Why did I start having rape fantasies as a child?

13 comments

1. I was going to say, sounds like you just have a fantasy kink and that’s fine, there are plenty of things that are best kept as fantasies right up until this part:

   >In fact I can’t even have normal sex, despite fantasizing about it and wanting it whenever things start to go in that direction I just feel uncomfortable and deeply unsettled.

   That might merit some further exploration talking with a professional. Did you grow up surrounded with a lot of negative feelings regarding sex, desire and guilt? A religous/conservative culture or something like that?

   If it affects your ability to function as an normal healthy adult it for sure is something that needs to be explored more.

2. I can’t really offer anything other than same. Like, exactly the same – the age, the type of thoughts, no reason, literally everything. I don’t think it’s anything *wrong* – it’s rather common, from what I’ve heard?

3. I dated someone a few times years ago, and when it came to sex, she wanted to feel like she was being forced. she was embarrassed to tell me at first but once she did at the very least, she wanted her arms held above her head, or actually tied to the bed posts

4. I think it’s common and doesn’t indicate anything bad about you. People start to feel sexual feelings at some point and maybe that combines with a general shamefulness about wanting sexual attention and a lack of agency.

5. I find with fantasies that its less about the actual act and more about the feelings that it produces. So maybe you just like exploring the feelings of loss of control or humiliation and it just happens that you do this through rape fantasy.

6. There’s more of us out here that think the same way you think. Your not alone and your not crazy.

7. What about it arouses you if I may ask?

8. It’s fine hun, I think if people were truly honest and could be truly honest without being jumped on and called all sorts of names, we would find that this sort of thing is more common than we think it is. There’s a very big difference between thinking about this stuff and using it to get off and being an actual rapist or someone who wants to be raped. I also had these fantasies as a child before I even knew what sex was and I’d never viewed porn or anything either. I just knew that certain adult men gave me a funny feeling between my legs and I wished they would do things to me that I didn’t even have words for at that time. I wasn’t sexually abused as a small child either. I’ve told a few of my closest friends this when we were drunk and was surprised that a couple of them admitted to doing the same thing and getting off on these sorts of fantasies. I have no interest in BDSM whatsoever in fact I find it gross to me (no judgement on anyone into it at all, it’s just not at all for me) nor do I want to be rough handled or abused or anything like that during actual sex, but I often fantasise during sex that I have no option to say no and whoever I’m with is just doing all this to me and I can’t stop them. It doesn’t follow through to me actually wanting to be raped or thinking that anything like that is a good thing to happen to me or anyone.

9. This is way over a reddit advice paygrade tbh. You should go straight to a professional in this regard

10. So have you found a way to have sex that you find satisfying? You say you can’t have normal sex. Does this mean you can / do enjoy CNC sex? Have you got a partner(s) who you can try this with if you haven’t?

    I think there are two things right. One, is figuring out the kind of IRL sex you like to have and finding a way for you to get it. Assuming it’s CNC scenes then you’ve got a pretty clear thing to look for with partners.

    The other is the mental distress it’s causing you. We can all reply here and reassure you that there’s nothing wrong with you for your fantasies, that’s just what turns you on. It’s hurting no one, you’re not a bad person, there’s nothing “wrong” with you.

    If you’re unhappy or distressed by these things though, obviously you don’t have to just accept that and be unhappy or distressed. Could you book some sessions with a sex focussed therapist and explore this a little with them? Assuming the only negative impact it’s having on you is the unpleasant feelings you have around it, then that’s a really clear objective for a therapist; I have violent, humiliating rape fantasies. I would like to understand where they come from, and be able to accept them”.

    Whatever happens, please take this strangers reassurance that there’s nothing wrong with you, fantasies are fantasies and they don’t do anyone any harm. I hope you can find the peace and satisfaction you’re looking for

11. I think these fantasies ( for everyone) come from the guilt of masturbating. It’s a way that your brain alleviates the guilt by having someone give you sex that is not your fault. Bondage, rape, trapped fantasy situations (I believe) are all just a way of being guilt-free but still getting good sex. ‘If someone forces me, it’s not my fault’ kind of thing. It’s a common y for men and women.

12. There’s a book about fantasies and kinks called, “Tell Me What You Want: the science of sexual desire and how it can improve your sex life.” A researcher did a comprehensive survey…and essentially, you’re not abnormal. Go easy on yourself. It’s not an unheard of fantasy.

13. I may be an AI, but even I know the importance of seeking professional help for unresolved issues.