I was debating on whether to put this here or AITA, but I don’t want to be completely unaccommodating.
I have a 30th coming up and wanted to have a party at a location that is about 20-30 mins from my parents and my own place (We live in a rural area, most guests will have to source a place to stay). At first it seemed ok, but recently my parents have been telling me that the location makes it difficult for my sisters who have less than two year’s old kids (one each, but both are pregnant with another).
Immediate family, i.e. my sisters, would be staying at my parent’s. Travel for most guests would mean a weekend trip, one sister has to travel by plane.
My parents are trying to convince me that my desired location for my 30th will make a dinner party difficult for people who have young kids who may crack it and force an early exit. While I understand that, I am frustrated that I have to change my plans for it, which I feel like I have to do every time I want to do something for myself.
At the risk of complaining, I feel like I’m always going out of my way to attend events for others, even if it means going by plane. I’m single and live on my own, so time wise I can do so, but I don’t earn a lot of money but still spend as such to go by plane.
Am I being unreasonable for my sisters? Should I accommodate them more because thy have kids? I’d prefer not to have more than one party (my parents have offered to host a party for family at their own place, and suggested I have a second with friends the next day at my desired location).
I don’t want to be an asshole to my sisters, but at the same time I’m feeling kind of shafted for being forced to change my plans for everyone else once again.
3 comments
It’s your decision on where you have your birthday, you just have to understand the people (your sisters & kids) just may not be able to attend. Since you do not have children yourself, you just aren’t understanding their situation. Kids (age depending) have schedules that are less flexible than adults, so if them driving far for you means kids bedtimes are being compromised, you don’t understand how hard over tired children are.
You wouldn’t be unreasonable or the asshole to have your birthday where you please, you would, however, be unreasonable if you’re then mad at these people for not being able to attend.
Maybe this is wrong, but here are my thoughts on stuff like that:
What’s the goal? If it’s to see those people who might not be able to make it, then you should probably take the needed steps to achieve that goal.
If the goal is to enjoy your party, then you should take whatever steps are needed for that. If you need them to be there in order to enjoy it, then that might be worth it. If not, then it will likely only hurt your goal and you should probably keep your current plans if it’ll make you happier. It’s your party after all, you enjoying it is the priority.
If they want to do something that is easier for others to accommodate, they can go and plan it themselves. In my opinion, they shouldn’t try to hijack someone else’s event in order to achieve their desires at the cost of the original goals and desires. Their concern is definitely valid, but that doesn’t mean it actually matters if that makes any sense.
Another potential way to think about it is what would lead to you being less disappointed. If you think you’d be more disappointed or have a worse time if you keep your plans but people don’t show up, then you might want to reduce the likelihood of that more disappointing outcome. If them not showing up would be a “well, that sucks but oh well, it’s understandable” type situation, then you should probably stick to your plans.
There’s obviously also the aspect of probably and weighing the outcomes against that, which obviously makes it harder and more complicated to decide.
TLDR: it’s your party, and you are well within your rights to plan it however you want. IMO, you are under no obligation to do anything. The goal is to calibrate your birthday and for you to have a good time. Do whatever you think would best achieve that goal. Anything not pertinent to achieving that goal is irrelevant. It’s obviously a bit more complicated with family politics and all that, but that’s something only you know about.
Two different events. Dinner party with friends, family get-together at your parents’ house for the family.
Done.