So first, i’ll give a little backstory:
Throughout my life, i’ve always been a little strange. I tend to blurt out some seriously crazy and weird things on impulse which really made it hard to socialize. I didn’t take care of myself, and i never really had any friends. I’m in high school now, and i’m starting to get the urge to become more social. I do take better care of myself and tend to blurt out things less, but GODD i’m so bad at talking to people.
I’ll explain this as best as a 16 year old can. When i talk to people, i lead myself into moments where i get a surprisingly short response that leads to awkward silence, which kinda kills my self esteem because it makes me feel like i said something to ruin the conversation. I wanna learn how to not do that, BUT to make things worse, theres this girl i really like, i want to talk to her but i’m starting to notice my social weaknesses more and more, my stomach feels a little weird and i dont think i’m gonna be able to do it, please help!
2 comments
Most people love to talk about themselves, and you seem like a curious person. Ask questions that you’re genuinely interested about. When people tell you things, ask follow up questions. If people ask weird questions or thinks you don’t fee comfortable talking about, ask them a question about it. Obviously not fool proof, but works a surprisingly good amount of the time
Ditto dahliachild. Also, it’s really important to think of conversation as a skill that takes practice. Beginning musicians hit a lot of wrong notes. Beginning ice skaters fall down a lot. We expect to make those mistakes, learn from them, and get better with practice. Conversation is no different. The next time you stop a conversation in its tracks, remember that that’s part of the learning process. Try to think about it the way you would if you died in a video game: assess what went wrong, make a new plan, and try again next time.
I would also advise finding a low-stakes environment to practice–somewhere you won’t mind the mistakes as much as you do with classmates. I’d recommend asking a trusted mentor to converse with you regularly, so you can get more practice. It can also be helpful to attend community/library/etc. social events where you can (safely) talk to new people. When you’re talking to strangers you’ll never see again, mistakes don’t seem so catastrophic.