Last year I discovered my wife was sexting another man on instagram. Broke me.
A few months back I noticed an increase in her phone use and my detection led me here, where I found she has a page and posts nudes everyday and sexts different blokes. She doesn’t know that I know. I haven’t said anything, for fear of divorce. I don’t want my son to grow up in a divorced family like I did. But I’m hurting, alot. She was cheated on years ago by a bloke so it’s got me stuffed why she would do such a thing. What should I do??
P.S. just thought I’d add that we’re from australia and not too sure any evidence will help me. From what I understand divorce here is abit different to the US??
39 comments
>I don’t want my son to grow up in a divorced family like I did.
You may not wish that, but your wife apparently doesn’t care.
Would you rather live in a failed and broken marriage for the rest of your life?
Get out now.
Confront her and get out now.
Divorce is probably the best thing for yourself and your kid. You are still young and can find someone better.
Get screenshots for the custody battle.
After gathering evidence for a divorce and custody battle, tell her you know what she is doing and if she doesn’t stop, divorce will be filed. Better 2 happy divorced parents than one messed up family.
Screenshot and save everything before you do anything. Its important for eventual custody and divorce. Unless she has psysically cheated you can still get over this if you confront her and say she has to choose either the marriage or this emotinal cheating. You might still salvage this by giving her this ultimatum
It’s hard but honestly as a father and a husband, you need to confront her with the evidence you have.
You cannot be a good father if you are stuck in an unhappy marriage that leads you to resent his mother and ultimately an unhappy home life for all involved.
Kids are smart and while they may not know the whole reason why, he will pick up on your unhappiness. You deserve better too. You deserve the chance to find someone who will respect and love you as a partner in life should.
Good luck OP.
There’s no shame in having a split family if that’s what the best decision is. I’d potentially talk to your friends for further insight or a divorce lawyer
Dude you’re name is literally dick ready. What do you expect?
You should divorce her and show your son how to handle a lying cheater.
Anything you do now will teach your kid what to do if the same thing happens to them. What would your advice be to your kid?
With a young family, the both of you deserve a chance to see if this is fixable, if that is what you want. Let me be clear though that you should stay because you yourself want to, and not because you’re thinking of your child. The discord created by an unhappy marriage will hurt him more than you being divorced.
There’s a chance that she’s doing these things because she does not feel that she is beautiful enough and want validation from others. She may also be doing this because she has sexual tension that isn’t being released and is doing it in a way she didn’t think would be harmful, without stepping back and really looking at the picture.
I’d probably have a talk with her. Ask if she’s happy in the romantic and sexual aspects of her life, and go from there. Of course, none of this excuses what she’s done, but only you can say how you will decide to handle that.
Confront.
It could be that she wants out of your relationship, it could be some weird mental health coping mechanism that got out of hand. Either way it needs sorted.
Your relationship may very well be over.
Your wife has a OF?
>I discovered my wife was sexting another man on instagram. Broke me
> I don’t want my son to grow up in a divorced family
>What should I do??
Quietly seek legal action and start the divorce process. It may take a while for both you and your son to adjust but you will both be much happier in the long run.
Sorry this has happened to you OP.
Growing up with divorced parents is better than growing up in a house where your mom is banging the neighborhood and your dad is broken.
Today it’s sexting. Tomorrow she’s meeting these guys.
Divorce her. Now. Meet a lawyer and discuss options. Take screenshots as proof and provide them to the lawyer.
Get a divorce. A divorced happy healthy dad is better than a depressed resentful one. And an absent mother, better than a terrible influence like your wife is
In Australia you have to be separated for a year and do marriage counselling before you can divorce. Thank you Tony Abbott. They also don’t care who cheated. You have to agree on the asset division or the court will do it for you. It can be 50 50 but they usually rule in favour of the weaker spouse. You should retain a lawyer and ask about what you can do. Move your money to a separate account now before she realises what happening.
You should confront her after you have all the separation paper and division of asset paper ready and bamboozled her and ask her to sign on the spot.
Are you sure she hasn’t physically cheated?
As far as you can tell does she do this for money or just attention?
Make sure you get evidence of everything , won’t necessarily help in the divorce but may help when she twists the narrative to make this your fault and may help in custody agreement
Then see a lawyer to get advice and see what further steps you should take.
Before you do the big reveal I would also let both your parents know so she can’t bag you out to them.
Best of luck
Confront her now. You’re gonna be miserable and your kid will know then that will be his standard for a health relationship. I’m not even saying you have to leave her but you do need an honest open conversation about why she’s doing this and what it means for your family
Better living in divorced family than with parents resenting each other. My father was so abusive that I was happy when my mother divorced him
Your options:
A. Confront her and get counseling
B. Get out of this, grieve, heal, and move forward.
Married or not.. this is not a healthy environment for you or your kid.
