My girlfriend and I have been dating just shy of two years now. Our sex life used to be great- no less than three to four times a week. It has declined over the last 7-8 months to the point where I feel lucky if we do it once every other week. I’ve tried to talk with her about this, as it’s never been a problem in her past relationships, and it seems like she really simply isn’t interested. I understand not being in the mood, but it’s starting to put a serious strain on our relationship. What should I do about this?
34 comments
You’ve known her for two years. What gets her interested and in the mood.
Once every other week is still a lot more than many marriages especially the ones with kids 😀
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At least you don’t have kids, so you can walk away now, if you want … I’m not going to argue either way. It’s up to you to decide whether having her in your life outweighs the lack of sex
Age, diet, and exercise can all play a role.
I’ll have sex with you fck her
Maybe watching you play video games makes her queasy (making a pun at your name)? But seriously , looking at your interests it’s pretty nerdy. Try being more manly. Put a blind fold on her, tie her arms to the headboard, tell her to shut up and submit. Dominate her. Tease her and please her and tease her some more. Make her want more and tell her she doesn’t deserve it. Women want what they can’t have.
Is it possible that there’s another man in her life?
Bro enjoy your life if your in your 20. She is lookng for a new relation its sounds hard but you will have to suck it up and enjoy life with other People. Break up and Look for other lady
You’re not married, you’re free to explore a new relationship and leave the old behind
How about you have an honest conversation with her? Ask her what’s bothering her? She might be undergoing depression and might be confused about how she feels. Also, need more context like what her normal day is like or her job and how things are with her folks and so on.
Mental health is a huge factor in getting turned on trying to turn on.
Are you pressuring her? Are you making her feel guilty when you don’t have sex? Are you acting as if she owes you sex? Can you imagine anything less sexy than that? I, like a lot of men I think, did that in my last long-term relationship, and our sex life suffered. But guess what happened when I realised I was being a dick and I stopped getting angry when she rejected my advances? When I stopped making advances nearly every night? Our sex life improved, because now sex for her wasn’t a chore, it was something she freely wanted to do. It didn’t go back to how it was at the start of our relationship, of course, because it’s unreasonable to expect that kind of excitement after years together, but it did improve massively.
I’m not saying you’re being a dick to her about sex, because I don’t know you, but from my experience a lot of men are; I certainly was.
This is not the norm for early 20’s unmarried couples. You should talk directly to her or try couples therapy. There are four likely possibilities:
1. She’s going through depression or something similar
2. She’s done with you emotionally and can’t have sex like that
3. She’s cheating
4. She had sex with you to solidify the relationship and now she’s done with the obligation
Sex 3-4 times a week is not sustainable for many women. Especially if we have low sex drives. It’s completely normal to do it every week or every other week and there’s nothing wrong with that.
Get a new girlfriend. Wtf? The minute she starts doing that she is most likely not sexually attracted to you and potentially cheating and getting dick elsewhere. She will try to make BS excuses, but don’t believe her. From what you’ve stated, if true, she does not care how you feel when it comes to your concerns about sex, and that’s just the way of life of dating in America. Women don’t need to care. So just Leave her. Too many women on this planet for you to waste your time trying to understand why your chick is not sexually aroused by you. She is DEFINITELY cheating and/or keeping you around for attention until she gets another man.
She probably cheating on you. Start investigating!
Yoo just got change things up! Make it more spicy.. anyone will get bored if nothing interesting is happening!!!
Probably a pretty good sign it’s over ngl. If sex is a priority for you I would leave
Maybe you are not as good looking as you used to.
Normally loss in interest is in combination of one of the two lost interest in general, physical attraction or you changed in your personality.
She’s probably getting it somewhere else.
Shes falling outta love and probably on the look out for another branch to grab before the last one shes swinging from breaks(you)…be on the look out for the subtle signs….1- she deosnt share as much as she used to….2-doesnt argue with you or engage in convo as much….3-she has new friends 4- hides her phone or spending more time on social media…..dont waste your 20s on somebody who aint that much into u no more
You say that the sex was good in the beginning, are you sure it was good for her? If she isn’t going through some emotional issues, which can stifle the sex drive, she could just not want to do something she is not enjoying.
End the relationship
If there is a problem that significant that she is refusing to address or fix then its not going to change
this is happened to me in my past relationship, it lasted for 3 months and then we got back to ducking like rabbits again. just stop giving her your d, basically you should stop the supply, the demand will be created automatically
Say something to her. If no change-break up
Move on bro. Sexless relationships are pointless. If she cant step up and be honest sith you, youre sinmply wasting your life bro. No lie. Ive lived your life and it is fucking painful bro. Dont perpetuate your suffering because you think you love her.
Talk to her!
Clearly there is something going on with her.
Don’t want to go straight into the cheating idea but this is how 90-95% of those stories start.
Either way, SOMETHING is up.
Talk to her or start your investigation into what’s up for evidence…..your choice.
Break up. No. Seriously. I know it’s a running joke here on Reddit that every single advice is to break up but in this case trust me bro.
The fact that she doesn’t want to sleep with you is your fault. Somewhere you fucked up. I should know I speak from experience. With one of my exes it went from multiple times a day for 2-3 years to basically nothing after 3 years. I stuck around for another 2 years I tried everything but nothing worked. Eventually we broke up.
