Last night I got home from a 5 day vacation to Miami with 2 of my best friends from college. It was the first time we have all had enough money to really go all out and plan a fun resort vacation for the girls. The 3 of us girls are ages 23-25.
The 3 of us girls are very relaxed and rarely partied in college and loved our routines and healthy schedules. We made jokes that we never got the “college” experience of staying out all night—so we decided to full send it in Miami and party each night into the early morning. And by party, I mean we would eat dinner at 7pm, take a nap until 10pm, get ready and then start our night out around midnight, and come home between 3-5am. This is extremely unlike us and we were laughing about how hilarious it was that we did and probably won’t ever do it again. We didn’t even really drink, especially me—I had one drink each night.
I’m the only one in the group that isn’t single, so my friends definitely flirted with guys and danced with them, and I just kinda danced around them and would tell boys that tried to dance with me that I have a boyfriend. One of the guys my friends danced with invited us up to his hotel room, and although my friends were interested to go, I obviously told them no, and went to my own hotel room.
I told my boyfriend about the whole trip and he got extremely upset. He said he wasn’t mad at me, but that all of this was very unlike me and he is sad that I seem to be more wild around my friends than I am with him. He went through my instagram followers and saw I followed two guys while on my trip, and started accusing me of lying to him. I followed these guys because they were promoters and we had no clue how to get into clubs because we never go out. I explained this to my boyfriend and he still seemed bothered and upset. He also got upset that I was even in a position to be asked up to some guys hotel room, even though I turned it down.
Did I do something wrong?
TL;DR: went on girls trip to Miami and partied even though it’s out of character for me. Basically did it to cross off a “Im young and in my twenties” bucket list, and now my boyfriend is concerned even though I did nothing to disrespect him.
14 comments
So is this the first time he’s accused you of cheating with no evidence, or is this a regular thing?
No, you didn’t do anything wrong. Is there a typo in your bf’s age?
Did you tell him beforehand, you wanted to get wild? Or was this just between you and your girls?
Telling him about something completely unlike your usual self, after it happened, can be very upsetting. Especially when at the same time trying to (or at least seeming to) downplay your own involvement.
You didn’t do anything wrong. But reverse the roles for a second; having your partner go away for a “party” weekend can be a little anxiety provoking for most people.
To minimize anxiety, before these types of trips (especially if you’re early in your relationship), I would have some clear communication to set expectations of what is acceptable/dealbreaker behaviour (e.g. is it Ok to dance with others, etc) and expectations over communication frequency. (i.e. how often to check in with each other.)
Maybe he’s so upset because the communication before the trip wasn’t clear; he didn’t realize you would go out and party so much?
Most couples don’t have this type of clear communication, so they end up fighting over because their partner didn’t meet standards they didn’t even verbalize.
Everything that you did on this trip was extremely tame. And You, as a woman who exists in the world, are in a position to be hit on and asked out literally every time you leave the house. Your boyfriend is being weird and controlling. Why does he know your Instagram followers by heart enough that he can recognize the two new follows? And I see in the comments that he’s still punishing you for something from 2 years ago, that wasn’t even cheating? Gross.
My partner is someone who would rather stay In and play nerdy games than go out clubbing. If he went out clubbing on a guys trip and was telling me about all the silly things his friends did, and how a group of girls asked them back to their hotel room, I would be laughing with him about how weird that is and how funny him acting “wild” is. It wouldn’t even cross my mind to act the way your boyfriend is acting, because I trust him and I know that he would never do something to jeopardize our relationship. I’d be a little sad that he went clubbing without me, but only because I love dancing, and he Does Not, so I’d be sad about missing the opportunity to go with him. But that’s literally it.
And again, staying up late, having one drink a night, and dancing with your friends while immediately turning away any guts who try to talk to you, it’s not wild.
Sounds like deep insecurity. Because you were outside of your routine he may be afraid that you were different in other ways. There’s also a lot of messaging to men that if your girl goes to the club (or Miami) she’s definitely cheating. The baseless accusations are the issue here. If he feels jealous or insecure, that is normal and fine and he can work through that and ask for some support from you. However lashing out and accusing you is definitely not cool.
Also, as a lifelong Miamian who worked south beach for many years, your weekend was definitely VERY tame lol.
Lol so you admit in the comments you already kinda cheated. You claim you support him financially but in another post you say he makes ~5k a month? Sounds like a load of bullshit
Run babe. Your boyfriend is an asshole.
Do you want to live like you have to apologize for normal behavior?
>He also got upset that I was even in a position to be asked up to some guys hotel room, even though I turned it down.
You can be propositioned in the grocery store, though. What does he want you to do?
This nearly 30yo man is a controlling psycho and this is hardly the worst, just wait until you’ve been with this miserable little creep for another 2 or 3 years, he’ll have you on such a tight leash you won’t be able to do anything. He will have mentally beaten you down so badly you won’t even want to do anything, because you will be terrified of the consequences and his reaction, you won’t have the opportunity to because he will have isolated you from everyone who you would do anything with… I’m telling you this is exactly what will happen.. it may not be exactly like that, it may take longer, maybe shorter, but his intentions and motivation is the same and its absolutely going to progress to that end. If you REALLY think there is some chance of redemption for him, give him the ultimatum of seriously reevaluating his outlook and behavior here, and don’t take anything less than absolute humility and acceptance of his wrongdoings, with a ZERO 2ND CHANCES policy if he offends again *OR* you leave him here and now forever. This is unacceptable behavior and should not be tolerated. These shitty men think this is ok because they get away with it constantly and no one ever stands up to it, but it should never be allowed to happen.
This nearly 30yo man is a controlling psycho and this is hardly the worst, just wait until you’ve been with this miserable little creep for another 2 or 3 years, he’ll have you on such a tight leash you won’t be able to do anything. He will have mentally beaten you down so badly you won’t even want to do anything, because you will be terrified of the consequences and his reaction, you won’t have the opportunity to because he will have isolated you from everyone who you would do anything with… I’m telling you this is exactly what will happen.. it may not be exactly like that, it may take longer, maybe shorter, but his intentions and motivation is the same and its absolutely going to progress to that end. If you REALLY think there is some chance of redemption for him, give him the ultimatum of seriously reevaluating his outlook and behavior here, and don’t take anything less than absolute humility and acceptance of his wrongdoings, with a ZERO 2ND CHANCES policy if he offends again *OR* you leave him here and now forever. This is unacceptable behavior and should not be tolerated. These shitty men think this is ok because they get away with it constantly and no one ever stands up to it, but it should never be allowed to happen.
Please don’t listen to comments here by bitter and people OP.
I think if this is out of character for you and him its fine for him to struggle adjusting and you did the best you could to make it clear you were about him.
My only other suggestion is just to be in contact with your boyfriend more while doing the trip… **I swear woman complain no guy cares about them.. Then when a man does they get mad when he starts pointing out boundaries..**
There are barely any people here who will give you some good advice.Most people here are with a separatist mentality who doesn’t know how to support.So instead of listening to everything they are saying.Just think, what would you have felt if you were in your bf’s shoes and what would you have expected your bf to do for you in these moments /scenarios.You are the one right now who can provide him with security.Not anyone else