She’s probably not what you’re looking for in a life long partner. Ditto on what other people said about children being able to sense their parents emotional states but with an addition.
Whatever hurt you with your parents divorce can help you raise your kid in this if you separate. You won’t know exactly what they’re feeling (you’ll probably have to get good with communication and encouraging the kid to express themselves and identify what they’re feeling) but you can help cushion things a little so it’s not as hard.
Best of luck
Your son deserves a father who is happy, regardless of divorce status
You’re teaching your son what is and is not acceptable for him to do to himself remember that
My mother left my father when I was 20. She left 12-15 years too late. Do yourself and your son a favor and leave her. Your son will get over it and will thank you later when he’s of age and you can have the conversation with him. Nothing positive will come from you staying in an unhappy relationship.
Hi friend, I grew up with divorced parents and I would rather have had that than miserable parents. I would rather have a parent who knew how they deserved to be treated than one that put up with that BS.
What a terrible example you’re setting for your children.
She’s a conplete and utter bellend! Get rid mate your son will be absolutely spot on with a rock like you! Not an absolute doyle like your so-called cheating partner.
> I don’t want my son to grow up in a divorced family like I did.
Is that because a dysfunctional marriage is more healthy role model for him in his future relationships? Do you want to teach him that he should accept his future partner cheating and live in misery? Is that the lesson you want to pass on?
You are not the wrong person in the relationship so, be relax and do the right thing for your child. Bcuz in some situations, you cant look from only one window or angle.
In Australia, it’s a no fault state. Go speak to a lawyer now !!!!
Too many women cheating nowadays, and that’s according to my friend who is a divorce lawyer. Business is booming …
Is this the love you want to show your child? Is this the love you want your child to aspire to? Is this the love you want to live in the bones of your child? So that subconsciously when they are evaluating partners they’ll have your relationship as the compare and contrast? Forever? Or do you want to set an example for your child about what a healthy love based on trust looks like? So that’s what forms the bones of their future?
Kids pick up on everything! Just absolute sponges, but they don’t necessarily understand everything, but it all forms their idea of the world and how it is.
Divorce sucks. But having an unhealthy idea of love that haunts you without your really knowing for the rest of your life sucks more.
Show your child that they deserve trust and a healthy partner to build a relationship with. Show them that they should have boundaries and not be afraid to leave a relationship where the other person doesn’t respect them, where there is no trust, where the person continually crosses their boundaries, etc.
You are the example.
You need to at the very least show that you’re ready to leave. She should have changed her ways after being caught the first time, but she hasn’t. She can’t stop because she loves the attention.
You need to be firm here
“I’m thought you would actually try to make our marriage work after your emotional affair was exposed. I was wrong. I now see that not only are you not working on us and our family, but your sexting and sending nudes to multiple men. Once again my trust in you has been destroyed and I don’t see how we can possibly move forward in this marriage. I gave you a 2nd chance and you once again decided that I’m not enough for you. You have zero respect for me, yourself, our relationship, or our child.”
Then sit back and watch the show.
As far as legal advice is concerned, your best bet is to contact a family law solicitor. They can advise on what your options are if you decide to go down that path. Infidelity is not a factor in divorce in Australia. The solicitor will be able to advise you on the best way to file.
I would still keep copies of what you found. If for no other reason in case she tries to paint you as the bad guy to family and friends.
You do need to confront her. Get the solicitor’s advice first but then let her know what you know. Then go from there. If she shows remorse, has some sort of reason for doing what she’s done (even if it doesn’t make sense) and makes demonstrable attempts to rebuild your trust, you may be able to get past this. As someone else wrote survivinginfidelity has resources on what the WS has to do to rebuild the relationship.
But if she shows no remorse, pushes this back on you, tries to blame you in any way or if she threatens divorce or even suggests separation then let her know you’re already ahead of her on that. Don’t allow her to dictate the terms. She’s in the wrong. You get to call the shots. Good luck, hope it works out.
As someone who posts nudes and emotionally cheats, this is a symptom of a problem in the marriage. Talk to her. End the marriage if you need to but you owe it to both of you to find out why she needs outside fulfillment
All you’re teaching your son by staying is how to be a doormat.
Pull up her porn page, set the divorce paperwork on the keyboard, and take your son out for some one on one time.
Kids would rather have a happy parent than one who stays with a cheater.
This is beyond an emotional affair.
1. speak to a lawyer and get advice on what you should do based on your local laws etc
2. you may not want a broken home for your son, but he will pick up (even subconsciously) on the misery and it will effect him for the worse.
3. you deserve happiness and peace as well
Whatever you decide to do going forward, do so after you have consulted a lawyer on your best possible way forward.
Emotionally? You are in denial. Do you think THIS environment would be better for your son?
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Wake up.
You’re doing more damage to your child staying in that relationship. Coming from a child with divorced parents I wished they had separated years before they became so bitter and hateful towards each other.