I’m really sad rant…

So…. Today was my birthday… And… I sort of knew no one had any money… Kind of … So… I asked for my husband and kids… To just… Clean the house and we could watch a movie outside.. and I spin fire because I really wanted to on my birthday… But not… Even that could… Happen… I didn’t get anything from anyone…. Even though my husband can spend thousands on his hobbies …. Flowers… Or a card…. Was asking too much…. And… Honestly… This…. Is my third relationship… Where I picked someone… I thought would be a good dad … And… I was wrong… Again… I have 4 kids .. my son’s father’s died and ended up being violent, and… Now I have two daughters… With someone… Who couldn’t even be bothered to watch the kids long enough to let me at least spin fire by myself because HEAVEN FORBID A DIAPER MIGHT NEED CHANGING!!!! And anyone I try to talk to…. Makes me feel like they don’t want to hear my problems… Or they just… Don’t care… And… It makes me feel selfish… For wanting one day… Where someone would help me out .. after me dedicating my life to taking care of everyone… Paying all the bills. I spent… My birthday… Daydreaming about “sewerslide”… Sorry… I just… Have no one to talk to… I don’t have any family… My husband’s family… They don’t seem to like me much .. and I’m… I’m so tired.. or not mattering to ANYONE else as much as everyone else matters to me .. it makes me want to quit. I really… Really do. And I feel guilty and selfish about that because… I have 4 kids. Who I love and adore… But… No one… Seems to care about or think about mom.. we couldn’t…. Even watch… The movie….. 😔 No one could… Tidy the livingroom or wash a dish …. This… I think… Is it… Idk. Sorry… I just..needed a place to get it out. My heart is heavy and broken.. and I’ve had a long lifetime full of. . alot of dead friends .. I’m an orphan … I’ve also lost three children .. I’m. Tired. Anyway… I’m 34. Yay.