today. You are trying to make your anxiety his problem, and that’s not fair.
Taking ownership of your sexual health is about more than using condoms and getting tested. It’s about owning your decisions and the risks that come with them. Doing the research to inform yourself about all the risks and tradeoffs involved is important, and I don’t think you’ve done enough with heroes. Your knowledge base seems scattershot and mostly focused on the sensational or intimidating aspects.
Did he put his fingers inside you at all? If so, his fingernails may have scratched you internally and that can definitely cause discomfort. Definitely worth it to get tested and have a gyno take a look for piece of mind.
Last guy I hooked up with pulled the same delaying tactics with HSV testing, so we only did hand stuff. I started having discomfort afterward, got scared, went to get checked and the doc said I had a big scratch across my cervix 🙄 (tested negative for everything)
Just an FYI – the HSV test is incredibly unreliable. It’s only about 60% accurate and gives a high incidence of false positives. I get routinely screened for STDs after every partner (always negative) and PP recommended against HSV test unless you have visible sores for this reason- false positives cause more problems than the relief most people are looking for with screening 🤷🏻♀️
Are you exclusive? If not, he may infect you anytime, so testing won’t help too much. Also if you feel pain, go to the doctor and test yourself. I don’t understand why you want him to do it.
Yes ORAL herpes causes cold sores, that tingle or feel like they are burning when they start out. Yes you do have to unfortunately deal with a a cold sore (that can easily spread the virus to another person through kissing, or sharing the same straw or even drinking from the same cup as someone else) for a week. But there are other symptoms to oral herpes as well. Lots of people even complain of a sore throat 🤷🏻♀️
BUT GENITAL herpes can cause lower stomach cramps, painful sores/blisters on, in or around the genitals, flu like symptoms, and much more.
Herpes simplex 1 & 2 (oral is type 1 and genital is type 2) essentially attacks your nervous system. So If not
”treated” (used “” because there is no cure, the treatment is just anti-viral medications to keep your out breaks under control) it can later turn into meningitis. Which is extremely dangerous, because it’s a literal infection of your brain.
There are two types of herpes people… please make sure you actually know what your talking about before spreading misinformation!
As for OP, I recommend you wait a few days to see what happens before going to a doctor to get tested for herpes. The symptoms usually don’t appear until around 4 days after initially having sex with someone who was having a outbreak. & Like another commenter said, the results of the test are not always accurate.
You should see a doctor immediately if you have the following symptoms:
-fever
-painful blisters around/in/on your genitals
-abnormal discharge (odd color, pungent odor, or even excessive discharge)
-pain when urinating (similar to a UTI)
-muscle weakness
-vomiting
-fatigue
(I would of added flu-like symptoms to the list but that is very vague and I had mentioned that above already)
Also Contracting herpes is not the end of the world. In fact 1 in 3 people have herpes! (And most of them don’t even realize it) With anti-viral medication, the right type of eating habits, exercise, and understanding when your having an outbreak (During an outbreak you should sustain from any sexual activities for 2 weeks) It is very manageable!
Based off solely of what you described I honestly would think it’s PID or something of the sort. But I am just another random person on Reddit. So with all due respect, PLEASE set up an appointment with a gynecologist. Only they will be able to tell you what’s really going on with you. Good luck!
He is more than likely aware he has it and isn’t bothered who he passes it on to
Get tested
Get treated
Get another lover
Can’t really test for genital herpies. You need an open sore and it to be swabbed. There is a blood test – yes but it’s only about 15 percent accurate.
Beat thing ya can do is not google abdominal pain.
Highly recommend not sleeping with anyone that doesn’t show you their Sti results, safety first over pleasure
You can’t test for herpes unless there are active lesions