I feel bad about this. He doesn’t seem hurt but I don’t want it to fester in his head so I wanted to ask opinions. Basically, my husband has a history of always thinking girls want to sleep with him. Girl says hi at the cash register, she wants to sleep with him. Older coworker asks how his weekend was, she wants to sleep with him. Girl compliments his work, she wants to sleep with him, etc. Some of the time I do think he’s justified but a lot of them I think he’s majorly reading into it. I never mentioned anything about it and just let it go to give him the confidence boost. I think he’s sexy as hell for what it’s worth.
My coworkers met him for the first time last week. One of them is usually cold to me, but after she met him, she ran into me at work and told me that my husband is so nice and that she hopes I bring him around more often. It felt very sweet and platonic and I’m pretty sure she is a lesbian.
Anyway, I mentioned this to him and he had a way over the top reaction, saying “she definitely wants to sleep with me, why else would she randomly be nice to you, no one would do that unless they want to sleep with their coworker’s spouse.” For some reason, it set me off this time, and I told him incredulously “dude what? Where did you get that from? That’s such an overreaction. She was just being nice. She doesn’t want to sleep with you and I think she’s a lesbian.” He responded asking me if I thought he was ugly, I.e. why would she not want to sleep with me? I told him no, he is not ugly, but that jumping to that conclusion was just weird. He accepted it and that was that.
I can’t help but feel like I’m going to give him confidence issues now or make him feel like he’s not fuckable. I’m wondering if I’m justified in not wanting him to constantly be thinking girls want to fuck him but I feel like I was harsh. I told him after this how sexy I find him just to make sure he didn’t get the wrong idea.
What do you all think about this and should I do anything about it? Did I screw up? I feel like an evil person. I want him to always be confident in himself so I don’t want him to think I was trying to hit his self-esteem. It’s just annoying when he always thinks every girl wants to sleep with him.
Thanks all.
Edit: Thanks for the responses everyone. After reading, I’m actually pretty concerned that there’s a deeper issue here with the way he thinks about the women he interacts with and what that might mean for our future. I’m suddenly worried that this might mean he thinks about sleeping with everyone he meets. I’ll have to have a conversation with him about it tomorrow.
42 comments
I definitely think you’re justified, it’s wild that he can’t see how absolutely self-absorbed he sounds.
Honestly, from a couple perspective it’s up to you how you handle it as it doesn’t seem to get into the way too much of your relationship…. However from another woman’s perspective, thank you for saying that because it’s very frustrating showing a man normal human decency and it being misconstrued as “yeah she totally wants to fuck me”.
Tbf that would get under my skin too, and it sounds like you’ve been more patient with it than me. There are other ways to express appreciation than thinking everyone wants to sleep with him. Maybe it’s worth a talk over why it got under your skin, after you’ve both had a chance to cool down.
The way I’d read it, I’d be wondering why it’s so important that girls want to sleep with him. Also, there are ways to express appreciation without making it sexually related.
Glad you let him know. Knock some sense into that head if his. Nothing to feel guilty about
Post his picture and let us be the judge. 😂 I’m kidding of course. I don’t think you were out of line. And you aren’t evil at all. Sometimes the truth hurts. Sucks you and to be the bearer of bad news.
He seems like he’s compensating, trying to make himself feel better.
You didn’t do anything wrong. He needs a different coping mechanism. You seem like a good wife in that you care about his confidence. So many wives seem want to crush that out of their husbands.
Nah, he had it coming. I wouldn’t worry about it
He sounds very juvenile. I would find that terribly unattractive. I do not want to sleep with him.
He sounds so narcissistic. Not sure you should encourage such an attitude- whether he’s hot or not. Most people are nice and not looking to sleep with everyone they meet. Has he not known polite people before?
He should fester on this. He should internalize it. He should stop thinking of women as walking sex dolls drooling all over him.
Ugh I know the type, I’ve met a few myself. He has an overinflated sense of self that seems to stem from a deep insecurity (as shown by his reaction to you calling him out on it).
Has he ever been in therapy? I think it would be beneficial for him to get to the root cause of this overcompensation.
Why does your husband feel this is an appropriate statement to make to his wife?
He’s uh… In love with himself.
His ego sounds out of control. I would try explaining that while he is very attractive, that he might not be everyone’s type. Explain that not everyone who talks to an attractive person wants them. That he shouldn’t take casual comments as sexual, because that could lead to a seriously damaging misunderstanding eventually.
You’re worried you’re going to give him confidence issues… that’s honestly really nice of you as his spouse because from here it looks like he already has confidence issues, OVERLY confident in himself.
Does he know that women can exist in a world without panting over every completely average guy in their path?! Because I think someone should tell him…
Oh brb, the Amazon guy is here, I’d better offer him a quickly. /s
Lmao. Somebody once told me how he could get “any girl he wanted”. Couldn’t get me tho
He sounds insufferable. Is he this self centred or narcissistic, or is that how he thinks about the women he’s nice to?
Had an ex who thought every woman that looks at his direction is attracted to him when in reality they found him annoying after I broke up with him.