If women start to feel like they can take you for granted and become comfortable in the relationship they lose their sexual drive. If she feels like no woman wants you she will start thinking to herself, “hey am I holding onto somebody worthless? Did I compete for someone, some prize that nobody wants?” Basically she starts asking why you get no bicthes lmao.
It is a proven statistical fact that women operate on the idea of “preselection”. This is why when you are single nobody wants you but when you get into a relationship suddenly they want to fuck you. Multiple studies have shown that when men wear engagement rings their attraction goes waaaay up. If a woman already chose you as their partner it signals to other women that this guy is worth something.
In dating and relationships the people that have the upper hand are those who operate in an abundance mindset. This means you are not afraid to leave their ass if they do something you don’t like since there is someone else around the corner.
I’m guessing you are a nice and very loyal and very loving and great guy. Don’t be that guy pal. I was that guy. In the last 2 years with this particular ex we had sex maybe 10 times and I just stuck it out. It doesn’t get better.
Trust me she knows you are miserable but the fact that you are sticking around is actually achieving the opposite of what you want. She is thinking to herself “well if I am not fucking him and he sticks around that means nobody else wants to fuck him either” so in her head it is completely justified. Why should she desire you when nobody else does.
Now you can recover from this if you want, but it’s going to be a long process because she got conditioned in a certain way. You would have to withdraw your MEAT (money energy time attention) and basically start to care less about her. Here’s what you have to realize. Now, at this moment in time you care more about her and the relationship than she does.
Much easier to just break up and make sure the next woman in your life knows that if she steps out of line she is not the only one.
I know it sucks. I don’t want to be like this. I want to be the loving loyal boyfriend who made chocolate chip pancakes in the morning with caramel cocoa but guess what. Those guys don’t get their dick sucked. It is what it is.
Damn these replies are useless and also putting way too much of the responsibility on you.
The best you can do at this point is try to open up the conversation with her about what’s causing this drop in sex drive. Obviously it’s not okay to demand sex from her but it is OK to state your sexual needs in a relationship. Make sure the conversation isn’t just framed around sex. So for example instead of saying “Hey, we’re having less sex and I don’t like that, what can we do?” Say “I’ve noticed that sex has become less frequent and this is putting a strain on me. I am also concerned about what might be causing this for you and I think we should talk about anything that might be causing this low drive for you. I’d like to work through this together.” The key point being the word “together”. Yes you should put work in but so should she. This isn’t you vs her. It’s you and her vs the problem.
That being said, if she can’t/won’t open up about this and refuses to address the issue, or perhaps doesnt even see your mismatched libidos as an issue, then you should leave. Sexual incompatibility will always tank a relationship.
Whatever you do, don’t lie to yourself and say it doesn’t matter. Love is supposed to overcome all things, but this is one thing love doesn’t overcome. Biology doesn’t lie.
I have made it my business to alleviate the stress and meet the needs of men like you who have been stuck in this situation for 5, 10, 15 years; some longer. They all seem like pretty good people, but 0% of them were able to live a happy life without something on the side.
What good is being in an emotionally intimate relationship with someone if you are going to betray and deceive them later to serve your own needs?
Cut it off and move on or demand an open relationship before you go any further.
Sometimes you just go off someone unfortunately. The honeymoon period is over and it’s fairly normal to not want sex as much. It is also very normal to not be attracted to your partner anymore. Try and find out which it is. Also, has she gone of or on any meds including anti depressives or contraceptive pill? These have a huge effect on attraction and libido.
Is she on ssris?
If you’ve gone through the standard checklist and she is not suffering from depression, dealing with a medical condition or medication that has caused a drop in libido, you’re doing everything you can to keep her stress levels low and create an inviting intimate atmosphere, and you’ve tried all the different methods of seduction you can think of, you may be facing a fundamental sexual incompatibility. Mismatches in libido suck and there’s not much you can do about them because the partner with a lower libido is going to resent feeling pressured into more sex than they want and the partner with a higher libido is going to resent not getting the sex they feel they need. I always want to throw couples’ sex therapy out there as a last resort, but if you have truly made an effort to explore all of these avenues and you folks are still at this place, you may be fundamentally incompatible.
Chris Rock has this great line about relationships going bad that’s something like
“It’s not that something happened, it’s that y’all stopped fucking”
I feel like I’ve been in this situation and there’s 2 choices, really one because I have a feeling you won’t pick one.
One is to get what you want. She may be instinctively waiting for you to be more forceful. If you are able, have her do it even when she’s not in the mood. Assert your dominance.
But that’s probably not an option because of who we are. So you have to do the tough thing. Tell her to satisfy you or you’ll leave. Or just leave. Because it’s over already.
Listen to some snoop dogg for advice. Seriously tell her it’s over. But you can’t be bluffing. Leave.
It’s over, when a woman becomes uninterested in sex then it’s time to move on. She is most likely not happy and will leave you shortly. She may pretend everything is fine but believe me, she’s planning her exit.
Have a legit talk with her about it. If she doesn’t want to talk about it and avoids that conversation completely then it’s probably over and she just doesn’t have the confidence to tell you what’s really up.