His ego is out of hand. He needed to hear the cold hard truth.
Honestly the only reason I can think of for him acting this way is if he wants to fuck every other woman. Plus, it’s so disrespectful to say that sort of thing on repeat to your partner. Nobody wants to hear about who he thinks wants to bang him! It sounds like he’s self-absorbed and horny, and way too obsessed with what other women think of him.
He’s 27 and acting like he’s 17. It’s one thing for a man to think about if a woman wants to sleep with him, but an entirely different thing to parade it in front of his wife and give her insecurities about a coworker she has to see every day.
I can’t get over that his *immediate* response to you saying “she was being nice, she doesn’t want to sleep with you, I think she’s lesbian” was to assume YOU think he’s ugly… tell him next time he wants you to be responsible for his insecurities he can start paying you the going hourly rate for therapy in your area, holy shit. It would be hard for me to hide the obvious disgust on my face if I ever heard someone I was dating say some bullshit like that.
He sounds immature and insufferable. Not only do I not want to sleep with him, I am baffled that you do.
Your husband wants to fuck every girl that he meets. You are not listening to him. He is telling you he is a cheater and not trustworthy. It’s him checking them out and hoping they are reciprocating. There is nothing funny or appropriate about his comments. He will try to prove it one day.
I’m worried because it sounds like he had this assumption about women who approach him because that’s his mindset/the only reason he approaches women??
My wife puts me down when necessary. Heard the term ‘keep you grounded”? That’s what a good partner does to calibrate someone from turning into an asshole
Methinks he’s projecting.
He sounds very insecure, and like his self worth relies on perceived interest and validation from women.
And it’s fucked up that he tells you about all this. Emotional manipulation.
Not a healthy dynamic, and he doesn’t sound healthy mentally either.
He needs therapy to get over whatever insecurities and past rejection and/or past bullying that led him to believe his worth is tied to validation from women.
And if you plan on staying with him, I suggest couples therapy in addition to his solo therapy.
Oh boy my boyfriend was like that when I met him and he was a very young man, just out of teenage years. He is indeed very good looking and ofc there’s a lot of ladies interested in him because he’s also very outgoing and nice, but with time (I always hated that attitude) I came to realize that it was something he got from an older, obviously misogynistic and influential male figure in his life. This man thought every woman was up for grabs and talked as such, which I obviously had a problem with. Had a few talks with my bf (along the lines of “every misogynistic thing I hear you say I’m going to repeat exactly to your mom while talking casually to her see how she likes it”) and also with that man but that’s a story for another day, but strangely when he switched jobs and stopped being exposed to that kind of bullshit he dropped that stupid attitude. He’s still very confident but bases it on other stuff, like being good at his job, being a good dad or helping people in need.
Thinking like this is a major reason why women don’t feel comfortable complimenting guys.
He needs therapy zomg he is objectifying the f out of everyone he meets
>I can’t help but feel like I’m going to give him confidence issues now or make him feel like he’s not fuckable.
Honestly, I think it is the opposite. I think he already has confidence issues and that he is kind of compensating by over reading everything like that. Like he genuinely seems okay framing every positive female interaction as them flirting, you have to be fooling yourself to believe that. And the second you questioned it he immediately leaped to asking if he was ugly, like to me that is the pivot here.
Further, he says it in front of you. That almost feels like he is goading you, or actively trying to make you feel self conscious. Like the insistence of all these viable options out there, be conscious of that.
Just confront it and ask why he would frame not every girl wanting to sleep with him as implying he is ugly. That to me is the faulty wiring that needs to be addressed.
Please update us after you talk to him! I’m so curious why he would think this way.
Porn addict sort of talk. Too many movies warped his brain
Ugh. He is so gross. Creeps like him are the reason women are hesitant to be friendly or even polite to strange men.
>this might mean he thinks about sleeping with everyone he meets
I mean, can he make it anymore obvious?
If his self esteem is fragile enough to rely on the assumption that every woman in the world wants to see him naked, the wake-up call was *long* overdue.
I can’t stand men like that.
I think honestly most people have got this completely wrong from the way the husband is going about this. By him immediately asking “do you think I’m ugly” I feel it’s more likely your husband is deeply insecure in the way he looks as is using this “everyone wants to sleep with me” as a way of bigging himself up or deflecting.
Either way your husband has some serious issues that he needs to work through in therapy and sounds exhausting. There’s nothing sexy about crippling insecurity or over-sexualising people.
My ex would do shit like this all the time. Any girl who even glanced at him for a moment, he would point out to me and tell me how much she clearly wanted him. He was doing it to undermine my confidence and show me he ‘options’. If he’s doing it so consistently, I would be concerned he’s doing it for the same reasons.
Does he think about having sex with everyone he meets too? I’d be very concerned about his thoughts and behavior if I was you.
Don’t feel bad. He needs this reality check and his idea that everyone wants to fuck him is a huuuuge red flag.
You husband needed it, don’t feel sorry for him, he has a massive ego, and his assessment of most woman he interacts with is disgusting and objectifying.